Asked my wife how many diapers I should get
π︎ 97
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︎ Jan 09 2021
Jokingly said it was a poopy diaper, wife was surprised and asked βReally?!?!β
I said no, Iβm just making shit up.
π︎ 21
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︎ Dec 23 2020
I wore a diaper to the comedy show
Just for shits and giggles
π︎ 8
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︎ Nov 15 2020
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag.
Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
π︎ 26
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︎ Oct 02 2020
I need to start wearing a diaper when I go to Vegas...
Itβs always just a matter of time until craps ruin my day
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 22 2020
You guys ever see the price of diapers?
π︎ 43
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︎ Jul 25 2020
Does anyone know how to get stains out of cloth diapers?
We've tried everything, but it remains undie turd.
π︎ 9
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︎ Aug 08 2020
What kind of diapers does Sidney Crosby wear?
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 08 2020
My wife keeps trying to make me wear diapers
Sheβs got to be kid-ding me.
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 21 2020
Why did the dad change the poopy diaper?
He was #2 in the household pecking order.
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 25 2020
I take my time when choosing a diaper cream...
I don't want to make a quick, rash decision!
π︎ 15
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︎ Feb 03 2020
There was a diaper bag on sale for only 23 cents.
I got it for spare change
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 21 2020
I think my wife is changing my sonβs diaper too often.
The box says they are good for up to 14 pounds.
π︎ 34
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︎ Aug 24 2019
Her: what took you long? Me: you dont say. I just had a chat with our son bout how he should be wearing a proper underwear instead of diapers,
It was just a brief discussion.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 14 2019
I've been wearing diapers recently for two reasons
Number one and number two
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 20 2019
They say Counterfeit diapers are an accident waiting to happen
But I think they are full of crap
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 20 2019
My boss is like a diaper...
Always on my ass and usually full of shit.
π︎ 7
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︎ Jul 16 2019
It's a grandpa joke but whatever. 'Kids, when you're my age, you'll really want to wear diapers again for 2 good reasons'
'What are the reasons?'
'#1, and #2'
'Oh grandpa...'
'You don't understand. #2 was a solid one'
'Stoooop'
'And you should already understand #1, it runs in your genes'
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Jul 10 2017
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
π︎ 17
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︎ May 06 2019
Why did the landlocked country need diapers?
Because it was in-continent!
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 01 2019
What do you say to a baby who speaks French and wets his diaper?
European man
(Courtesy of my husband)
π︎ 7
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︎ May 13 2019
I'm always asked to put on a new diaper for our baby, but I childishly refuse.
My wife wishes I would change.
π︎ 6
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︎ Apr 07 2019
What kind of diapers did Michael Jackson's kids wear?
π︎ 11
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︎ Feb 11 2019
What did the Pink Panther say to his misbehaving son during a diaper change?
Butt up - butt up - butt up butt up butt up butt up butt up!
π︎ 20
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︎ Jul 01 2018
What kind of bear wears diapers?
π︎ 11
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︎ Jun 22 2018
My 1 week old son has some bad diaper rash.
Heβs pretty butthurt about it.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 06 2019
My baby daughter has diarrhea. I've changed so many poopy diapers today, I couldn't even tell you how many.
They all just kinda run together at this point
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 10 2018
My kids' diapers have characters like Eeyore, Tigger, Piglet, etc...
Occasionally I tell my wife, "We can't use that one, it already has Pooh on it."
π︎ 53
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︎ Jul 01 2018
My grandad went crazy and stopped wearing his diapers. I guess you could say heβs
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 06 2018
Someone stole diapers and baby pacifiers from the childcare center.
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 15 2018
Diapers
Diapers come in sizes that are rated according to the baby's weight i.e. "up to 12 lbs". Every time my dad (grandpa to my kids) sees a pack of diapers he says " I don't think they'll hold that much ". Every. Single. Time.
π︎ 785
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︎ Sep 02 2013
I think I need to get my baby new diapers.
They say they are rated for 14-18 lbs but they keep splitting open when they are only 4-5 lbs full.
π︎ 9
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︎ Sep 09 2018
My wife got mad at me today for not changing a poopy diaper.
I told her, "the box says good for 15-18 lbs! there isn't even 1 lb of poop in there now."
π︎ 11
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︎ Aug 01 2018
I had an offer to invest in a diaper company. But I refused.
Seemed like a pretty crappy business to me.
π︎ 4
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︎ Sep 20 2018
I heard reusable diapers were much cheaper...
...Since the baby was born I donβt have much disposable income.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 08 2018
There are new diapers that only have to be changed once a week!
It says right on the box, "8 to 12 pounds."
π︎ 5
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︎ Jul 24 2018
How do you clean cloth nappies (diapers)?
Boil the shit out of them.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 07 2018
My husband and I were changing our 3 week old son's diaper
It's 3 am, we're both exhausted, and this tiny child just took the biggest poop!
Me: Wow! That's a hefty diaper!
Husband: Actually, that's a Pampers...Hefty makes trash bags.
Me: groan I'm going to bed!
π︎ 20
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︎ Aug 20 2016
My daughter had some rumbly noises going on in her diaper while she was eating her snack today. Afterward I checked her diaper. Bracing myself, I was surprised to find she pulled a Vladimir
There was no poop. She was just Putin.
π︎ 13
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︎ Nov 13 2017
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag.
Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
π︎ 379
π
︎ Jan 07 2020
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag.
Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jul 01 2019
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag.
Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
π︎ 29
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︎ Jan 30 2019
I only wear diapers for two reasons
Number one
And number two
π︎ 25
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︎ Jul 01 2018
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