I have a joke about the North Atlantic Treaty

But, I won't say it to you because it's NATO business.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Jude
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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US signs treaty with the Taliban

Now, Tali can.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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Why did Russia agree to a peace treaty with Germany right before ww2?

Their leader was Stalin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Enderman5059
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2016
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What do you call French dog snacks?

Treaties of Versailles

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sbill14
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant

It was resolved with a Peas Treaty

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannypWooley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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How do legume wars end?

With a peas treaty.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Semi-Empathetic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
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Attention Punners

I am a representative from the r/PunPatrol and we have been seeing some of our officers have been arrested individuals on this server where in a peace treaty we have allowed Puns in this subreddit. We apologise for these rogue officers and have reported them to r/PunInternalAffairs . Thanks for understanding.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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This conversation between my (ex)gf.

Long post is long:

Her: Remember dad's tomato bushes? Well they're attacking! At least one is leaning across the path trying to get at my window... We had the war of the roses, now its time for the attack of the tomatoes!

Me: I don't remember anything about tomato bushes. From one battle to the next.

Her: Yep! Lookout tomatoes here comes the chutney recipe!

Me: I can just imagine a cucumber campaign. Operation onion would be next, which will fail, causing everyone to cry. Dill Day follows, a great success for the allied gardeners. All too soon though, the kamikaze carrots set in, utterly ruining the radish raid. The mushroom maneuver is employed, saving the troops, allowing them to deal the final blow in the asparagus assault!

Her: Don't forget the pumpkins want to supply ground cover with heavy support...

Me: Ah yes, the pumpkin paratroopers.

Her: Thyme is running out...

Me: Prepare the beetroot bombs!!!

Her: Aim for Potato Garden!

Me: Fire the capsicum! Deploy the celery team!

Her: Bring in the egg plant division to support the capsicum!

Me: This is it boys, life or dirt! I want a passionfruit unit to find us a vantage point, and the strawberry unit to surround them!

Her: We had better bring the lettuce up to date!

Me: The cabbage are under withering fire, we need support from the raspberry division! The potatoes are mashed, so well need to send the zucchini in their place!

Her: The zucchini can't take that heavy fire, they'll be grated. Send spinach for some extra iron. The sweet potatoes are digging in at the ridge.

Me: Prepare the watermelon bomb, we need to finish this! The eggplant were squashed, deploy the broccoli brigade! The beans need to get out of there, or they'll be split!

Her: Cauliflowers are going in to retrieve the beans. How brave to risk their florets!

The corn commandos are deployed, but the artichokes are all out of heart, we need to boost morale.

Me: The leeks are down! They'll be flattened if we don't do something!

Are the spinach still operational?

Her: Too bad the pepper isn't on our side, they're well seasoned troops.

Spinach is a go!
Nothing has touched it...

Me: But wait! We still have the chillies to give them heavy fire!

Her: And the squashes and peas!

Me: The ginger is holding it's ground, but it's being cut down by the pineapple!

The basil should make things interesting, send them to aid the potatoes.


... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zokoro
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2017
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Dad joked my dad

We were driving down the road and there were a bunch of trees with tape around them, obviously marked for something.

Dad: I wonder why those trees have that tape around them

Me: Those ones are marked for death, they didn't sign the treaty.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goomma
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2014
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History Class Dad Joke

This was from high school before I became a dad, but I think it still qualifies.

My history teacher was lecturing on the Paris Conference following World War I. Specifically, he was discussing each of the world leaders in attendance and each of their aims for the treaty that would result from the conference.

He was going down the line of leaders and asking the class what each leader wanted in the treaty. For example, "Britain was represented by Prime Minister David Lloyd George. What did Mr. George want in the treaty?"

He got through Britain, France, and Italy, then he came to the United States, represented by President Woodrow Wilson.

He asked, "What did Mr. Wilson want?" I responded, "Dennis out of his life once and for all?"

He and I were the only people who laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/genericguy4
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2014
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