"Plagiarism squad reporting for duty"
Drugstores across the nation are reporting a shortage of plasters for cuts and grazes.
Manufacturers are determined to find a band-aid solution.
Slick dad joke used in title Toronto Star article reporting spill on highway
https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2016/07/19/salad-dressing-spill-on-dvp-ramp-causes-traffic-mayo-hem.html
Need help!
Does anyone have any good magazine/reporter puns? I'm the editor of a student magazine and we'd like a pun to put on our shirts. We can always go with the old standby "we have issues" but I'm sure someone somewhere has something funnier.
A reporter interviewed a 103-year old woman: “And what is the best thing about being 103?” the reporter asked.
The woman simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
Never trust people who sketch facial composites for police reports.
Lifeguards are sad to report the drowning of a hippie last night.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood.
Unfortunately it was a Type-O.
Teacher: Felix, when is the boiling point reached? Felix: Just after my father reads my report card.
I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
I asked my son how he did on his school report about Canada
The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
My post about chain link got reported and taken down
I guess someone took a-fence
An atom called the cops to report he had an electron stolen. The cop asked, "Are you sure?"
And the atom replied, "I'm positive!"
A small meteorite is reportedly headed for Legoland
The damage is expected to be 50 square blocks.
Owl to cop: “I’d like to report an incident..”
Cop: Giggling “Do you know HOO dunnit?”
Owl: “Sir, eight people were murdered”
Cop: O_O
Sad to report the death of the founder of Dulux paint. He died this morning from hypothermia on top of a mountain.
It's been reported he could have done with another coat.
What's the modern way to donate to the church?
Why did the fish have a bad report card?
because his teacher was crappe
When I caught my neighbor attaching a rocket engine to a deer, I immediately reported him to the authorities.
Shame on him for trying to make a quick buck.
I'm sorry to report that I lost both my feet to diabetes
News report accidentally a pun
I don't know why the beautiful attendant at Ikea reported me to the police.
All I asked was "How much for one night stand ?"
A report just came out exposing how the government's mishandling of an explosive object could've caused the deaths of hundreds of civilians
Police are looking for a man selling marijuana to birds...
Eyewitness reported, he left no tern unstoned.
My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum: I have to choose between her and my career as a news reporter.
I have some breaking news for her.
In a recent interview with David Draiman a reporter commented on his remarkable quarantine weight gain.
Disturbed's lead singer just laughed like a monkey and said he was "down with the thiccness."
These are very important lab-reports
Wanna know something about the Among Us ghost chat?
It's usually pretty dead.
Baseball reporters are such "Karens"...
Today I Learned the term "blacklist" could be perceived to be offensive
So instead I will start to use the term "minority report"
Police report says someone was stealing rockwool from a construction site downtown.
Turns out it was an isolated incident.
After years of being in jail, Lance, a reporter was released from prison.
What do you call someone with large nipples who used to be a reporter?
I've just got some new glasses, and when I first put them on, I could see tiny little people with wings at the end of the garden. I rang my optician to report the problem, but he said it was completely normal with these glasses...
The news always reports on violations of human rights
But what about their lefts?
TIL: 29% of people report having to use the bathroom right after drinking a cup of coffee
The other 71% that don't are full of it
I showed my mom my report card, she said that she needed to see more A's
I said OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
Did you hear about the guy who had 12 plastic horses up his butt?
Doctor's reported his condition as stable.
I was robbed outside and went in to report the crime. When I walked in, someone asked me what it was like outside.
I said, “it’s a bit muggy.”
Can you imagine if your dog was an undercover reporter?
They’d be able to dig up so much dirt on you.
Best name for a weather reporter in Mexico?
Plagiarism squad reporting for duty.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Why did the coffee file a police report?
My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood
Turns out it was a Type-O
My grandfather died because the report said he had type A blood
Unfortunately it was a Type-O
My girlfriend wants me to choose between her and my career as a reporter.
I have some breaking news for her.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
My wife wants me to choose between her and my career as a reporter.
I have some breaking news for her.
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