I named each of my kids Pun.

Just so that I can be the Father of all Puns.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PeterPenishood
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
After all this home schooling, my kid finally lost control
πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PrettyPeeved
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid I thought we’d all grow up to work with horses

All people ever talked about was getting a stable job...

πŸ‘︎ 346
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_bradley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
The wife and I have decided we don’t want kids

They’re not taking it very well

πŸ‘︎ 177
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I said to my kids, "Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do! Take Beethoven for example. They told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf!"

"But he didn't listen!"

πŸ‘︎ 229
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the buffalo say when he dropped his kid off at school?

Bison

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewyNutCluster
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Why was the 2 year old antivaxx kid depressed?

Midlife crisis

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mudkipfan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid, my parents would always say, β€œExcuse my French” after a swear word...

I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French...

πŸ‘︎ 93
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid my mom told me I could be anyone I wanted

Turns out identity theft is a crime

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/peepeeperson111
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend said, β€œMy kid refuses to eat fish. What do you think is a good replacement?”

Me: Cats. Cats love fish.

πŸ‘︎ 600
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I yelled at the kids through the colander today,

It strained my voice

πŸ‘︎ 117
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_agentj9_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A pediatric surgeon sewed his kids together as a new form of punishment.

If you can’t beat β€˜em, join β€˜em.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jay-overthinks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Why does my wife always check the kids temperature when they're sick?

Because the therdadeter doesn't work near as well.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thatoneguykc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Let me tell you kids how I built this house from the ground up..

Kids: Not again Grandpa, we've heard that story a million times! Don't you have any others to tell us?!

Grandpa: This is a one-story house.

Credit: https://inkyrickshaw.com/comic/not-very-tall-tale/

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WolvieBS
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My kid started making an airplane when I kept on telling him not to

It didn't fly with me

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/odessasomeone
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My kids were disgusted. As I choked with laughter.

Sitting down having dinner with my wife and girls (1,3,4) and my three year old says β€œDo you know what my baby does?!” And she made her doll do a backflip on the table. And almost as if instinct, I said β€œwell do you know what my baby does?! MY BABY TAKES THE MORNING TRAIN...” and I hit them with the whole of Sheena Eastons song during dinner.

It was perfect.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OldManMarc88
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the kids eat their homework?

Their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Johannes_Cabal_NA
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the armless kid get for Christmas?

Idk he hadn’t opened his present yet

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperNova7039
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Kid: Why do you stand on one leg while you get money out of the ATM?

Dad: I’m checking my balance.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/daviscojokes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
I ate a kids meal at McDonald's today.

His mom got really angry.

πŸ‘︎ 274
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I'll never vaccinate my kids, that's stupid, irresponsible, and dangerous.

I'd get the doctor to do it.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_world_thin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Have you heard of the 9 year old kid that went missing?

Apparently he was last seen applying a cream that made him 10 years younger

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MateuszMartyni
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
What did Henry VIII say to his kids when they were eating?

Tudor food

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/javaxcore
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My kids wanted me to play monster

So I told them I gambled away their college fund and slept with their aunt

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
So I’m at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still don’t know because he hasn’t opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...

And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me

β€˜Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’

πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ’€πŸ’€β˜ οΈβ˜ οΈ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.

I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/themeatspin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My kids fought for a long time over a device to measure angles

It was a protracted battle

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RatherBeSkiing
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call German children you don’t want your kids to hang out with?

The wrong kraut

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chabmitdefarb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
A kid asked his dad, "what kind of music did you listen to growing up?" The dad said "I was big into Led Zeppelin." The son asked "who?"

"Yeah" the dad replied, "I liked them too."

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
2 kids talking...

1st kid: "Do you also pray before every meal?"

2nd kid: "NO, my mum knows how to cook. "

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Road trip - why did the Dad tell the kids to take out their pencil and pad?

The sign said Draw bridge.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/peacetoall1969
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
I bought my kids Avengers action figures for Christmas so I don’t have to sit and build.

They were already assembled.

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PaulFromTheParty
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the name of a casino that even kids can gamble in?

GameStop.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/believeingodalone
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Is it o.k. to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school...

....or, am I a really bad teacher ?

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid is at the point where they want to put bandaids on everything...

I swear this is a true organic dad joke I had tonight. Felt I’d share it with reddit.

My kid came up to me and says β€œoh no, look dad, it needs a bandaid” as she gently presents her imaginarily injured bouncy ball.

I looked at my kid and said β€œI don’t think it needs a bandaid, he looks like he’s going to bounce back”

πŸ‘︎ 147
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruum-502
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What is something a Christian kid plays?

PrayStation

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Afternoonn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid said he didn’t want the tri tip I bought him for dinner

So I told him if he didn’t eat, his life would be at steak

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Devin-707
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A Jewish kid walks into a Bar...

...Mitzvah.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FuckinWimp87
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
How did Kim and Kanye inform their kid that they were divorcing?

Sorry North, things went South.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I was worried someone replaced my kid with a clever robot...
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nostyleguide
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid, my parents used to make me walk the plank.

We couldn't afford a dog.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid couldn't figure out how to pronounce abominable so I drew a guide
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BarkDocklate
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Happy New Year! Remember kids, you need to make some good resolutions to become a better version of yourself.

If you don’t, they’ll just go in one year and right out the other.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RhaenSyth
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
As a dad, I won't let my kids watch any shows on t.v. with orchestra in it....

Too much sax and violins.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Kid: farts loudly

Dad: β€œ what does your mother feed you?” Mom:” The same thing I feed you!”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Riverrat423
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Why doesn’t Santa have kids

He only comes once a year

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to McDonald’s and ate a kid’s meal today.

His mom was pretty upset at me.

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/creator35
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out identity theft is a crime

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/growupyall
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I ate a kids meal at McDonald's today....

His mother was furious.

πŸ‘︎ 367
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.