I bought this book but had to return it for all the fowl language
I bought my friend an Elephant for her room...
She said "thanks". I said "don't mention it"
I bought a new pair of gloves today...
...but they're both "lefts". Which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
I bought my wife one of them new wireless mouse chargers.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer
I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
My neighbor asked why i bought a new lawn mower...
..Told him that my old one just wasnting cutting it.
(Neighbor approved)
I bought a puppy from a blacksmith earlier
Right away when we got home he made a bolt for the door.
I bought a covid face mask covered with random musical symbols...
I bought my wife a pug dog yesterday...
Despite the bulging eyes, horrible nose, weird ears and all round ugliness, the dog seems to like her.
My wife and I bought a water bed recently but ever since then...
A sweater I bought was picking up so much static electricity that I had to return it to the store.
They have me another one, free of charge.
My kids bought me a crowbar for my birthday
I love it. It’s my prise possession.
Told the wife the hair product she bought was fake sh*t. She asked how I knew.
I told her it's literally in the name. Shampoo.
I just bought a new blindfold
But I can't see myself wearing it
My friend bought a new door bell the other day, I asked what’s it called.
My grandmother bought some curved yellow fruit and a French pineapple.
Now nana has a banana and an ananas.
I bought a rope made out of dog hair but took it back
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It’s an extremely rare dish order.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes???
It doesn’t make any scents
My mom bought nasty sparkling water drinks. My brother said it tasted like devil incarnate.
I said it tasted like devil carbonate :D
I've just bought a bottle of head lice treatment but there's no instructions on how to use it.
It's left me scratching my head to be honest.
I went shopping today and bought a mirror.
I could see myself using it.
The first time I bought a universal remote control...
...I thought to myself "This changes everything."
My wife bought all these dog toys, but Scooter here isn’t quite sure what he’s supposed to do.
I’ve been wanting to go ice skating for a while. My friends bought me a pair of skates recently, but they broke on the first use!
If you ask me, they’re cheapskates.
I bought a piñata for my son’s birthday
I bought my son a Bass.
But Dad, I wanted a Ukulele.
Ah well, your Ukulele just passed puberty.
I bought 20 guillotines because there was a great deal
I don’t know why I thought it’d be a good idea. I lost my head when buying them
I bought a fancy new toaster...
Despite all the new features, I was pretty shocked to find out it wasn’t waterproof.
I went to the record store and bought a new album. It was awful...
I tried to get a refund. But I couldn't get my NickleBack.
I am so out-of-shape! I just bought some running shoes
And I can't even keep up with them.
I bought my wife and I a set of bargain brand walkie talkies.
She didn't receive it very well
I bought a murder mystery jigsaw.
I'm still trying to piece it together.
I bought some minnows to go fishing, but they gave me earthworms...
it was the old bait and switch.
Congratulate us - my wife and I just bought our first pair of recliners!
My bed used to be on the floor but I recently bought a bed frame
I can honestly say the quality of my sleep is slightly above where it used to be
Just bought a diamond ring for the Wife from a green Leprechaun. I dunno...
...Think I was sold a sham rock.
Paddy bought 2 goldfish
His mate Mick visited him.
Mick: "I see you have 2 new goldfish, what do you call them Paddy?"
Paddy: "I named them ONE and TWO"
Mick: "Those are strange names, why did you call them that??"
Paddy: "Well Mick, if ONE dies, I've still got TWO!"
I bought these textured gloves earlier but got a tiny bit of blue paint on them
Guess you could say I’m feeling a little blue
I bought a watch second hand today.
If I keep saving I'll be able to buy some other pieces too.
I just bought a fridge...
I bought a sweet potato and named it after myself.
I bought 10 asparagus at the store but when I got home I realized I had 11...
It was just a spare, I guess...
I bought a transparent boat, but it sank when I used it.
I just bought a Monopoly set which has no instructions,
I bought a car from Sweden once.
It was a real Saab story.
We just bought a painting by a farmer who only creates art of cows and horses.
His name is Oscar Moo-neigh.
I bought one of those early 2000s robot dogs but have nowhere to charge it
I need to find a pug socket
I bought a dozen medium eggs yesterday.
They keep telling me I have an eggs-cellent future ahead of me if I would just break out of my shell.
I bought a book about the dangers of deforestation.
The first page says, “You’re not helping!”
I bought some dead batteries
What did the farmer say to his fellow farmer when they bought another bird?
I bought some bird seed today
I wonder what kind of birds they will grow into.
When i was at a circus my mom bought me a clown shaped lollipop
How come the cowboy bought a dachshund?
Someone told him to get a long little doggy.
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas.
Can't wait to see his face light up,
when he opens it.
I bought the best ever seasoning for my mutton.
It’s the Greatest Of All Thyme
I recently bought a raincoat.
Whenever I put it on I get absolutely drenched.
I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday -
Not only is it terrible, it's terrible!
I just bought an AirBnB for horses.
I hope it brings me a stable income.
My wife told me we didn’t need the surround system for our living room I bought...
I told her it was a Sound Investment.
I just bought a bed that was advertised as making you fall asleep in under 5 minutes. It didn't work.
I didn’t pay attention to what herb I bought
Turns out it was a big dill. I’m allergic.
They say you are what you eat. So I bought some "ready to eat" grapes.
And now I'm ready to eat grapes
I bought some store brand spaghetti
It tasted awful, it was a total im-pasta.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos
When will they stop stereotyping
I bought a roll of over priced Velcro yesterday
I bought a pair of mittens today...
I bought a copy of MS Office, but I dropped it on the road going back to my car...
...well, that's the Word on the street.
After I bought my car I started feeling sick...
I guess you could say I got car-owner virus
I bought some heavy wool socks the other day.
I was planning on returning them, but then I got cold feet.
Just bought a thesaurus and got home to find out the pages are all blank!
I have no words to describe how angry I am...
I bought a collectors bottle of sake from a Japanese restaurant
I bought a discount bed sheet off of Facebook.
Turned out to be a sham...
I bought my wife a toolbox for her birthday
It had the element of supplies !
I bought a brand-new top-of-the-line string trimmer of a guy on craigslist for only $20
I bought a chicken to make sandwiches...
It doesn’t. It poops on my floor.
I bought a digital book on how to scam on-line.
Have not received it yet.
Came with the house my brother bought. The thing sticking out is his tuning fork
I bought a bag of bird seed and I'm SO disappointed...
Not a single bird grew after I planted it.
My Mom’s sister came down with Coronavirus so I bought her a new computer.
The warranty claimed it had free “aunty-virus” protection software.
When I was in the capital of South Korea, I bought new shoes pads...
I felt like a new man, walking about with my new inSeouls.
Bought some shoes from my drug dealer
I don't know what the hell he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day
Bought some shoes from a drug dealer
I don't know what they laced it with,but I've been trippin' all day
When I bought my friend an elephant for their room, they said thank you. I answered...
I bought a dog from my local blacksmith
When I got it home it made a bolt for the door
I bought myself some new shoes at the shop recently
But I don't know what they have been laced with as I have been tripping all day
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer
I don’t know what he laced em with, but I was trippin all day.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer today
I don’t know what he laced them with but I was tripping the whole day.
I bought a dog off a blacksmith
As soon as i brought him home he made a bolt for the door..
I bought a new blindfold
i can't see myself wearing it
Last week I bought a dog from the local blacksmith
As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer, not sure what he laced them with...
But I was trippin all day!
I bought shoes from a drug dealer
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day
The sweater I bought recently kept picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store
They gave me another one, free of charge
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
I bought my friend a brand new elephant for his room.
He said “Thanks”
I said “Don’t mention it”.
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