A guy on my street holds the world record for most concussions
He only lives a stone's throw away
Someone asked me to name 2 structures that hold water.
What kind of glue can you use to hold ice blocks together?
What do you call someone with great hair who can't hold down a job?
A hair-do-well...
[Just thought of that one as I was looking in the mirror.]
Why did the clown hold the door open?
Because it's a nice jester
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says
"There are five types of people..." *holds up two fingers *
Those who understand roman numerals, and those who don't...
I tried to build a shelf to hold all my favorite Brie Larson movies
With the holidays near, to set a festive atmosphere at your table, be sure you have a shiny chrome plate to hold your condiment sauce. Why?
Because there is no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.
Asked my kids this morning to bring their laundry and separate it into whites and colors. My son holds up some grey sweats and asks which pile.
My response: Not sure son, that’s kind of a grey area.
What letter holds the most water?
C.
(My eight-year-old just told me this and got me.)
Don't hold in your farts...
They will travel up your spin and you will have shitty ideas.
Dad holds baby boy
Baby smiles and starts to coo.
"Hai ku, I am dad."
A roman walks into a bar and holds up 2 fingers.
"I'll take 5 beers, please " he said.
I built a spice rack that wasn't big enough to hold all my spices
I lost track of all of space and thyme
"Fellow Spearman, why must you hold your spear in such an irregular stance?"
But then it hit them why he was holding it in a overhand grip.
How do you know when someone can't hold their beer?
When they bring a coaster.
So my daughter is clearing the table and holds her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I've never been prouder.
Which spice girl can hold the most petrol?
If you get hit in the face, the home treatment is to hold a raw steak against it to reduce swelling...
...it does more than meats the eye.
I wondered if I’d ever have the strength to hold things together like I used to
What do you call an onion that won’t hold water?
My 6yo holds a slice of red pepper up to my face and breaks it towards me. Me: “Ugh, what did you do that for. You got me all wet.”
“That was pepper spray.”
Got me!
What happens when someone is put on hold for a long period of time?
A guy told me he’d give me $5 if I could tell him two things that hold water. I though for a minute then said....
I used to hold myself on a pedestal
Now I'm banned from the museum
*holds water bottle* You see this? *drops water bottle*
A guy walks into his doctors office saying, “Help me, doctor, I’m shrinking.” “Hold on,” says the doctor,
What do you call a man who falls off a rocky ledge but holds on long enough to
Cliff Hanger... Or Mr Hanger if your being formal.
I was watching back to the future and I am amazed at how well they hold up.
They truly were ahead of their time
One of my talents is finding it easy to fasten the strap that holds the saddle to a horse...
What race did Sean Connery hold in Poland?
I used to know a teacher who could never hold a fart in.
He was a terrible private tooter.
I once attempted to hold a scarecrow’s hand
But found myself grasping at straws.
I got the chance to hold the world's largest cucumber today.
I've gotta say, it really was quite cumbersome.
When I dropped it, i thought i was in quite a pickle.
But then someone said "it's no big dill".
Urine trouble if you hold
I'm not able to hold 5 gallons of gasoline in me...
My friend asked me if I could name two different structures that hold water.
I could not think of the name for the triangle that holds the balls in a pool game...
No matter how hard I racked my brain.
I truly admire people who can hold 9 to 5 jobs
I can barely work 2 jobs at once myself
How do you hold a party in space?
Hold the door open for a clown
Someone asked me to name 2 structures that hold water.
Someone asked me to name 2 structures that hold water.
Julius Caesar walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers
And says "Give me five beers".
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says
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