What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying on your front porch?

Matt.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
I was engaged to a girl once with a wooden leg

But I had to break it off

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean?

Bob

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigpahpa256
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bootlebat
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
My friend broke his leg, so I wrote, "You're stupid " on his cast.

I was adding insult to injury

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy with five legs?

His pants fit like a glove.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kissthekooks
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
I once dated a girl missing 1 leg, it didn't work out though...

I'm lack toes intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SteveM06
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
A pirate walks in a bar with a peg leg, a hook for a hand and an eyepatch

The bar tender says β€œwow how’d you get that peg leg?” The pirate says one day I was out sailing and a shark jumped aboard and tore it clean off” next the bartender asks β€œand the hook? How’d you get that?” The pirate responds β€œwell we were out whaling and one leapt out of the water and bit my hand clean off” the bartender then asks, β€œok so what about the eyepatch??” The pirate responds β€œI was out walking on the deck of my ship when I looked up and a seagull shit right in my eye” the bartender is a bit confused and says β€œthat made you lose your eye?” β€œNo” says the pirate β€œit was my first day with the hook!”

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
Thought up this one all on my own and I'm proud of it: Did you hear the joke about the leg?

In my opinion, it wasn't very fu-knee.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emination_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
I wanted to get tickets to a comedy club until I found out they cost an arm and a leg.

When I found out why I’m glad I didn’t go - the show wasn’t that humerus and the staff was short handed.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fladavpam
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
A coworker of mine spilled boiling hot coffee on my leg and had the nerve to ask where it hurts

I said decaf.

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uhhokanything
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs lying in a pool of blood?

An ambulance.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Happy_Each_Day
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dog without legs?

It doesn't matter what you call it, he's not coming.

πŸ‘︎ 330
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GrimSk8r
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
I manage to cut off my enemies leg during a sword fight

The enemy: aww, you de-feeted me

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pzwang4
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
I once broke my left arm and my left leg

But I’m all right now

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thingermajigy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
I recently met a man with one leg named John.

He never told me the name of his other leg.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fireburner80
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Right where you left him.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
What is grey, has four legs, howls at the moon, and eats cement?

A wolf...

I just added the cement to make it hard.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands, and two legs?

A rookie!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GuyOnABison
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
No arms no legs

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs .....at your front door? Matt

...in your swimming pool? Bob

....in your mailbox? Bill

What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs who is popular with the boys? Hedy

What do you call a woman with no arms and 1 leg? Eileen

What do you call a Chinese woman with no arms and 1 leg? Irene

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WaterBoarder1969
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
Archaeologists gathered to find the leg bones of ancient men

It was a real shindig

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Billy-Stoofa
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
I just fell fell out of a window and broke my leg

It’s not going tibia ok for a while

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coolhandhutch
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
I got bit by a Japanese mosquito on the leg, now I got a Japanese one and two

Itchy knee

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chizhi1234
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

And a cow that plays with himself?

Beef stroganoff

Edited (h/t Hour_Radio1328 & logixdude)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
have you heard of the guy who broke his legs on purpose?

total legend

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NearDead-Star
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
Why don't the Chinese understand the human leg?

Because they constantly ask "Knee-How?"

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hanya_124
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
What has six legs and feathers?

the Three Musketeers!

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChangeNew389
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
🚨︎ report
A physician broke his leg while auditioning for a play.

Luckily he still made the cast.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
What do you call a world class athlete who injuries their leg?

An O-limp-ian

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CrusaderTbone
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
Why do flamingos stand on one leg?

If they lifted up the other one, they’d fall over.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B1RDS-ARENT-REAL
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
My hand slipped off the handle of the casket while carrying it to the hearse and left a deep bruise on my leg.

I was appalled.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
What has four legs and goes β€œoom, oom”?

A cow walking backwards

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pathrado
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
Tried stealing a leg of lamb from the store

A staff asked me what I am doing with that. I replied, "Roasted with potatoes, vegetables and a lamb sauce would be great."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
I once dated a girl with a wooden leg.

But then I broke it off.

πŸ‘︎ 96
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
What do you do with a dog without legs?

You drag it around the block

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UBN6
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Spanish donkey with no legs??

Grasias...

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HazyDayZ420
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
Where do you find a cow with no legs ?

Exactly where you left it.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
🚨︎ report
My monitor is on it's last legs
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UsablePizza
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
What do you call a donkey with 3 legs ?

Wonkey.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
My chair is missing an arm and a leg

And that doesn't sit well with me.

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobbert84
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
Why did Bono fall off the stage and break a leg?

He got too close to the edge.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zomida
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
My mate broke his leg, so I wrote "You are stupid" on his cast.

I was just adding insult to injury.

πŸ‘︎ 147
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kassinboots
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn't matter, it's not coming.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cleetus12
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Right where you left it.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nogudyousirnaym
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man with no arms or legs?

Matt

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Simp_For_WAHHH
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
I was engaged to a girl with a wooden leg once...

....sadly, she broke it off."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
Where do you find a dog without legs?

Right where you left him.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ssr0203
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dog, with no legs?

It doesnt matter, he is not coming

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bubledor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.