I asked my friend, Nick, if he had 5 cents I could borrow.

But he was Nicholas.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kickypie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 26 2020
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I asked Rick Astley to let me borrow his copy of the movie UP.

He said he'd never give it to me.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 08 2020
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When you borrow a chair

I borrowed my daughter's desk chair for about ten minutes earlier today. As I was bringing it back I said "They say when you borrow someone's car you should return it with a full tank of gas..." It took her about 3 seconds to reply "Nooooo! Did you fart in my chair?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 76
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Beirdo-Baggins
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 18 2020
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I crack bad jokes about having to borrow my parents old clothes because my job doesn't pay well...

What can I say? I've got my father's jeans.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cumdaddy01
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 28 2020
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If someone can borrow me some chromosomes,

I'm down.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/eliasgamer7032
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 22 2020
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What did Ryu tell Ken when he asked if he could borrow ten bucks?

"Shoryuken."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bricksnblasters
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 01 2020
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I asked my Indian neighbour if I could borrow some bread...

He said he had naan.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jaredwaywell
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 20 2020
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I could borrow the step-stool from my mom, OR i could go buy something taller.

I prefer the ladder.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 13 2020
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Chris: Hey can I borrow a ten?

Kristen: Sure!

Christen: thank you

Kris: Anytime

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Icy9kills
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 15 2019
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I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!

I didn’t want to toot my own horn.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 23 2020
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There are reports that, because of the covid outbreak, Rick Astley is hoarding copies of a 2009 Pixar film, and all albums by a southern metal band from New Orleans. He is not allowing anyone to borrow them. It's also said that Mr. Astley is refusing to go out and purchase cake for others.

To summarize:

He's never gonna give you Up

Never gonna lend you Down

Never gonna run around, and dessert you.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/this_time_i_mean_it
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2020
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If I were a trumpet player I would constantly borrow other people's trumpets.

I'd hate to toot my own horn.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 02 2018
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My son borrows money from me every week, so I told him, β€œI don’t think you understand the seriousness of your debt situation.”

He said, β€œOh please. You should really give me a bit more credit.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 19 2020
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Can I borrow your butt?

Mine has a hole in it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Wutisthis66204
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 06 2020
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So today I asked my wife if she knew of any krutches I could borrow for the upcoming office party.

Her: what are you supposed to be dressed up as?

Me: a walking dad joke.

Her: ...?

Me: I'd be kind of lame.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 189
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/StuntsMonkey
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 29 2019
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My friends never let me borrow money for arcade games at the roller rink

Cheap skates

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/druebird86
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09 2020
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We were at the library when my mate asked "Hey, could I borrow your book mark?"

I got mad and walked out. After 3 years of being college flatmates, he doesn't even know my name is Tom.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TeepenTeepen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09 2020
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If your girlfriend borrows your sweater forever

Did she jacket?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Cornelius_M
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 05 2020
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"Hey Son, thanks for letting me borrow your car. By the way I got some water in the carburator." "Where's my car?"

"In the River!..."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Dartis_X-UI
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 12 2020
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A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.

The poor man dyed a loan.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2019
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"What car do you have, Pierre? Can I borrow it?"

"Hon d'accord"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Memey-McMemeFace
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 03 2019
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I was out of herbs while cooking dinner, so I went to ask my neighbor if I could borrow some.

When she opened the door, I said, "Don't worry; I'll only take a little bit of your thyme."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 51
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HearAndThere4
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 05 2019
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I asked my daughter if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century" she said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad".

I can tell you this... That fly never knew what hit him...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FriedLime
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 19 2019
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My dad let me borrow his 2010 Saab and told me to make sure to fill it with Premium... imgur.com/IqjEFiP
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Zach_Elmore
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 22 2013
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I asked Rick Astley if I could borrow one of his favorite pixar movies,

He told me, "I'm never going to give you Up."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/One_Day_Dead
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 15 2019
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My friend Lara always borrows my hair brush without my permission.

She's a comb raider.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Wakanda4eva4eva
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 22 2018
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Rick Astley once called me to borrow all my Pixar DVDs..

I told him "You can have DVDs for Cars, Monsters Inc, Finding Nemo but I am never gonna give you UP!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 76
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/aabesh
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 12 2018
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Mom: I'm going to run down to my cousin's house. She needs to borrow the car.

Dad: If she needs the car, maybe you should drive there.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mikesanerd
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2015
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I asked my dad if I could borrow some money...

He handed me a penny and said, "It's the least I can do."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lod254
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 14 2018
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Hey, can I borrow a ten?

Dad: Sure, as long as it’s not my wife!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zmose
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 16 2019
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Yesterday my neighbor asked to borrow my copy of the movie β€œIt”. I proceeded to beat him up. My wife asked me why the hell I would beat him up.

I told her he was asking for It.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Cubic-Zirconia
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2019
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Wanted to measure my height with a tape measure but couldn't do it alone. "Dad, can I borrow you for a minute?"

"Sure, as long as you give me back"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tinie_Snipah
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 12 2014
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I wanted to borrow some money but I was aloan
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Polarase
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I asked my friend, Nick, if he had 5 cents I could borrow. But he was Nicholas.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kickypie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 26 2020
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Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Disney collection...

Except for the movie Up. He's never gonna give you Up.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 71
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why should you never ask Rick Astley to borrow his Pixar collection?

Because he’s never gonna give you β€œUp.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KingInTheNorth57
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except for one.

He’s never gonna give you Up.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tmarsee530
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
CHRIS: hey,can I borrow a ten?

KRISTEN: sure. CHRISTEN: thank you. KRIS: you're welcome.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Rick Astley will let you borrow any of his movies except for one...

He’s never gonna give you Up

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/StellarLime911
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one.

He's never gonna give you Up

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Typical_Blueberry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13 2020
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Rick astley will let you borrow any movie from is Pixar collection. Except one.

He's never gonna give you up

πŸ‘οΈŽ 36
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/P4743
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 22 2019
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Rick Astley will let you borrow most of his pixar movies,

But he's never gonna give you up.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/officialmrkiller
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
You can borrow just about any Disney/Pixar movie from Rick Astley... all but one:

He’s never gonna give you Up.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nCRedditor-21
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 09 2019
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I asked my dad if I could borrow some protein powder

He said there was no whey

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thewhiteshadow01
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except one...

...he's never gonna give you Up.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 27 2018
🚨︎ report

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