I asked my friend, Nick, if he had 5 cents I could borrow.

But he was Nicholas.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
When you borrow a chair

I borrowed my daughter's desk chair for about ten minutes earlier today. As I was bringing it back I said "They say when you borrow someone's car you should return it with a full tank of gas..." It took her about 3 seconds to reply "Nooooo! Did you fart in my chair?"

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beirdo-Baggins
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked Rick Astley to let me borrow his copy of the movie UP.

He said he'd never give it to me.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I crack bad jokes about having to borrow my parents old clothes because my job doesn't pay well...

What can I say? I've got my father's jeans.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cumdaddy01
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
If someone can borrow me some chromosomes,

I'm down.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eliasgamer7032
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Ryu tell Ken when he asked if he could borrow ten bucks?

"Shoryuken."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bricksnblasters
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my Indian neighbour if I could borrow some bread...

He said he had naan.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jaredwaywell
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Chris: Hey can I borrow a ten?

Kristen: Sure!

Christen: thank you

Kris: Anytime

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Icy9kills
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I could borrow the step-stool from my mom, OR i could go buy something taller.

I prefer the ladder.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!

I didn’t want to toot my own horn.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
If I were a trumpet player I would constantly borrow other people's trumpets.

I'd hate to toot my own horn.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
🚨︎ report
There are reports that, because of the covid outbreak, Rick Astley is hoarding copies of a 2009 Pixar film, and all albums by a southern metal band from New Orleans. He is not allowing anyone to borrow them. It's also said that Mr. Astley is refusing to go out and purchase cake for others.

To summarize:

He's never gonna give you Up

Never gonna lend you Down

Never gonna run around, and dessert you.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My son borrows money from me every week, so I told him, β€œI don’t think you understand the seriousness of your debt situation.”

He said, β€œOh please. You should really give me a bit more credit.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
So today I asked my wife if she knew of any krutches I could borrow for the upcoming office party.

Her: what are you supposed to be dressed up as?

Me: a walking dad joke.

Her: ...?

Me: I'd be kind of lame.

πŸ‘︎ 190
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StuntsMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Can I borrow your butt?

Mine has a hole in it.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wutisthis66204
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My friends never let me borrow money for arcade games at the roller rink

Cheap skates

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/druebird86
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
We were at the library when my mate asked "Hey, could I borrow your book mark?"

I got mad and walked out. After 3 years of being college flatmates, he doesn't even know my name is Tom.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TeepenTeepen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
If your girlfriend borrows your sweater forever

Did she jacket?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cornelius_M
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
"Hey Son, thanks for letting me borrow your car. By the way I got some water in the carburator." "Where's my car?"

"In the River!..."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dartis_X-UI
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.

The poor man dyed a loan.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I was out of herbs while cooking dinner, so I went to ask my neighbor if I could borrow some.

When she opened the door, I said, "Don't worry; I'll only take a little bit of your thyme."

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HearAndThere4
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
"What car do you have, Pierre? Can I borrow it?"

"Hon d'accord"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Memey-McMemeFace
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my daughter if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century" she said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad".

I can tell you this... That fly never knew what hit him...

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FriedLime
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad let me borrow his 2010 Saab and told me to make sure to fill it with Premium... imgur.com/IqjEFiP
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zach_Elmore
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2013
🚨︎ report
My friend Lara always borrows my hair brush without my permission.

She's a comb raider.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wakanda4eva4eva
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I asked Rick Astley if I could borrow one of his favorite pixar movies,

He told me, "I'm never going to give you Up."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/One_Day_Dead
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Rick Astley once called me to borrow all my Pixar DVDs..

I told him "You can have DVDs for Cars, Monsters Inc, Finding Nemo but I am never gonna give you UP!"

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aabesh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Mom: I'm going to run down to my cousin's house. She needs to borrow the car.

Dad: If she needs the car, maybe you should drive there.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mikesanerd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2015
🚨︎ report
I asked my dad if I could borrow some money...

He handed me a penny and said, "It's the least I can do."

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lod254
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Hey, can I borrow a ten?

Dad: Sure, as long as it’s not my wife!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zmose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Wanted to measure my height with a tape measure but couldn't do it alone. "Dad, can I borrow you for a minute?"

"Sure, as long as you give me back"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinie_Snipah
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2014
🚨︎ report
I wanted to borrow some money but I was aloan
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Polarase
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Yesterday my neighbor asked to borrow my copy of the movie β€œIt”. I proceeded to beat him up. My wife asked me why the hell I would beat him up.

I told her he was asking for It.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cubic-Zirconia
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my friend, Nick, if he had 5 cents I could borrow. But he was Nicholas.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Disney collection...

Except for the movie Up. He's never gonna give you Up.

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why should you never ask Rick Astley to borrow his Pixar collection?

Because he’s never gonna give you β€œUp.”

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KingInTheNorth57
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except for one.

He’s never gonna give you Up.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tmarsee530
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
CHRIS: hey,can I borrow a ten?

KRISTEN: sure. CHRISTEN: thank you. KRIS: you're welcome.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Rick Astley will let you borrow any of his movies except for one...

He’s never gonna give you Up

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StellarLime911
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one.

He's never gonna give you Up

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Typical_Blueberry
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Rick astley will let you borrow any movie from is Pixar collection. Except one.

He's never gonna give you up

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/P4743
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Rick Astley will let you borrow most of his pixar movies,

But he's never gonna give you up.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/officialmrkiller
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
You can borrow just about any Disney/Pixar movie from Rick Astley... all but one:

He’s never gonna give you Up.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nCRedditor-21
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my dad if I could borrow some protein powder

He said there was no whey

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thewhiteshadow01
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except one...

...he's never gonna give you Up.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
🚨︎ report
"Can I borrow your butt? Mine has a crack in it."
πŸ‘︎ 163
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Half-full-of-it
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2016
🚨︎ report

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