I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
My next door neighbor and I are very good friends, so we decided to share our water supply, because..

..we got along well.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the farmer that just got sentenced for killing his neighbors cow?

After a quick investigation, the Prosecutor was able to turn it into a brief case.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skycooper11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
My neighbor is stalking me by looking me up on Google and checking my social media every hour

I saw it through my telescope last night

πŸ‘︎ 103
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My neighbor asked me if I recognized the mini statues in my front graden...

But I didn’t gnome.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowblink
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Can you explain why your neighbor’s yard is so messy and overgrown?

β€œWe’d never.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jester57
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone randomly dropped off a bull in my neighbor’s yard, but animal control picked it up before she got home.

She would have had a cow.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I saw my neighbor leave her house to get bread...

A few months later, she came back and there was a bun in her oven.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mo11001
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
🚨︎ report
My neighbor thinks I spy on her.

I would tell her otherwise, but she's in the shower right now.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XIIXOO
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
My neighbors had their ladder stolen last night.

Steps were taken.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Different_Ad953
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
A neighbor asked to borrow my step-ladder...

Me: Sure! Here, it's in my garage.

My Neighbor: That's not a step-ladder.

Me: Yes, it is. My wife brought it from her previous marriage.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuddenHedgehogs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I’ve always wanted to tap my neighbors’ maple tree, but he wouldn’t give me permission.

Think I could do it syruptitiously?

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
My neighbor, Mr. Coffee, came stumbling into the police station this morning.

Apparently, he had been mugged.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I got into a fight with my Mexican neighbor and he started to make train noises while holding a gun

He said "I'm going to choo choo"

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I fell in love with my neighbor across the street.

It didn't work out. It was a lawn distance relationship.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/homepreplive
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I just told my neighbor, Mr. Claimer he was ugly, but not to get mad.

it was my disclaimer.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude.

I personally am on the fence

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yarnell3131
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbor is a farmer and asked for name suggestions for her new born calf that start with the letter J.

I suggested Jerky.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tomthelibraryguy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
My neighbor wanted to borrow some spaghetti and asked what they owed me

I said: it'll cost you a pretty penne.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealitiesOfWar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I gifted my back door neighbors a ice crusher.

It was a good ice breaker in the retrospect.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bernies-mitten
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall...

But it was his own dumb asphalt...

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend called me and said he lost the million dollar prize because he couldn't think of a neighbor to Saudi Arabia...

I said, "Oman!"

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I saw one of my neighbors throwing their trash into another neighbor's trashcan

I told him to stop trash passing.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmackz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
My neighbor just asked what I do with β€œleft over” bacon.

I consider myself a bacon connoisseur but I’ve never heard of that kind before, can anyone help me out on this?

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frindwamp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Back in 56' my neighbor was arrested for supporting the USSR...

The officials said it was "a big red flag".

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NightmareVX
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
My neighbor says I’m trespassing. I’m unsure if I am or not.

I’m on the fence.

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tdrusk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Our neighbor was attacked by mimes yesterday

They did unspeakable things

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cash-boi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I was talking to my neighbor's wife and she told me that her dog had bit her husband, so they had to put him down.

Then she asked if I could take out the trash weekly.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Saw an old man jumping around and waving his arms to get his neighbor’s attention.

He must’ve been at deaf’s door.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toboggabug
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
My neighbor just got arrested for illegally growing Marijuana.

Turns out my property line is not as far as I thought it was.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
When I caught my neighbor attaching a rocket engine to a deer, I immediately reported him to the authorities.

Shame on him for trying to make a quick buck.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SayLittleDoMuch
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My elderly neighbor had some landscapers take care of his lawn every weekend for several years. Recently, he hired a new crew, but forgot to fire the old crew. So this weekend they both showed up to mow his lawn, and got into a fight over who should be there.

He had no idea he had started a turf war.

πŸ‘︎ 543
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flash17k
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad : Oh no! Our neighbor died!

Mom : Who, Ray?

Dad : I don't think cheering is appropriate Karen

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SunnySideUp145
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw my neighbor talking to her cat this morning...

It was clear she thought the cat understood her.

I came inside and told my dog. We had a good laugh about that.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/winkelschleifer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I just spent three hours chasing all the water fowl out of my yard...

I have no egrets.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a paper airplane that can't fly?

Stationary.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Seven_Arcadian
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I think my Australian neighbor is into philosophy

He keeps saying ''Oi, Kant''

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dutch_Midget
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbor drones on and on about his notoriously unreliable Swedish sports car...

It seems like a great big Saab story to me.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What did a tree say to its annoying neighbor?

Leaf me alone

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/twozon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
If Dwayne Johnson had downstairs neighbors, they would be clueless about just about everything.

You would be too if you lived under a Rock.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My pregnant neighbor was really nervous when the woman who was to assist her in labor was stuck in traffic.

She was having a midwife crisis.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbor got hit by a rental car.

He said it Hertz.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlintTheDad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbor is an epileptic midget who really loves pizza.

Seems like everyday he’s having little seizures.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/legendary-jake
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The other day I was on the dock talking to two of my neighbors… One of them had a cooler full of beers and snacks… Pulling out a beer pops the top and opening a bag of chips, he says β€œMy wife’s an angel

I said, β€œyou’re lucky – mine is still alive…”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbor is playing very loud music

It a noise me!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BowelMovementator
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbor spent all day laying sod in his front garden, then last night, someone stole it!

He’s outside now, looking forlorn…

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbors always play Lionel Richie very loudly and usually I don't mind.....

But yesterday it was All Night Long

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dirtweed_dude
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My next door neighbor and I are good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.

We got a long well.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report

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