I’ve lost count of the times I forgot
πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bo_veytia
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a rooster that could count once...

It was a mathmachicken

πŸ‘︎ 188
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mother_Flerken
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you count cows?

With a cowculator.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
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Mrs. Dracula, from the living room: "Count Dracula!"

Count Dracula, from the basement:"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6..."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phripheoniks
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I had a hen who could count her own eggs.

She was a mathemachicken.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a hen who counts her eggs?

A Mathemachicken

πŸ‘︎ 217
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Locoboco2018
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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The Count
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ahydron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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Do black and white count as colors?

It's a gray area.

πŸ‘︎ 278
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Who_GNU
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you call something that makes a lot of sense for people who know how to count if you dont?

Counterintuitive

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raaxen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I've got a chicken who counts her own eggs....

She's a mathamachicken.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Physicists are playing hide and seek in the afterlife. It's Einstein turn to seek. He counts to 100, turns around and notices Newton in a 1m*1m square. Hah, Newton, I found you!

See Einstein, the problem here is that you discovered Pascal!

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zsozso01
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
A Mexican magician tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of 3.

He says, β€œuno, dos..” and then POOF he disappeared without a tres…

πŸ‘︎ 676
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ParadoxXSchock
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Does this count?
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MiauMiauMoon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
It's the little things that count (also a T-rex's arms)

https://www.instagram.com/standup.trex/

https://preview.redd.it/9449vyyyj4f61.png?width=620&format=png&auto=webp&s=4f5d46a86d95447af0958da58a8583a00398e36f

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mondalengo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
A man goes to a beekeeper and asks for 12 bees. He counts, and sees he has been given 13....

β€œSir, you gave me an extra!” he says. The beekeeper replies β€œOh, that’s a freebie”

πŸ‘︎ 153
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MARKHENRY88
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
They should count all the people in this country that make $40k a year or less

Seems like common census

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. β€œThat’s one too many!” says the customer.

The clerk replies β€œIt’s a freebie”

πŸ‘︎ 23k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
So there’s this Spanish magician. His main trick was performing a spectacular vanishing act. He said that he’d vanish on the count of three. β€œUno” β€œDos”

And then he vanished, without a tres.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cookiesncream6969
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My mom said this unknowingly but it still counts

So I was complaining about where I am in life and the path I have chosen she said

"Don't try to blame someone else for the road your on ....its your own asphalt"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oilspilpenguin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How does a farmer count his herd?

With a Cowculator.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DismalSeagull
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an octopus that can't count?

A septopus

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaydezi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the German man say when asked if he could count past 8?

Nein

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sangimil
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A good title for a conservative news article a couple days ago when Trump declared β€œStop the count!” after Biden started making gains but Trump still could’ve shocked the world would’ve been...

β€œTrump’s Not Down For the Count”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadow_Boxer1987
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do bottomless shoes count as Halloween decorations.

Because they have no soles.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lilleyal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
If I have the ability to count

Does that mean I have accountability?

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call more turkeys than you can count?

A Gobbillion. Happy thanksgiving!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I was wondering what's taking them so long to count all the votes in Nevada

But I realized it's because their work is Neva Dan

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do mission controllers count down on takeoff?

If they counted up the space shuttle would never take off.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Count Dracula is a terrible project manager...

... He always avoid the stakeholders.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trickertreater
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Does this count as a pun?.. it's my favorite thing I've ever created...
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lianrhod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the Mexican Magician? He announced to his audience: "For my final illusion, I will make myself vanish on the count of three…"

"… UNO! DOS!" *POOF* And he vanished without a Tres.

πŸ‘︎ 286
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Does this count as a pun?
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wizartti
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I recently got a hen to regularly count her eggs

She's a real mathemachicken!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cokedupbunny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the French man who could only count to seven?

He had a Huit allergy.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't know if this counts, but...

Every time my sister and I would play the board game "Life" when we were little, we would ask my dad this:

Me: "Dad, wanna play life with us?"

Dad: "I'm already playing"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thundergrb77
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do snakes count time in?

Sekans.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deafbones
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Does this count?? Idc, imma post it anyway
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeltedSSD
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Do Grandpa Jokes count?

My brother was laying in the grass and got up and asked my grandpa if there was anything on his back. My grandpa replied β€œyea, your shirt”

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-Triedd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
A Mexican magician told his audience he would disappear on the count of three. He says β€œUno...Dos...” *POOF*

...he disappeared without a Très

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you count cows ?

With a cow-culator.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AWeirdLlama
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a hen who counts her eggs?

A mathemachicken

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you count cows

A cowculator

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you count cows?

With a cowculator

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/livelylou4
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a hen who could count her own eggs.

She was a mathemachicken!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A Spanish-speaking magician announced that would disappear on the count of three. "Uno...dos...." POOF!

He disappeared without a tres.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a hen that counts her eggs?

A mathmachicken!

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cuttcake
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a hen who counts her eggs?

A mathemachicken

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a hen who could count her own eggs.

She was a mathemachicken.

πŸ‘︎ 172
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MyJelloJiggles
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report

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