If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Afghanistan may be a difficult country to live in, but people in Iran have it worse.
They are caught between….Iraq and a hard place.
You may only get this joke if you live in the UK, so apologies...
Two packets of Crisps leave the cinema, a car pulls up alongside them and the driver offers them a lift, they reply, ‘No thanks, we’re Walkers’.
Did y'all hear the Germans may ditch the Euro?
Apparently, their economy is remarkable.
(This may be more of a granddad joke timewise)
Talk about being disMAYed.
I may not be as cool as a cucumber...
but at least sometimes I feel kinda rad-ish!
My psychiatrist told me I may have schizophrenia.
Which is concerning because I don’t have a psychiatrist.
You may think it's difficult to eat a 7 layer pizza pie.
But it's a piece of cake!
Yeah yeah, May the Fourth be with you and all that. Look, if you're expecting a Star Wars pun from me,
you're looking in Alderaan places.
Tequila may not fix your life
Giselle may get a lot of money out of the divorce
But she'll never get her quarter-back!
My Doctor has just told me that my voice box is severely damaged, and I may never speak again..
I can't tell you how upset I am..
TIL On May 25th 2001, a blind man named Erik Weihenmayer climbed the top of Mount Everest...
When asked how he feels, he said "I'm gonna kill that fucking guide dog of mine!"
You may have to break the bank to buy those special round Triscuits without the sharp corners
They're real safe crackers
I recently had a cancer scare. The doctor said I may have full blown colon cancer
But thankfully it was only semicolon cancer
We may use the Pole Star, but canines use Sirius to figure out North, East, West and Snout
Sirius, aka The Dog Star.
Spiders may be smarter than we thought
Long before the internet even existed, they were each hosting their own web site
So this fly pulls up in the drive-thru, and the lady says; May I take your order?
The fly says: I'll have a number two.
You may already know that SCUBA is an acronym for Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus.
What you may not know is that TUBA is also an acronym for Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus.
I heard we may be bringing back dinosaurs for transport
They make for great fossil fuels.
If you’re milking a cow and a male cow walks by and knocks the pail over, it may seem like an accident. But if he knocks it over a second time…
Indians may have invented the number zero.
But it means nothing in this world.
A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!"
The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
May thy aim be steady and true, loyal knight
Going to be a father in May so I’m practicing— Why did the duck get kicked out of class?
For quacking jokes
EDIT: this joke did wayyy better than I expected lol. Thank you all for the words of encouragement, awards, and corny jokes to follow up! I’m excited to make my family cringe for years to come
What is Brian May’s son called?
A pun that may hopefully bear some fruit.
It may not look like it, but I'm in shape.
This stomach here is round. Some shapes are round. So, I'm in shape.
For a dyslexic person this may be shit
My friend may be a little "rough around the edges", but he's NEVER late.
Why don’t teachers assign book reports in December rather than May?
Because they want a story summary not a story wintery.
I’m going to plant flowers after May.
I think Spider-Man’s aunt should get to plant her flowers before I do.
A horse walks into a pub and orders a pint. The bartender says, “You’re in here a lot, do you think you may be an alcoholic?” The horse replies , “I don’t think I am” and disappears from existence.
See, the joke is about Descartes’ famous philosophy of ‘I think, therefore I am’ but to explain that before the rest of the joke is to put Descartes before the horse.
How to trigger a Star Wars fan on May 4th..?
The word ‘Diputseromneve’ may look ridiculous.
But backwards it’s even more stupid.
Tequila may not fix your life
Whiskey may not fix your life, but…
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Tequila may not fix your life.
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Tequila may not fix your life
April showers bring May flowers...
And Mayflower's bring Pilgrims.
If April showers bring May flowers then what do May flowers bring?
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
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