Outlaws are wanted
People call her Iris.
You can only use a low ha
Then we met
A great lawyer knows the judge.
An ill eagle (Credit to my first grader 😊)
Your laughter must be kept to a low "Ha".
She's a vigilauntie.
Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate
He said I hope you take the rest of her too!!
My mother FaceTimed me so I could show her my sister and her baby
I went into my sister's room and said, "Hey mom wants to see you. Can you say a quick hello?"
Sister: Sure but just for a minute, I'm exhausted.
BIL, without dropping a beat: Hi exhausted, I'm a new dad!
Old but gold
She couldn't pass the bar.
I have been challenged to a dad joke face off. I need at least 20 dad jokes that will make someone laugh before I do to win a tournament. Give me your best!
A student asked "what if you're ugly?'
As an old dad, I was befuddled for a moment before asking "did you just tell a dad joke?" She grinned, and I commissioned her as a dad on the spot.
Astrologist: I’m an Aries, what’s your sign?
Cop: I’m a LEO.
How the hell am I supposed to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
Outlaws are Wanted!
Thinly sliced cabbage
Some say coleslaw should not have Mayo...
It's shredded cabbage
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
Soda sold in cinema theaters and theme parks is the most lawful soda, because just-ice has been served.
"Because you're using his plate."
Their car breaks down next to a corn field and they decide to run through it as the law is quickly approaching. They stumble upon a barn. Inside they find three burlap sacks and one of them suggests they should each hide inside one. Shortly after, the sherriff and his deputies arrive at the barn. They notice the three sacks. The sheriff kicks the first one containing the brunette and she says "Meow, meow." "Oh it's just a sack of kittens." One of the deputies says. The sherriff kicks the sack where the redhead is hiding and she says "woof, woof." "That's just a sack of puppies" they say. The sherriff kicks the third sack with the blonde inside and she exclaims "Potato, potato."
It’s finely shredded cabbage in mayonnaise.
A game warden caught a man fishing without a licence "You're going to have to pay a big fine for all those fish in your bucket," said the warden.
"But officer," the fisherman replied, "I didn't catch these - they are my pet fish and I just bring them here to swim. When they're done, they jump back in the bucket."
"Oh, really? This i've got to see. If you can prove it, i'll let you go without a fine."
The fisherman emptied the bucket into the lake and waited patiently. A few minutes went by and nothing happened.
"So where are the fish?" asked the warden.
He's got all these really weird rules you have to follow, like whenever you eat cabbage, he insists you have to eat it with mayonnaise.
It's just Cole's law.
(Thought of this one whilst trying to come up with puns to annoy my husband. He abhors dad jokes, and receiving this look -_- means I did a good job.)
turned himself around.
shredded cabbage, mayonnaise, maybe some carrot.
Because it's a ducks mouths
She didn’t razor right.
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
Now you can only use a low ha
Now you can only do a-low-ha
When it’s an ILL-EAGLE
But have you heard of Cole's Law?