Americans love frozen fruit so much, they wrote it into the constitution...

The 1st amendment is the right to freeze peach.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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My wife’s dad just beat me in a race to read the entire constitution.

I got quite far, but he’s farther in law.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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If George Washington, Ben Franklin, James Madison and Alexander Hamilton play D&D, do they roll for constitution?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mutant_Llama1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2017
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It took the Simian Council weeks of tense negotiating for a new Constitution, but eventually...

it all ended with a Round of Ape Laws.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Romnonaldao
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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I was watching Mysteries at the Museum with my 8-year old daughter when they showed the quills used to write the Declaration of Independence, Constitution & Bill or Rights.

My daughter said, "that makes them the founding feathers, dad."

I've never been so proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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My wife and I hung a copy of the US constitution in our house.

We call it the decoration of independence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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My son asked why i climbed above the constitution

I said that I wanted to be above the law

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JJBoiOfDaWorld
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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Constitution joke

Say what you want about the 1st amendment...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oddular
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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The constitution is biased

It has far more rights than it does lefts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/P_mp_n
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
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My wife caught me looking at a copy of the Constitution yesterday.

I said, β€œHoney, I’m only reading it for the Articles.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
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Between the First Amendment's freedom of assembly and the Eighth Amendment's no cruel and unusual punishment, the US Constitution is basically saying "some assembly required, battery not included."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sylvanussr
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2017
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A brief primer on the articles of the U.S. Constitution

It's "the."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tylerjfrancke
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2018
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What did the Constitution say to the interrogator?

"I was framed!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jiberius
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2011
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Constitutional rights at stake.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatguykeith
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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The gyms must stay open.

The Constitution guarantees the Freedom of the Press!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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If Pro is the opposite of Con, what is the opposite of progress?

And don't forget constitution.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/diceblue
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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I can amputate grizzly limbs if I want to.

The constitution gives me the right to bear arms.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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There once was a man who would buy tons of buckets of roofing sealant, change the label then resell them.

Sometimes he would simply rename the brand. Sometimes he would name it a different product entirely. In a few horrific instances he repackaged it as food products. Eventually he was found, arrested, and brought to court. And though he admitted to doing all those things, he insisted that he had done nothing illegal and that moreover, his actions were protected by the law and the Constitution. His reasoning?

"I have the right to rename sealant!!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/epicukulele
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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TIL tanktops are the most constitutional attire

We have the right to bare arms

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hitmonleesin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2017
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If the opposite of β€œpro” is β€œcon”,

Then the opposite of β€œprogress” is β€œCongress”

(Dads can be woke too)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FatherNigel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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I got fired for wearing a bear costume to work

They violated my constitutional right to bear arms

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PygmeePony
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
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[Meta] What exactly constitutes a dad joke?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UseKnowledge
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2013
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Dadjoked by a Constitutional Law professor.

This one's mostly about a refusal to cease and desist the dad jokes -

"Imagine Congress authorizes the military to hold a nationwide bake sale because they need/knead the dough."

Crickets.

"I was sure that would get a rise out of you."

More crickets.

"OK, I'll stop, though I'm clearly on a roll."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PortlyGoldfish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2015
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What happened to America on September 17th 1787?

They gained +1 to their constitution.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BillyBlueBones
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
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[MOD POST] Hunting for an additional moderator. Read and apply within.

EDIT: I am now closing applications and will make a decision in the next day or so. Thank you to everybody who applied - the general enthusiasm and support is wonderful to see.

( as this is a self post, I receive no karma - however I would appreciate it if you upvoted purely for visibility <3 )

Hey everybody,

The /r/dadjokes community is now over 85,000 subscribers strong. That's pretty great. Pretty super great.

Thus far, over the entire existence of this sub, I have been the only mod. Quietly watching, taking your feedback, removing a post here, approving another there - doing my best not to interfere too much. I'm going to be honest, it hasn't been that hard.

You lot are generally a pretty nice bunch, give or take a few of the more vocal lunatics. There isn't usually a lot of work to be done, or issues that need resolving.

That said, I'm not awake all the time. I can't lurk on Reddit all the time. I don't have all-seeing eyes.

So it's about time I gave another pair of eyes moderator status and entrusted those eyes with a duty of care.

Let's get down to the chase; here's what I'm looking for in an additional mod:

  • You live in a very different timezone to Syd, AU - GMT+10
  • You have a good sense of humour
  • You're not in this purely to grow your 'net rep
  • You're interested in being fair, and maintaining fairness
  • You maintain civility in yourself and your responses at all times
  • You have a bit of time every day to go through reports, spam, and post comments
  • You understand that your moderatorship will initially be a trial, and can be revoked at any time if you aren't being magical and rad
  • Some general CSS/subreddit formatting knowledge wouldn't go astray, but is not required

Here's what I am not looking for:

  • Strong, cemented opinions about what constitutes a dad joke and what doesn't - everybody's dad and humour is different
  • An overzealous post remover - I am not looking for an enforcer, the title moderator implies moderation
  • A(nother) dictator - it is my preference that this subreddit be gently guided, and not forcibly ruled, we let the community find itself and we listen to what they say

If you wish to apply for the title and duty of being a moderator to /r/dadjokes, simply state your case (why you should be selected, what benefits or experience you bring, etc) in a comment reply to this thread. I will then get in touch with the most worthy seeming applicants. Upvotes and downvites will not be taken int

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tali3sin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2013
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If pro is the opposite of con...

... what is the opposite of progress?

I know. Mind = Blown.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeterGot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2013
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A sign says: move over for stationary emergency vehicles.

Dad says: what constitutes a stationary emergency? I'm out of letterhead and all my pencils are broken.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scipunk99
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2017
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Girlfriend was playing Dragon Age: Origins

Her: "Zevran, you're next few levels are going to Constitution..."

Me: "He needs a Bill of Rights."

Bonus: "How many amendments are you going to give him?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jcb245
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2017
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Obama is a dad

From a Dallas fundraiser this week: β€œ[Nancy Pelosi] is tough, she is smart, and she has a heart as big as Texas β€” even though she’s from California,” said Obama, who opened his remarks by saying, β€œI’m not running for reelection. Not just because of the Constitution but also because of my wife.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TelegramAHologram
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2014
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Dadjoked the injections nurse...

In for my flu shot. She asked me to roll up my sleeve.
Told her "Sure. You have a constitutional right to bare arms."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BobT21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2014
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Typo'd dad joke.

Friend and I were having a rather bizarre discussion online when it jokingly turned into this:

Friend: "Anyone who denies (insert comic character) is a heretic. He's a minor deity."

Me: "Oookay, I'm going to stop you there."

Friend: "Probably a god thing."

(I'm not sure this constitutes a dad joke, but the unintentional pun immediately made me think of you guys. Sorry for any offense!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trippid
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2014
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Dadjoke on a professional listserv

My local bar association, of course, has thirty or so listservs. On one, someone posted about a Constitutional Law course being offered through Coursera, and how the state bar is approving the course for CLE credits.

One of the responses to this email was "Coursera sera. . . whatever will be, will be."

I actually groaned this time. I don't usually groan at bad jokes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PraetorianXVIII
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2014
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