I saw some people building a new bridge near me and every lunch break, they would sit down for afternoon tea complete with tablecloth and napkins…

It was very civil engineering…

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
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My Russian friend is on strike down at the napkin factory.

He's in the serviette union

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DjangoVanTango
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
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Another one of my napkin doodles.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/El-Rob75
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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What do you call a Russian Napkin?

A Soviet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drwaffles90
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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Napkin doodle. β€œFunny,how?”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/El-Rob75
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
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This napkin is in mint condition.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nephalem92
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
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How do you make a napkin dance?

You put a boogie in it πŸ•Ί

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rxmo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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My 3yo Daughter came up to me saying her dolly was cold so I tore her off a piece of paper towel. She then said daddy this is a napkin.

I assure her it was quilted

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xRussianbishop
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
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My friend asked me why I eat napkins with every meal

I told him it was so that I don’t have to wipe later

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fat-bandit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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I got cloth napkins for the holidays. They’re a pun goldmine.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aerlenbach
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
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How does a napkin sneeze?

Tissue

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1BadAirman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
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Can I have a napkin? twitter.com/MrPresidentTo…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/twin802
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2016
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How do you make a napkin dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/raskulous
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2016
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Someone drew this and stuck it on a napkin dispenser in the campus pub
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderCunningham
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2014
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"Hey dad, can you pass me a napkin?"

Dad - Sure, do you want a clean one?

He loves this one. I don't.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tyronebiggums_5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2015
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My dad wrote this on a napkin during a Jewish Holiday

We're Jewish if you couldn't tell...

"Jew Eat No Jew"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chefgantor
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2013
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dad, checkered napkins, cat.

During lunch, dad takes the blue/white checkered napkins, wraps it around the cat's head and proudly exclaims, "look! Yassir Aracat!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chubaccatron
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2013
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Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.

He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the shit out of it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
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An old man placed an order for one hamburger, french fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.

As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously, they were thinking, "That poor old couple...all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."

As the man began to eat his fries, a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple.

The old man said, they were just fine, they were used to sharing everything.

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite.

She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.

This time the old woman said, "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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The Goddess Mosquito

I currently have a very uncomfortable and inflamed bug bite on my foot. This morning while making my coffee, I noticed a fat mosquito walking around on the counter. I called my husband over to kill it.

He grabbed a napkin, killed it, and said, "Wow. That was definitely the Goddess Mosquito."

I obviously asked with genuine curiosity, "What's a Goddess Mosquito?"

He said,

"It's the one that got us."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/papyra
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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What do you call family that sleeps a lot?

Napkin.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsKilLikeMine
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
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What are they teaching kids these days?

My 2 year old little girl was sitting at the kitchen table eating her dinner. It was me and my wife and her, just chilling. So, she drops her napkin on the floor and I pick it up and hand it to her, to which she says thank you daddy. So, I ask her if she can say thank you in spanish.

"Thank you daddy, in spanish"

I almost choked on my meal I laughed so hard, and my wife groaned. I have never been prouder.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lidsville76
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2016
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I have a cousin who always takes a siesta.

He’s my napkin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awbx58
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
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I was at a bar with my new girlfriend.

I picked up the fork and said "wanna fork?" She then picked up a napkin and said "it's napkina happen."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Krazy_Legs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2016
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Do I have something on my face

Just got done eating wings with my wife. She asked if she had anything on her face, I paused and said your nose. The guy at the table behind us laughed. I laughed, she was wiping her nose.

She then cussed me and threw her booger napkin at me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WarD3agle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
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What do you call a sleeping paper towel?

A napkin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PicanteMule02
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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My roomate's brother makes a duck call.

So My roomate invited me to his family Thanksgiving/holiday party yesterday. After dessert we're all sitting around and the children present are being rowdy. My roomate's brother calls them all over to our table and insists on showing them how to make a duck call. He begins ripping apart an empty soda can and wrapping it up in a very complicated fashion with a napkin and a plastic fork. He meticulously takes the top off, makes strips of metal, and winds them into this plastic fork. He carries on like this for about five minutes, the children utterly transfixed, sit watching until his creation is finally "complete". He then holds it up to his mouth, inhales, and shouts: "HERE DUCKY DUCKY DUCKY!!!"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhilboBaggins93
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
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The Pundits - Part 1

A quaint little men's class,

a few with class,

some smelling of a gin glass,

some with eyes of a lass,

the remainder eyeing a lad,

but all glad,

and all present,

youngster of the present,

bearders of the crescent,

readers new testaments,

preachers of old testaments,

bearers of saffron tenets,

wearers of white tints,

weird lovers of croissant,

well, all here, will all hear?

we never know,

lets look at the show

 

The English teacher, said,

"how to drink a juice?"

i know, said bart the bartender,

"with vodka and chicken tender"

the weirded beardo now angry,

showed he was a shouter,

wanted to be a bart-ender,

while shushing the crowd,

use a pipe, piped up a voice, loud,

"huh" exclaimed preacher pastor,

"no smoking" he said, showing a guilty fluster ,

"no sir" said the voice,

I'm extra maker,

spoke the voice quicker,

Mr.White scratching head,

"I'm an ex-straw maker",

the air cleared.

