My grandpa was responsible for downing 43 German planes in WW2.
To this day he still holds the record as the worst mechanic in the Luftwaffe.
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it roll up a joint.
Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
Here's a step-by-step guide on how to fall down stairs!
Step 28
Step 27
Step 24
Step 21
Step 16
Step 12
Step 7
Step 3
Step 1
Just a buffalo laying down, bisoness as usual.
I’ve recently discovered I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.
I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!
UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers.
You make the world a happier place! 🤩
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, “Do you want to hear today’s special?”
I said, “Yes please.”
Waiter: “No problem sir. Today is special.”
Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.
Our dog has been a little under the weather so we took him in for a checkup. The vet picked him up, studied him for a bit, sighed and said, "I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna have to put him down." Tears welling in my eyes I sputtered, "Why!? What's wrong with him?"
The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"
what do you call a tree that will never give you up, never let you down, never gonna run around and desert you?
A lumberjack once told me he’s cut down 27,562 trees
“How do ya know exactly how many?” I inquired
Lumberjack: “Easy. I keep a log.”
my wife and I found out that our boy was convicted of burning down houses
no matter what he's still arson
That's reeeealy deeeep down
I was driving down the interstate when I came across a sign for the world's largest pickle...
I turned at the next exit and found that there was a whole town around it.
Shops, restaurants, even churches devoted to this pickle.
When I finally found the museum holding this legendary pickle, I discovered it was closed.
Dismayed, I went back to the interstate.
I just never saw what the big dill was.
My roommates said I really need to cut down on the amount of deli meat I’ve been eating
But I’m not about to quit cold turkey
The elevator at work was broken so I took the stairs...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Now no one can get down.
My father told me about an astronaut who suffocated because he left a vacuum upside down in an airlock
Father: What a horrible way to Dyson
Joke sucked, I know
Now that I’m officially a dad I have my first good joke. Me and my wife are driving down the road and a bug splats the window.
I turn to her and say “I bet he don’t have the guts to do that again”
Edit: holy shit y’all this blew up. Thank you master dads. I feel worthy
My son flushed one of his shoes down the toilet, stopping it up...
My pal and I went to dissect insects in biology class. He looks down and says
If there is one genre of music that raises me up on some days and gets me down other days
Every machine in the coin factory broke down all of a sudden without explanation.
It just doesn’t make any cents.
For Intelligent, Down-to-Earth People.
If we got rid of the Earth's core,
it would be dismantling to our infrastructure.
So the doctor sat me down and gently revealed to me me that my child is a boy trapped in a girls body...
...Until my wife gives birth that is. Only three more months to go!
You know, I had such a happy childhood. My dad used to put me in tyres and roll me down the hill.
Don't let your guard down.
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft?
We need to crack down on Marijuana usage
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
What sound does an upside down cow make?
I finally cut ties with a friend who was dragging me down
Mountain climbing with a friend is very hard.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog shit
A lady came up behind me and slipped as well, I said I just did that, she slapped me and said use the toilet next time
A man is walking down the street when he looks into an alley and sees 2 sharks standing up.
One shark hands the other one a small packet full of some suspicious white powder.
"That's some fishy business" the man remarks.
On the first day of my flying lessons, I looked down nervously and asked my instructor, “What are all these buttons for?”
“They are to keep your shirt done up” he replied.
A big bear goes into a bar and slaps down a $20 bill and says to the bartender,"give me a gin and................tonic"
The bartender replies, "Why the big paws?"
How do you get down off an elephant?
You don't. You get down off a duck.
Soccer coach to newbie: "Basically, you kick this ball down the field and try to get it into that big net at the end."
"That's the goal at least."
Every year around this time, my family and I go out to the woods to pick out and cut down our own menorah.
I have a co-worker who claimed for years that he hates Christmas. He finally broke down and told me he secretly loves it, he just has a reputation to maintain.
He finally came out of the Santa Claus-et.
You know, people made fun of trump for the way he went down that ramp.
It was a little con descending in my opinion.
How hard is it to track down a bread thief?
What do you call it when a psychiatrist falls down on ice?
I walked down this street where the houses were numbered, 64K, 128K, 256K, and 1MB
That was a trip down memory lane.
So, I was in a coffee shop drinking tea, and when I reached down to tie my shoe, my tea was gone!
I saw this guy with the same cup as me and chased him down the street. Finally caught up with him and realized...that’s not my cup of tea
Why are dad jokes always written down so neatly?
We have excellent punmanship!
It was so painful having to put my pet dog down today.
I might have to get my back checked out.
Had the wife stop the movie to watch a quick clip. After she sat down I told her" You could cut the dogs feet off".
She said "I don't understand.....".
I said " UN-PAUSE".
I had to explain it to her...
What do you call a narcissistic criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
