A guard’s boss didn’t bother congratulate him on his recent success and started to cry.

Seeing this, a robber sneaked past, and when the boss ended up being in the next room, the boss asked, β€œhow’d you get past security?” In response to this, the robber said β€œyou let your guard down.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarmaladeMellow
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
🚨︎ report
The only thing that bothers me about Almond Milk:

It’s nut milk.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
🚨︎ report
nah, dont bother. you wont get it, it's an inside joke.
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ouosvvav
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't bother doing a criminal background check on me.

I've never been caught.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Baa, coo, baa, coo. Why do i bother?
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
There's something about echos that bothers me

I'm not sure what it is, but it'll come back to me

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TormentedGaming
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
If you're looking for sense these days, don't bother.

There is a national coin shortage, after all.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevethepirate89
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't bother reading that "ultimate" workout blog. "You won't believe" their advice is just to walk 1,000 meters a day.

Saved you a klick.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't bother him he's reading.
πŸ‘︎ 242
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Holiday_Volume
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend asked me how the text-to-speech feature works on his phone, but I didn't bother explaining it to him.

It speaks for itself.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do they bother making so many "different" flavours of baby food when....

....they all just taste like airplane!?

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MixSaffron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My older bother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sexxc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't understand why people bother sharpening their pencils.

There's no point.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Don’t bother being cute, I’ll just ruin it
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BootyGarb
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A group of people went into a maze to find a centaur. As they entered one man told the group: β€œDon’t bother going to the middle”, They responded: β€œWhy?”, He replied: β€œThey don’t like to be the centaur of attention”.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trigger-Plays
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Don’t bother Ethin

He’s in the middle of something

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/____okay
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
The Wright bothers built the first airplane

Their approach was plane and simple

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
🚨︎ report
PRO TIP: The biggest myth about travel is "packing light" - don't bother! Light is available from the sun and artificial sources worldwide.
πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diok22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Why don't bears bother to wear shoes ?

Because they'd still have bear feet

( Canadian joke )

Credit:

https://twitter.com/johncleese/status/1131033587879432192?s=21

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AskSageNate
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does a skunk bother organizing his pantry?

He likes keeping everything in odor.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rinteln
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL: During the American Revolution, George III didn’t even bother to leave the couch.

He was sofa king comfortable.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Just saw a guy wearing a hat that says, β€œDon’t bother me!”

So I asked him how much it costs and whether or not it works.

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I want to tell you about my effort to unclog a toilet today, but I won’t bother you with that shit
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SandyHoey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do people bother fighting for seats in the Congress?

All they have to do is bring their own chair.

-organically sourced from my dad

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AthenaBird
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My european friend always beats me at chess, I wouldn't bother playing him...

...But he's my Czech mate.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Thinking that every one wants to bother me makes me par-annoy-a
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pungunner98
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Why Even Bother

The other day I was with my dad at the gym and he was getting on a treadmill while eating some cake (that he brought along) and he looked at me as if I was judging him and said, "What?.. I need some traction to run on the treadmill.."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
🚨︎ report
Ugh. My dad just told me a joke he is all proud of. It's terrible. Don't even bother with this one

"Did you hear my joke about the Indian chief's wives?"

The first wife lived in a hut made of deer hide, and bore him one son.

The second wife lived in a hut made of bear hide, and bore him one son.

The third wife lived in a hut of hippopotamus skin and bore him twin sons.

"Thus the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws of two hides!"

A fucking mad lib on the Pythagorean theorem. I'm pissed. He's so happy. Love you dad.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/McBurger
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2014
🚨︎ report
It bothers my ADD

I tell my students to stay in their seats during lessons because my ADD makes me lose focus mid-sentence if they get up.

They ask "Mr El_Guapazo, do you have ADD?"

"Yep, I also have subtraction, division, and multiplication."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/el_guapazo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2013
🚨︎ report
I bother my roommates with my normal dad joke

Him: Hey, what do you want to do for lunch/dinner/food?

Me: Eat it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brunnor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2013
🚨︎ report

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