Six feet pun-der... [x-post from r/funny]
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bldega
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2018
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Why do cows have hooves instead of feet

They lactose

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoldenPhoenix21
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
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I have 6 hands, 12 feet and 3 heads. What am I?

A liar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-muthamae
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
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How do you measure a snake? In inches, because they don’t have feet.

But you measure rattlesnakes in meters, because they have rhythm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Satchmoi
πŸ“…︎ May 29
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A friend of mine is quite well known for sweeping girls off their feet.

He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
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I lost the tips of my feet in an accident, and later when I told my friend what happened he suddenly punched me.

Turns out he’s lack-toes intolerant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eternal_Punshine
πŸ“…︎ May 30
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What do snoop doggs feet invest in?

Crip-toe.

I'll see myself out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/seanraff89
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
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I’ve noticed lately that my feet don’t smell very good.

So I’ve started using my nose instead.

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πŸ“…︎ May 27
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A man with 2 left feet goes into a shoe store and asks...

"Do you sell flip flips ?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 23
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So you know Gandhi? Walked barefoot, tough feet. Fasted a lot, so he was weak. Prayed a lot, real spiritual. Unfortunately, suffered from bad breath.

In other words, he was a super-calloused fragile mystic suffering from halitosis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
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If your ever in a sword fight, try to chop their feet off

Then you will de-feet him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OJAMZ23
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
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My kid asked me if it's true that some species of Whale can grow up to 100 feet?

I said it's when they're really tired after swimming too long, they can use them to walk home instead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuckinWimp87
πŸ“…︎ May 10
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My wife looked at my son (7) yesterday and told him his shoes were on the wrong feet

Without missing a beat he said "They can't be, these are the only feet I have"

Proud dad moment!

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelprstn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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Everybody has holes in their socks. That's how you get them over your feet. /r/Showerthoughts/comment…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scallywagstv2
πŸ“…︎ May 29
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What do you call a snake that's 3.14 feet long?

A "Ο€"thon

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ididittoem
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
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Does your nose run? Do your feet smell?

You must be built upside down

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IGottaHandItToMe
πŸ“…︎ May 12
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A kid told me that I looked like I was 6 feet tall

It’s the highest compliment I’ve ever received!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SamWhamBamTheMan
πŸ“…︎ May 12
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Kangaroos can grow up to six feet.

Most only grow two.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
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You know what they say about guys with big feet

They have big shoes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaneOnDope
πŸ“…︎ May 11
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I saw a rock that was 5280 feet long

It was quite the milestone

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaoskrim
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
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What did the feet say to the floor?

I can't stand you anymore!

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πŸ“…︎ May 05
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Some giraffe's can grow up to 18 feet.

But most only have four.

Taken from Giraffe Jokes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bmantis311
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
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A woman with two left feet walks into a shoe store

She asks the manager, "excuse me, do you have any flop-flops?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bowmbaclott
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
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A friend told me that his grilling spices keep biting his feet.

He can't get rid of those mesquite-toes..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VentilatedEgg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
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Today I ate a sandwich with my feet.

It was a below-knee sandwich.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scoo89
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
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Did you hear about the guy who has no feet or shins?

Tony

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cobclob
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
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I don't get how it's possible to reduce the social distancing requirement from six feet to three feet.

In almost all cases its impossible to have three feet between 2 people.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bay-to-the-apple
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19
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What do you call a video of Sasquatch’s feet?

Rare FOOTage!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_fish_friar
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
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Do you know why it's difficult to read what is on my Samsung phone's screen from 20 feet?

Because it's on a Galaxy far, far away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/212lefty9
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
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What smells like feet and tastes like fish?

Shoe-shi

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wentcamping
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
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Two feet of snow
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πŸ‘€︎ u/babydluv21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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I got into a fight with my feet but...

I got defeeted

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LastLeave8770
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
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i write letters on my feets

they are my footnotes

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
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I caught my daughter taking pictures of her feet. I asked her why.

β€œI needed better camera footage.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rlchv70
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
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I was cold and hungry, so I put my feet in front of the heater

Now I have tostitos

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChargeYourBattery
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
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I ran out of material for the doll I was making and only had breathe mints left for the feet.

He had Tic Tac toes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chemist612
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
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Why are feet so famous?

They’re legends

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cinema_King
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
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I love the part of the bumblebee that connects its body to its feet.

It’s the bee’s knees.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nate_hawwk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
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There's a dinner lady at our factory, who's almost seven feet tall.

She's our longest serving employee.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
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What's the best way to get on your feet?

Miss 2 car payments.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
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Did you know that crocodiles could grow up to 15 feet?

But most just have 4

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet

Cause they lactose

πŸ‘︎ 522
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Computercreeper3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
Man with 2 left feet goes into a shoe store and asks....

"Do you sell flop flops?"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
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Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lack toes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/momomeluna
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
A man with two left feet walks into a shoe store:

"Excuse me do you sell flip flips?"

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lil_biggyeeeet
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
A man with 2 left feet walks into a shoe store and asks...

"Do you sell flip flips?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
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If your nose runs, and your feet smell

You were built upside down.

You’re welcome.

πŸ‘︎ 160
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lxzslm
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
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Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aovl93
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
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