Got a complimentary cheeseburger at McDonalds

It said I had nice eyes

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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The original cheeseburger.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArpitJain96
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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I had a physical and my doctor said, "don't eat anything fatty". I said like "bacon and cheeseburgers ?"

He said "No, fatty, don't eat anything!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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I called my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up cheeseburgers and fries on my way home from work, but she just grunted at me...

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2017
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Have it delivered to the Get Cheeseburger address.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
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A man walks into a library and asks, "Can I have a cheeseburger?"

The librarian says, "Sir, this is a library."

The man whispers, "Can I have a cheeseburger?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucas_powerglove
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2017
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How do Cheeseburger introduce you to his girlfriend?

Meat Patty

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πŸ‘€︎ u/damn_jexy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
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I went to a diner with my dad and he ordered a cheeseburger.

Waitress asks: "How would you like it?"

Dad: "You know, on a bun."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HiimCaysE
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2015
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What do you call a cheeseburger in a race car?

Fast food.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iron_Gunna
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2016
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Friend: "How good are those double cheeseburgers?

Me: "They're about twice as good as the regular ones."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/djmccarty
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2014
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What is the world's greatest and most unsuspecting salad dressing?

A Cheeseburger

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thoughts-persist
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
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A man and a women order a McDonalds

The man orders a Big Mac and a large fries. His wife orders a single cheeseburger. When the woman finishes her burger she glances at her husband. He has finished his burger and is moving onto the fries.

Still hungry, she looks at the fries and asks, 'Do you mind if I have a couple?'

He sighs and says, 'I suppose so,'

So she reaches over and takes a handful. The husband turns to her and asks, 'Is that a German couple?'

Confused, she responds, 'What is a German couple?'

He says, 'nein' as he slides his food out of her reach.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joe4nna
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Judge: Order in the court!

Me: I'll have a cheeseburger and fries

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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I asked my North Korean friend how he liked living there. He said he couldn't complain.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/exactchange516
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2017
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The Fast Food Marathon [OC]
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pununciation
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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A man walked into a Library...

A Man Walked into a Library. He approached the front desk, rapped on the wood with his knuckles, and declared "MA'AM, I WOULD LIKE A CHEESEBURGER AND FRIES." The receptionist was startled, and replied "sir, please.. this is a library!" The man gasped, looked around surprised, and replied in a very quiet whisper: "i'm so sorry. i would like a cheeseburger and fries."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbacconnn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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After being stuck in traffic for an hour, I turned to my wife and said, β€œThat’s it. I’m turning round.”

She said, β€œThen stop eating so many cheeseburgers.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
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My dad had a good one yesterday.

We pull into the drive through at In-N-Out. My dad orders two cheeseburgers, two fries, a medium Coke, a medium sprite, and some extra ketchup.

Woman on speaker: "Ok. Will that be all for you?" Dad: "No, some of that is for my son." Woman on Speaker: "...............................ok."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jipleary
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2016
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Tonight I was at the movie theater snack bar with my fiancΓ©...

Me: I'll have a cheeseburger, hotdog, 2 tater tots, 1 popcorn and a large soda.

Cashier: Will that be all?

Me: (turn to fiancΓ©) I dont know, do you want anything?

Her eyes have never rolled so fast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedneckHippie111
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2016
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This was me to everyone at work today

See ya later, have a great night and if I don't see you tomorrow, have a Good Friday!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/linktothenow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2014
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At school...

Social studies teacher is telling us about the types of government. She gets to autocracies and absolute monarchies, etc.

"So let's say I'm the king, (or rather the queen), and I say that everyone needs to eat cheeseburgers for breakfast lunch and dinner. And since I'm the queen, and I said so, you have to do it!"

This one guy on the other side of the room pipes up - "So does that mean you're the burger king?"

Urghhh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scratchisthebest
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2014
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I was at my local burger joint waiting for an order...

... when a girl walked up and asked for a cheeseburger. She paid with $8 cash as she said, "Sorry it's wrinkled." "That's OK," said the cashier, "It won't be once I launder it."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArrexB
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2014
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Watching the Royals / Blue Jays

Me: that pitcher just threw a cheeseburger at the catcher.

Son: what?

Me: yeah, it was a 100 mph slider.

My sons all laugh and the wife rolls her eyes. I'll take it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reddof
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2015
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When ordering at a restaurant, my dad likes to ask , "Do you have frog legs?"

If they reply with "yes," he responds "Well, hop back there and get me a cheeseburger."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bookworm0901
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2015
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Dadjoked a friend of mine at dinner tonight.

Me: (Giving him shit about going out to a fancy restaurant only to order a cheeseburger.)

Him: "I guess I don't have any class do I?"

Me: "Not at all. That cheddar is quite cultured."

Everybody facepalms

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boostWillis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2014
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