I had to break up with this girl who just would not stop counting.
I wonder what she’s up to now.
A tattoo artist has a guy come in and get a new mark on an expanding list of hash marks. After a few sessions the tattoo artist asks “What are you counting?”
And the guy says “how many tattoos I have now”
10...9...My Dad was counting down. I asked why. 7...6... “Because it’ll be 12:57, he said.” 5...4... “What’s so special about 12:57?” I asked.
I left my wife because she was obsessed with counting
I wonder what she's up to now
On October 5, 1520, the British discovered counting by 5's.
I started counting from 1.
To continue after 9, I had to put in a lot of effort. It was in tens.
If you’re ever trying to do something unexpected, don’t steal someone’s abacus. They’ll be counting on that.
I can always identify people who have a hard time counting to 10.
They are usually ahead of me in the express lane at the grocery store.
A mom angrily told her 4 year old son to say counting if he wanted to get his lunch. So the boy started... 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 9 10...
I don't think he need that lunch anymore. He already 8
The Pink Panther was counting the ants that he had killed.
Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead aaaaaant....
Counting Crows should release a song called CORVID 19.
Counting on you !
My son was just opening his computer this morning to start his school work. I walked my fingers up his arm, counting 1,2,3,4,5. He asked me what I was doing. I told him "Counting on you......to do a good job at school today.
My toddler was counting his fingers, and determined he had six.
I said “oh, well let me take one of those off your hands for you”
You know, sometimes, as I lie in bed, looking up into the great night sky, counting each star and watching the moon slowly float by, I think to myself:
"Where the fuck is my roof?"
I'm guessing she was eggselent at counting.
https://preview.redd.it/vzqq0rjck4l31.png?width=703&format=png&auto=webp&s=5ad29bbb0a2b1351b83a74828286f10ae7cb0586
The Ancient Romans could have known Jesus was coming if they had taken the time to notice the years were counting down backwards
A frenchman was counting his boats
One, two, three, four, six. he says. His friend asks him what happened to five. He told him that it cinq.
Every year on New Year's Eve, when everyone's counting down the final 10 seconds to ring in the new year, I get up off the couch and stand up. I stand up and raise my left leg and just leave it raised for a little while until the countdown finishes and midnight strikes
that way I always start the new year off on the right foot
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek. Einstein is counting. Pascal runs and hides, but Newton just draws a square and sit down. Einstein opens his eyes and exclaims, "Newton, I've found you!"
Newton replies, "No, you found Newton over a square meter. You've found Pascal!"
My friends told me to stop counting.
They think I do it two much.
I was polled: “When counting to five on your fingers, where do you start?”
Me: “One”
(He was interested in thumb, or index finger. Apparently he had a write-in for pinky. Weird)
Due date 3 months and counting. Practice
Friend: I want chicken wings.
Me: I’ll stick with my human arms.
CAN I BE A DAD YET?!‽
A terrorist group leader hates counting up in fives
So he introduced a tally ban.
My kitchen timer is broken...good thing I wasn't counting on it.
When I was little I had problems counting
I was saying the same thing, 1,2 many times
I heard troops in Afghanistan had trouble counting...
Ever since the tally ban.
My husband started counting to the neighborhood kids - 1, 3, 5, 7, 9 and then asked the kids what he was doing....
My dad has pulled this on me for 21 years and counting.
(We are watching sports or he flips the tv to a sporting game)
Me: Hey Dad who's winning?
Dad: Team with the most points (huehuehuehue)
Me: (sigh) yeah, nice Dad. Who has the most points then?
Dad: The team that's winning. (Huehuehuehue)
Me: forget it.
Love you pops.
BIL was telling us about one of his exes who counted everything. In fact, her incessant counting was a factor in the breakup.
FIL quips "I wonder what she's up to."
Always counting on my Dad for one of these.
After walking through the room he is sitting in saying "HUMP DAY!"
He responds with: "Heh, but don't even ask me about Tuesdays on Twitter."
I pause for a moment thinking..
"What's Tuesdays on Twi-.."
"I told you not to ask me."
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9..9.1...9.2...9.3.. Are you counting?', they asked.
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