Ft Puns

His statue is 15 ft tall. That’s Horatio of 3:1

I hate long good buys.

The entry is quite expensive, mostly due to inflation.

That’s the record!

A centipede

Is considered social pisstancing

GF: "I went shopping for bras (again). I think I have an addiction."

Me: "So...does that mean that you need to join a SUPPORT group?"

A π-thon!

Everyone knows about famous painter Bob Ross but few have heard about his brother Albert who was famous for his 6 ft wingspan..

• If Covid-19 doesn't take you out, can I?
• Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket are you happy to be within 6 ft of me?
• Can't spell virus without U and I.
• Do you need toilet paper cuz I can be your Prince Charmin.
• I saw you checking me out from across the bar, stay there.
• Hey Baby! Can I ship you a drink?
• Can't spell quarantine without U R A Q T.

credit: some facebook post i saw.

I usually tell my kids a bedtime story, but the other night they kept asking for another to avoid going to bed. I told them that I was a “1-story” Daddy. My son asked me why, and I said that I was under 6 ft so I couldn’t be a 2-story.

A song by 50cent ft Nickelback

A receding hare-line!

1 ft

50 Cent ft. Nickelback

Once I talked my dad into playing Dungeons and Dragons with me and my friends. We were looking over his character sheet before the game when he noticed "Darkvision 60 ft." He asked me what that meant.

I said, "It means you can see 60 feet in the dark."

"But only if there are 30 people."

Last week I was flying home from a business trip out of Dallas/Ft. Worth. I'm in line waiting to board and in front of me is a vulture. He's dragging a squirrel carcass behind him in one hand and a dead possum in the other. The line is moving pretty quick until the vulture gets to the ramp and winds up in an argument with the guy scanning tickets. The attendant at the gate says to the vulture, "sir, you are only permitted one piece of carrion."

Walking with the wife this morning and saw someone quickly walking away from a front yard with his hood up and carrying a young palm tree. It was about 4 ft tall with its leaves and branches well over the guy's head. Palm trees can be expensive, so we thought this guy was stealing it. The wife said, "huh, that's a little suspicious." I corrected her: "yeah, that guy looked a little shady." Now I walk alone.

Me: My friend caught a 9 ft shark when he was fishing last night!

Dad: Yeah, what kind?

Me: Lemon Shark.

Dad: All he needs is a 7 ft Garlic Shark and he's set!

A centipede

I hate long good buys.

I hate long good buys.

I hate long good buys.

That’s Horatio of about 3 to 1.

50 Cent ft. Nickelback

50 cent ft. Nickelback

50¢ ft. Nickelback.

50 Cent Ft. Nickelback

50 cent ft. Nickelback

A song made by 50cent ft. Nickleback

Fifty cent ft Nickelback

50 Cent ft. Nickleback

50 Cent Ft. Nickelback