A tattoo artist has a guy come in and get a new mark on an expanding list of hash marks. After a few sessions the tattoo artist asks “What are you counting?”
And the guy says “how many tattoos I have now”
On October 5, 1520, the British discovered counting by 5's.
If you’re ever trying to do something unexpected, don’t steal someone’s abacus. They’ll be counting on that.
Counting on you !
My son was just opening his computer this morning to start his school work. I walked my fingers up his arm, counting 1,2,3,4,5. He asked me what I was doing. I told him "Counting on you......to do a good job at school today.
Every year on New Year's Eve, when everyone's counting down the final 10 seconds to ring in the new year, I get up off the couch and stand up. I stand up and raise my left leg and just leave it raised for a little while until the countdown finishes and midnight strikes
that way I always start the new year off on the right foot
I was polled: “When counting to five on your fingers, where do you start?”
Me: “One”
(He was interested in thumb, or index finger. Apparently he had a write-in for pinky. Weird)
My kitchen timer is broken...good thing I wasn't counting on it.
My dad has pulled this on me for 21 years and counting.
(We are watching sports or he flips the tv to a sporting game)
Me: Hey Dad who's winning?
Dad: Team with the most points (huehuehuehue)
Me: (sigh) yeah, nice Dad. Who has the most points then?
Dad: The team that's winning. (Huehuehuehue)
Me: forget it.
Love you pops.
Always counting on my Dad for one of these.
After walking through the room he is sitting in saying "HUMP DAY!"
He responds with: "Heh, but don't even ask me about Tuesdays on Twitter."
I pause for a moment thinking..
"What's Tuesdays on Twi-.."
"I told you not to ask me."
Whats the one thing in life you can always count on?
A Mexican magician tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of 3.
He says, “uno, dos..” and then POOF he disappeared without a tres…
So there’s this Spanish magician. His main trick was performing a spectacular vanishing act. He said that he’d vanish on the count of three. “Uno” “Dos”
And then he vanished, without a tres.
Why do mission controllers count down on takeoff?
If they counted up the space shuttle would never take off.
Did you hear the one about the Mexican Magician? He announced to his audience: "For my final illusion, I will make myself vanish on the count of three…"
"… UNO! DOS!" *POOF* And he vanished without a Tres.
I got a new tattoo because I wanted my friends to be able to count on me.
It read: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
In these hard times of 2020, I know two things you can always count on,
A calculator and an abacus....
All my Canadian friends don't think they can count on me...
but I know Yukon count on me because I'm having Nunavut.
Big shout out to my fingers...
I can always count on them!
My wife has the most weird abacus tattoo on her back.
But I can always count on her
I can count on one hand how many times I've visited Chernobyl
A good Knight should make sure they have a weapon that they can count on
I would like to thank my arms for always being at my side, my legs for supporting me, and my fingers because i could count on them
Dors this count? Found on teabags in France.
First time on this subreddit, does this count?
A cowboy counted 48 horses on his property, but when he rounded them up...
The alarm clock may be bulky, dirty, and poorly designed
But it's what's on the inside that counts.
My dad asked me to post this on here so I guess it counts as a 'dad joke'
I was reading some dad jokes to him from here and earlier today he insisted that I post about 'cup of joy' on here.
When he was a kid, he and his brother would fart in their hands, keep it closed, release it into each other's faces, and say 'cup of joy'.
He cracks up every time he tells someone about it and he talks about it A LOT.
First post btw :)
Did you hear about the Mexican Magician?
He was performing his act and got the the final trick. On the count of three he would vanish. The audience yelled “one”, and the magician smiled, “two”, and he disappeared without a tres.
You can always count on my dad to respond to everything with a dad joke.
So my mom has a phobia of mice and she found one in my old room (I’m away at college). My dad said he would “take care of it”, which he did, but then the cat killed another one and so she’s upset and was texting my dad things like “I can’t live here knowing there’s mice, it’s been nice knowing you.” And my dad’s first response was “you saying it’s been mice knowing me?” Such a classic dad move, I laughed so hard even though I probably shouldn’t have.
My mate has just seen the Chernobyl documentary...
He actually grew up in Ukraine in the 1980’s and was able to count at least 8 historical inaccuracies on one hand.
A Mexican magician told his audience he would disappear on the count of three. He says “Uno...Dos...” *POOF*
...he disappeared without a Très
A Spanish-speaking magician announced that would disappear on the count of three. "Uno...dos...." POOF!
He disappeared without a tres.
A Spanish-speaking magician announced that he would disappear on the count of three. "Uno...dos..." POOF!!
He disappeared without a tres.
A Mexican magician said he will disappear on the count of three
Uno.... Dos..... Poof
He disappeared without a tres
A Mexican magician said that he could disappear on the count of three. He started "unos, dos.."
But then he disappeared without a tres...
There was a Mexican magician who said "I will disappear on the count of 3"! The crowd was silent. He began to count. "Uno... Dos...
and the magician disappeared, with out a trace.
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three.
Uno, dos... poof. He disappeared without a tres.
My calculator is very old
But I can always count on it
The Mexican magician said he would disappear on the count of three
He disappeared without a tres
I can count the number of times I’ve been to Chernobyl on one hand.
A Mexican magician told his audience that he would vanish on the count of 3. Uno, dos and he disappeared without a tres...
I can count on one hand how many times I visited Chernobyl
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says “Uno, dos,” *poof*
...he disappeared without a tres
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos, ..." *POOF!*
He disappeared without a tres.
(I'll see myself out)
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