A hematophagous Arachnid Acari showed up wearing sturdy leather leggings with a belt.
Questioned by his friend
why he was dressed like that he responded "Im a
Chaps-tick"
Whenever I wear leggings,
my dad mocks me by saying, "I loves my new stretch pants. But when I farts, I blows my tennis shoes off."
I asked my dad if I could borrow the car
He threw my shoes at me and said the ol' Chevrolegs will get you there.
(Does anyone know more of these shoe/leg puns?)
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying on your front porch?
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean?
What do you call a cow with no legs?
My friend broke his leg, so I wrote, "You're stupid " on his cast.
I was adding insult to injury
What do you call a woman that has one leg shorter than the other?
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs lying in a pool of blood?
What do you call a two legged cow?
A coworker of mine spilled boiling hot coffee on my leg and had the nerve to ask where it hurts
What do you call a dog without legs?
It doesn't matter what you call it, he's not coming.
I recently met a man with one leg named John.
He never told me the name of his other leg.
What is grey, has four legs, howls at the moon, and eats cement?
A wolf...
I just added the cement to make it hard.
What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands, and two legs?
No arms no legs
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs .....at your front door?
Matt
...in your swimming pool?
Bob
....in your mailbox?
Bill
What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs who is popular with the boys?
Hedy
What do you call a woman with no arms and 1 leg?
Eileen
What do you call a Chinese woman with no arms and 1 leg?
Irene
I manage to cut off my enemies leg during a sword fight
The enemy: aww, you de-feeted me
Archaeologists gathered to find the leg bones of ancient men
I just fell fell out of a window and broke my leg
It’s not going tibia ok for a while
I got bit by a Japanese mosquito on the leg, now I got a Japanese one and two
A three-legged dog walks into a bar...
He looks at the bartender and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
And a cow that plays with himself?
Beef stroganoff
Edited (h/t Hour_Radio1328 & logixdude)
have you heard of the guy who broke his legs on purpose?
Why don't the Chinese understand the human leg?
Because they constantly ask "Knee-How?"
What do you call a world class athlete who injuries their leg?
A physician broke his leg while auditioning for a play.
Luckily he still made the cast.
What has six legs and feathers?
Why do flamingos stand on one leg?
If they lifted up the other one, they’d fall over.
What has four legs and goes “oom, oom”?
Tried stealing a leg of lamb from the store
A staff asked me what I am doing with that. I replied, "Roasted with potatoes, vegetables and a lamb sauce would be great."
My hand slipped off the handle of the casket while carrying it to the hearse and left a deep bruise on my leg.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
I was engaged to a girl with a wooden leg once...
....sadly, she broke it off."
What do you do with a dog without legs?
You drag it around the block
What do you call a Spanish donkey with no legs??
Where do you find a cow with no legs ?
Exactly where you left it.
Music puns sometimes hit the high notes
My monitor is on it's last legs
What do you call a donkey with 3 legs ?
I've invented a sandal for one legged people...
My chair is missing an arm and a leg
And that doesn't sit well with me.
Why did Bono fall off the stage and break a leg?
He got too close to the edge.
A one legged man walks into a bank
and tells the banker im here to check my balance
My mate broke his leg, so I wrote "You are stupid" on his cast.
I was just adding insult to injury.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter, it's not coming.
What do you call a man with no arms or legs?
Where do you find a dog without legs?
Right where you left him.
I once dated a girl with a wooden leg.
What do you call a dog, with no legs?
It doesnt matter, he is not coming
A three legged dog walks into a saloon and says
I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.
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