 

Proceeding further, Teacher continued,

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themadraspaiyan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
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Eating spaghetti with the two year old

Him: shovels spaghetti into gob using both hands, smearing spaghetti, olive oil and garlic all over his face

Me: β€œWell now you’ve gotta pasta face and pasta fingers, I guess I gotta pasta napkin”

My wife: Eye roll

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πŸ‘€︎ u/irongustavius
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2018
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What do you call a family member that sleeps too much?

A napkin

πŸ‘︎ 177
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2016
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My son the aspiring dad

My boyfriend wanted a protein shake and was asked me to make one. I was stalling a little bit and my son piped in "You gotta scare her first" we said what? "That's how you make a shake". I was laughing and so my son decided to keep going. He said "How do you make a napkin dance?" "You put a lil boogie in it" at that point I groaned. My boyfriend said "Quit while you are ahead" my son replied "But I'm a body"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mechchic84
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2015
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What do you call the people in your family who sleeps all the time?

Well, obviously they're napkin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GIGAR
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2017
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What do you call sleeping siblings?

Napkin.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2017
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You wouldn't believe what I saw on my way home from work last night.

Okay so I get off at 4:00 and I didn't waste any time leaving the office. Shut down my computer, grabbed my keys, and I was on the road by 4:05. It had been a pretty crazy day and I was ready to get home.

As I'm driving home I notice I'm running on Empty. I probably could have made it home but I was really craving a Coca Cola so I decide to stop at the nearest gas station.

Anyways I'm filling my tank I see an old lady a few gas pumps away putting gas in her old beat up station wagon but didn't really think anything of it and just continued to enjoy my icey cold Coca Cola.

Next thing I know I see this old lady holding the gas pump nozzle spewing gas everywhere. I guess she had taken the nozzle out of the vehicle w out disengaging the automatic trigger or whatever but it went EVERYWHERE. Her car, her arms, the ground, all over the place and by the time she got that thing to stop spraying there was at least a gallon of gas everywhere.

So I immediately run over to see if she's okay

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2015
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Sea Bass

So I am staying in Germany with a host family. I know little German and we all went out for lunch. I was looking at the seafood section and I took forever in deciding what I wanted, going back and forth between the salmon and the sea bass. I finally decided on the sea bass, and we order our food.

So some restaurants in Germany are a lot more casual than American restaurants, and you sometimes seat yourself and the waiter/waitress will bring the silverware and napkins to you later. So when I saw the waiter bring over a plate with silverware and napkins on it, he placed it in front of me, to which I naturally said:

"Well, I could have sworn I ordered the sea bass."

My host family literally died laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tallu309
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2014
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My mom, the klepto

This is a prank my dad used to pull, and I look forward to doing it one day.

When at a party, my dad would always take a few insignificant things. A knife, a spoon, a cloth napkin maybe a magazine. A week or so later he would mail it back to them with a note that read...

"I'm so sorry. My wife is a kleptomaniac and I found these in her purse. She is working hard on it, please keep this between us."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNotoriousHAM
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2013
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My son struck dad joke gold, caught us both by surprise

My son is 14 but he still picks his nose. A lot. He also eats it after. A lot. Grosses me out to the extreme, so I rib him about it hoping he'll stop, even using bribery, but no progress yet.

A couple of nights ago I saw him doing it again out of the corner of my eye, then he suddenly got up and ran into the kitchen for a napkin. Yup, bloody nose, no surprise there.

"Find what you were digging for?" I asked him.

"No," he says. "I was digging for gold but struck oil."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/akambe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2015
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My dad used to get under my skin with this...

Whenver I ask my dad for anything this would be his response:

Me: "Hey dad, could you pass me a napkin?"

Him: "I sure can!" (Followed by a stare and no movement)

Me: "So can I get that napkin?"

Him: "You most definitely can"

It was the greatest mixture of annoyance and dad humor that used to urk me to no end but looking back at it one that I will definitely use on my kids.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pkmnkiller41
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2013
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My dad dropped this one while receiving my gift from them

My dad had some icing from cinnamon rolls on his hand, so when he went to give me my gift (bike), he got some of the icing on it.

Me: "Dad, can you get me a napkin or something to wipe the icing off?"

Dad: "Why? You got a pretty sweet ride!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kortheuerm
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
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Thank you, autocorrect!

GF's text autocorrected to: "I'm so glad we're dining this together, I would be a mess without you."

Me: "Are those lyrics from the hit song 'Love letter to a napkin'?".

I could feel her eye roll and groan from 5 hours away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abunchofatoms
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2015
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I was out for lunch with my girlfriend today…

And we found ourselves more interested in the napkin dispenser than we probably should have. It occurred to us that there was an industry in these dispensers, and we should join it and crush the competition.

I quipped, "Yes. We need to make our own napkin empire, and beat the Ottoman Empire."

She said that joke could and should become famous.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jelvinjs7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2015
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Kind of gross one I dadjoked my wife with at the dinner table

Wife: Can you pass me a napkin?

Me: Sure, but I'll have to eat it first.

Groan.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2014
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After living with 2 boys and my dad for 18 years, the only joke my mom hates

After throwing down his napkin after we all finish the last of the pizza..."Well, we wiped that out like a dirty asshole!" Mom just shakes her head.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wookie180
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2013
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Every time we drive by a "Sanitary Landfill" sign...

...I turn to my wife and ask, "do you think they sell napkins there?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimrob4
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2014
🚨︎ report

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