Just spent $300 on hiring a limousine and discovered the fee doesn't include a driver.

Can't believe I've spent all that money and have nothing to chauffer it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 29 2021
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Why are ambulance drivers called paramedics?

Because that's what they are, a pair-of-medics.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 45
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bagabus
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 05 2021
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A race car driver holds rodent races,

names first rodent Danica RAT-Rick!

Fans say it was a RAT-tastrophe!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/International_Fig524
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 07 2021
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My boss said to me "You're the worst train driver ever! How many have you derailed this year?!"

I said "I don't know... it's hard to keep track"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 490
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/WardensLantern
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 06 2021
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Why do ambulance drivers have a passenger

Because they are a pair of medics

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/2004mustaaaaa
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 23 2021
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I've worked really hard and only achieved becoming a taxi driver.

I can't believe that's all I have to chauffeur it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 73
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pseudonympholepsy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 20 2021
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So I'm a truck driver...

Whenever I have to sign for paperwork when picking up a load, occasionally I am asked to sign and date the bills. Whenever I'm asked to sign and date them I say "I can't date these, I'm married!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Faultiergeist
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 31 2021
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What do you call a truck driver who knows a lot about the truck but can't read or write fluently?

A Semi-literate

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/supra_elongata
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 05 2021
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What’d that cab driver say to the guy getting in his car with a cheap hooker?

Wear two

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RobertforApples
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 03 2021
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Why did the truck driver finally stop farting?

He ran out of gas.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 97
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/daviscojokes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 23 2021
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I was an uber driver for a bunch of pro wrestlers, they were so tired after their show they all just stacked on top of each other in my backseat

I guess I was the pile driver

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RKO-Cutter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 13 2021
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Road Signs Across The Country Are Warning Drivers Of Road Conditions

I C Y

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bawkalor
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 19 2021
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I just got fired from my job as a taxy driver.

Turns out people don't like it when you go the extra mile for them.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 53
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/romeo_rocks
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2021
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Why was the taxi driver fired?

He always goes the extra mile

πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 31 2021
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Why was Matthew Mcconaughey a failed nascar driver?

Because he’s alright alright alright

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rimmerj13
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 01 2021
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What's the first thing the taxi driver said to the wolf?

Where wolf!?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Telusion
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 17 2021
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Why was the taxi driver annoyed?

He was tired of people talking behind his back.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kevthesalty
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 28 2021
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Why was the delivery driver forced to wear glasses?

Because everyone wanted contact-less delivery.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sir_Yoit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 04 2021
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My son's school bus driver told him to quickly find a seat.

"There's one!" he yelled. "Look, there's another one right there! And another over there!"

He walked home that day.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 09 2021
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What do you call a stoned lowrider driver?

Highrider

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheSpixxyQ
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 08 2021
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Cement truck driver stole my identity and nobody would believe me

But then I found some concrete evidence

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Strawbalicious
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 09 2021
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Why are janitors the best getaway drivers?

They always make a clean getaway.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/they_be_cray_z
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 06 2021
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Did you hear about the Uber driver that never had a customer?

He worked 3 weeks and nothing to chauffeur it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/elster000
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 22 2021
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Last night, taking a walk on the beach... Came across a police car stuck in the sand about 3 feet from the water...I asked the driver what happened...

He said the police were expecting a crime wave

πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OrangeJeepWdw
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2021
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I invented a car that moves only when the driver is silent....

It goes without saying...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 663
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 27 2020
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I tried to give the Uber Eats driver another tip for my Vietnamese soup.

He said to pho-get it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 25 2021
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why did the FedEx driver decide to get into standup comedy as a fallback?

all his friends told him he was really good at delivery

i came up with this myself and im kinda proud ngl

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JacksonCM
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 08 2020
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Why do racecar drivers put their seats all the way back?

They need plenty of

KNEEEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

Edit: Thanks for the silver, friends! You sure know how to make a feller feel stellar

πŸ‘οΈŽ 230
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Johnnyfender
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 07 2020
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My friend just hired a limo for $1000 but it didn't come with a driver.

Imagine spending all that money with nothing to chauffeur it!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 117
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ATX_Stig
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 15 2020
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I give out drivers licenses for snow plows

...weather permitting

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/xSchneebSx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 23 2020
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What do Egyptian bus drivers buy when they crash?

ANUBUS

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/obenssonosias
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 12 2020
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I find it strange that reckless drivers...

Wreck more.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/supercman99
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 10 2020
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Canadian officials warn drivers not to let moose lick their cars...

or they could be charged with a salt.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PeeSeaBayBee
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2020
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I've recently become a delivery driver

yes, it has it's UPS and downs, but I still love it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Wallet_Insp3ctor
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 07 2020
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Dear driver of the car behind me.

Honking the horn won't make me text any faster.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2020
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I never knew that Peter Sellers was a tank driver for Germany during WW2.

Apparently, it was a pink panzer.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wsupton
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 11 2020
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A cop ran into a drunk driver and asks the question β€œHow high are you?”

The drunk driver responds: β€œNo, its β€˜Hi, how are you?’”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Steph_Curryan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 06 2020
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Without anything to secure it, and unbeknownst to the driver, the trailer careened off the side of the road

It went off without a hitch

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 04 2020
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Why are shapeshifters bad drivers?

Theyre always turning into different people.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Stanky3000
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 14 2020
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I’m a delivery driver that delivers bread products, whilst on my round today a gentleman dropped this on me.....”looks like you have the best job” he says, β€œwhy is that?” I ask, because you must be loaded with dough!!!

True dad that man!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bunny_2121
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 06 2020
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Drunk driver overturned his van on road carrying snooker equipment.

Police says he is under a-rest and there is cues a mile long.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 07 2020
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Garbage collectors are rubbish drivers!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kickypie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 07 2020
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I guess you could say he’s a...... screw driver
πŸ‘οΈŽ 81
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ketchuponcereal
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 12 2020
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I'd be a terrible NASCAR driver

because I'm always right.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 41
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Danda1f
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 09 2020
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I was backing out of the parking lot earlier when I backed into a car! The driver was only 3 feet tall....!

He got out of the car and started waving his hands above his head! He kept yelling "I'm not Happy, I'm not Happy!"

So, I got out and yelled back, "Well, which one are you!?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Existence111111
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 26 2020
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The Egyptian government has asked Cairo’s taxi drivers to drive around and sound their horns in the hope that familiar sounds will help calm the residents following the pandemic.

Operation Toot And Calm β€˜Em will last a week.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/vbloke
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28 2020
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My boss said to me, β€œYou’re the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?”

I said, β€œI’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Financial-Regular-97
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 17 2021
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My friend just hired a limo for a $1000 but it didn't come with a driver !

Imagine spending all that money and having nothing to chauffeur it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 38
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Garbage collectors are rubbish drivers!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kickypie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 24 2020
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