Somebody threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at my head.

It's OK though as my injuries are only super fish oil.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the full name of somebody who loves Japanese animation?

Annie Mae.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wilsoca
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Somebody
πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aidanexe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Somebody just called me average.

How mean.

πŸ‘︎ 144
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Can somebody please tell me when this mask mandate will end?

I've been hanging out with this masked guy for a week now and this date is getting really boring.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m addicted to abusing nuns, I just can’t not hit them, the only thing that’s worked for me is redirecting it to somebody else.

I’m trying really hard to kick the abbot

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
This pun is so bad, somebody should call The Police
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedurtyjoo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Somebody I know wanted to use an abacus for exponents without knowing how

I don’t think it’s a good idea, but all the power to him

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
(To a group) Ewwww, it smells like somebody’s deodorant isn’t working...

Don’t look at me, I don’t wear that stuff!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Somebody stole my Microsoft office and they're going to pay.

You have my Word.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/red_snake0329
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?

One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RockyCrayon6625
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Need to ask somebody to support you?

Just column.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I heard somebody died after reading a book

They were sentenced to death

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afc1224
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Somebody should come up with a name for when the sun goes down

I’m gonna call it a night

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/piratecheese13
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Somebody hired a hitman after me

He's a real pain in the ass

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EtelanVetela
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
How can you catch on if somebody is lying?

They’re neither sitting nor standing!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/throwaway66878
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call somebody with two butts?

Biased

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call somebody with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tuna_teeth
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I can’t believe somebody stole my dictionary.

I’m at a loss for words.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
If a baker assaults somebody with a baguette...

...can he be charged with assault with a breadly weapon?

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrillWolf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I can't believe that somebody stole my protections spells.

I'm at a loss for wards.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming beards?

A clipptomaniac!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PacaCrackers
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Somebody get the Captain! There’s been a hull breach! We’re going down!

Oh sorry, wrong sub

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Roku-Hanmar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call somebody who fidgets a lot?

Ann C.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call somebody who eats people slowly?

A cannibble.

πŸ‘︎ 100
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Somebody wrote a quote at the bottom of the pool.

It was deep.

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shieldedtoad
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Somebody drilled a hole in the fence around the nudist colony

Authorities are looking into it.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Eat_Mop_Who22
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
If somebody slaps Dwayne Johnson’s ass

They’re hitting rock bottom...

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/viviverma
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Somebody needed to vent
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brandondsantos
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Batman gets word that somebody is in trouble and needs to be rescued quick...

Batman: Robin! Quick! Go get the Batmobile!

Robin: Sure thing, Batman!

A few minutes later...

Robin: The Batmobile won't start. In fact, it won't even turn over!

Batman: Check the battery.

Robin: What's a tery?

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cinnafury03
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I am having a really bad day, somebody ripped the front and back pages out of my dictionary.

It just goes from Bad to Worse!

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crowkiller06
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Somebody once told me
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HamimMostafa
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Somebody stole my thesaurus today!

Not only am I mad, I'm also mad!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my wife that she is somebody I used to know.

My wife: Why? Me: Ha, Gotye there.

Needless to say, I'm sleeping on the couch tonight.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MarijuanaBagels
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
The other day somebody asked me if I liked the office

I told them It depends on how much work I have pending

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Finikkin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Somebody told me to buy a Ford mustang

I told them it was una-ford-able

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TarikAlic
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Somebody stole my toilet last week

I would try and figure it out, but I have nothing to go on

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bananawhack
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Somebody told me my Dog could rap

turns out she was just a biter.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ebatm3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I can’t believe somebody broke into our garage and stole our limbo stick?

Seriously, how low can you go?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beardedbob9
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Somebody stole my mood ring...

I still don't know how I feel about that.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ProGamer14719
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Somebody told me a joke about electricity.

It was shocking!

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Somebody help him!
πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LogangYeddu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Somebody crop him in half for a quarter XD
πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yugvijay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Somebody asked me to describe my life as an amputee, but I couldn't answer.

I was stumped.

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What person can shoot somebody, then frame you for being there?

A photographer

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BustyNinja69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do you take somebody that has been injured in a Peek-a-Boo accident?

The I.C.U.

πŸ‘︎ 112
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SyncingShiip
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Somebody asked, "Who is your favorite Beatle? John, Paul, George, or Ringo?"

I said, "I like Pete Best."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Juevolitos
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report

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