In Illinois, it's illegal to have legal possesion over fecal matter of any sort.
Can't have shit in Detroit.
Marine iguana's should be as legal as alcohol!
The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
Where do clothes go to settle their legal issues?
If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, he will be rolling in his grave.
What’s the saying for when your protein powder gets spilled on your legal documents which divide all of your property after death?
Where there’s a will, there’s a whey.
Okay, seriously people, calm down. There's no need to tailgate me when I'm doing 120 mph, over twice the legal speed limit. Just pass me already.
Oh, and by the way, those flashing lights on top of your car look really stupid.
I made it a goal to become a legal citizen of Finland.
And I am not going to quit until I am Finish!
I'm in a bit of legal trouble, I guess I should call -
So apparently this is legal in wrestling.
My dairy farmer uncle died leaving written legal instruction for me to inherit a single gallon of cheese production byproduct. Makes sense, because...
Where there's a will, there's a whey.
Which musical instrument is most likely to take legal action against the others?
What's the legal description when a midget is killed?
I need a special pair of spectacles to read legal documents...
I took my daughter to adopt a cat at the shelter. I was surprised we had to sign an itemized legal contract with expected costs. When I told the clerk I thought rescuing a cat would be free...
She told me ”Dad, If you want a cat, you should expect a fee line.” I’m so proud!
I was attending a noisy legal hearing, and the Judge started yelling, “Order! Order in the courtroom!”
So I said, “A pastrami on rye, please.”
If marijuana was legal everywhere...
I was reading a piece of fan fiction about a girl so beautiful, all the heroes wanted to make her their wife, yet so powerful, no villain dared fighting her. They rather sought legal action against her.
Had to lay it down, I can't stand these marry/sue charakters.
I prefer to print my manuscript on "letter" paper than on "legal" size
I got arrested for taking notes at a concert. Is that legal?
This Wednesday, pot is becoming legal here in Canada. For people ranking international travel destinations,
Canada should be high in your list of priorities.
I went to Cole's this morning to buy cabbage, apparently its a legal requirement for me to also purchase carrots and mayonnaise when purchasing cabbage.
Bill and his friend Dave both needed to get some legal documents notarized
Bill and his friend Dave both needed to get some legal documents notarized, so they went to the notary together. Bill asked the notary if he could go first because Dave had quite a few items and Bill had one. The notary said, “Sorry. You sign affidavit.”
I needed a lawyer, so a friend referred me to his legal counsel. But I'm having a really hard time getting in touch with the guy.
A. Goodman is hard to find.
Did you know it's legal to hunt albino deer?
The law says it's fair game.
Is it legal to wear snakes on your head?
I'm asking for a friend of mine. Medusanal purposes only.
The guy from U2 is helping me with a legal case...
He's not charging for his services. It's pro bono.
Made a legal dad joke!
I work part time as a court clerk.
So I'm sitting in with the judge and another employee about a citation for a person who had a dog off leash and out of a fenced area cited for "running at large" so I asked "so if it's a small dog are they cited for 'running at small'?"
Legal Cake
Uncle: "You know the Bavarian Purity Laws that regulate the ingredients in German beer? In Vienna they have similar laws regulating pastry."
Me: "Oh really? Cake laws?"
Uncle: "Actually, they call them Torte Laws."
"I've never had an accident and I never will," said Tom recklessly.
.
"And then the man took off his shoes to prove he had 11 toes, and I lost the bet," Tom recounted.
.
"Yes, I'm starting a legal business," Tom affirmed.
.
More in /R/TomSwifties
reddit.com/r/TomSwifties
Dadjoked by a legal opinion
From a trademark case filed by Zatarain's (the jambalaya guys) regarding competitor's "Chicken Fry" and "Fish Fry". Zatarain's lost at the district level and appealed.
"Battered, but not fried, Zatarain's appeals from the adverse judgment on several grounds."
I audibly groaned.
If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US,
He will be rolling in his grave.
If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, ....
He will be rolling in his grave.
I made it a goal to become a legal citizen of Finland and I’m not gonna quit til I’m Finish
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