Constitution Puns

You my lil' shorty.

The 1st amendment is the right to freeze peach.

I got quite far, but he’s farther in law.

it all ended with a Round of Ape Laws.

My daughter said, "that makes them the founding feathers, dad."

I've never been so proud.

We call it the decoration of independence.

I said that I wanted to be above the law

Say what you want about the 1st amendment...

It has far more rights than it does lefts

I said, “Honey, I’m only reading it for the Articles.”

It's "the."

"I was framed!"

The Constitution guarantees the Freedom of the Press!

And don't forget constitution.

The constitution gives me the right to bear arms.

We have the right to bare arms

Sometimes he would simply rename the brand. Sometimes he would name it a different product entirely. In a few horrific instances he repackaged it as food products. Eventually he was found, arrested, and brought to court. And though he admitted to doing all those things, he insisted that he had done nothing illegal and that moreover, his actions were protected by the law and the Constitution. His reasoning?

"I have the right to rename sealant!!!"

They violated my constitutional right to bear arms

This one's mostly about a refusal to cease and desist the dad jokes -

"Imagine Congress authorizes the military to hold a nationwide bake sale because they need/knead the dough."

Crickets.

"I was sure that would get a rise out of you."

More crickets.

"OK, I'll stop, though I'm clearly on a roll."

They gained +1 to their constitution.

EDIT: I am now closing applications and will make a decision in the next day or so. Thank you to everybody who applied - the general enthusiasm and support is wonderful to see.

( as this is a self post, I receive no karma - however I would appreciate it if you upvoted purely for visibility <3 )

Hey everybody,

The /r/dadjokes community is now over 85,000 subscribers strong. That's pretty great. Pretty super great.

Thus far, over the entire existence of this sub, I have been the only mod. Quietly watching, taking your feedback, removing a post here, approving another there - doing my best not to interfere too much. I'm going to be honest, it hasn't been that hard.

You lot are generally a pretty nice bunch, give or take a few of the more vocal lunatics. There isn't usually a lot of work to be done, or issues that need resolving.

That said, I'm not awake all the time. I can't lurk on Reddit all the time. I don't have all-seeing eyes.

So it's about time I gave another pair of eyes moderator status and entrusted those eyes with a duty of care.

Let's get down to the chase; here's what I'm looking for in an additional mod:

• You live in a very different timezone to Syd, AU - GMT+10
• You have a good sense of humour
• You're not in this purely to grow your 'net rep
• You're interested in being fair, and maintaining fairness
• You maintain civility in yourself and your responses at all times
• You have a bit of time every day to go through reports, spam, and post comments
• You understand that your moderatorship will initially be a trial, and can be revoked at any time if you aren't being magical and rad
• Some general CSS/subreddit formatting knowledge wouldn't go astray, but is not required

Here's what I am not looking for:

• Strong, cemented opinions about what constitutes a dad joke and what doesn't - everybody's dad and humour is different
• An overzealous post remover - I am not looking for an enforcer, the title moderator implies moderation
• A(nother) dictator - it is my preference that this subreddit be gently guided, and not forcibly ruled, we let the community find itself and we listen to what they say

If you wish to apply for the title and duty of being a moderator to /r/dadjokes, simply state your case (why you should be selected, what benefits or experience you bring, etc) in a comment reply to this thread. I will then get in touch with the most worthy seeming applicants. Upvotes and downvites will not be taken int

Dad says: what constitutes a stationary emergency? I'm out of letterhead and all my pencils are broken.

Her: "Zevran, you're next few levels are going to Constitution..."

Me: "He needs a Bill of Rights."

Bonus: "How many amendments are you going to give him?"

From a Dallas fundraiser this week: “[Nancy Pelosi] is tough, she is smart, and she has a heart as big as Texas — even though she’s from California,” said Obama, who opened his remarks by saying, “I’m not running for reelection. Not just because of the Constitution but also because of my wife.”

In for my flu shot. She asked me to roll up my sleeve.
Told her "Sure. You have a constitutional right to bare arms."

Friend and I were having a rather bizarre discussion online when it jokingly turned into this:

Friend: "Anyone who denies (insert comic character) is a heretic. He's a minor deity."

Me: "Oookay, I'm going to stop you there."

Friend: "Probably a god thing."

(I'm not sure this constitutes a dad joke, but the unintentional pun immediately made me think of you guys. Sorry for any offense!)

My local bar association, of course, has thirty or so listservs. On one, someone posted about a Constitutional Law course being offered through Coursera, and how the state bar is approving the course for CLE credits.

One of the responses to this email was "Coursera sera. . . whatever will be, will be."

I actually groaned this time. I don't usually groan at bad jokes.

I call it the decoration of independence!

Then the opposite of “progress” is “Congress”

(Dads can be woke too)

... what is the opposite of progress?

I know. Mind = Blown.