One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
(Trust me it works when you say it out loud)
That's when I realised he was the favourite twin.
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it
That was when I realized he was her favorite twin, not me.
He got a Clue and a Life! He now owns a Monopoly of board games in his house!
Bruno Mars
One Direction's 'Story of My Life' came on the radio. My mother asked who sang this song, and was surprised to find out it was One Direction. My brother and I commented that it didn't really sound like their other songs, and my Dad chimes in, "So I guess they went another direction."
My brother turned 16 today, and for a party he invited 5 of his lady friends. One of them have him a set of Disney Princess bandaids. My wife and my brother are both big fans of the movie "Frozen"and my wife had something to say.
Brother: Look at these cool bandages! Wife: But they aren't Frozen bandages. Brother: Well I guess... Me: He can just put them in the freezer.
The entire party just rolled their eyes at me.
Dad: I'm a pretty good wrapper for a dad
*I nod*
Dad: I said a hip hop the hippie to the hippie to the hip hip hop and you don't stop to rock it
. . .
He wanted to make coffee, so I had him work the percolator. He wanted to make sure the lid locked properly.
Me: "Yeah just make sure that when you seal the lid, it doesn't pop because sometimes when it pops it falls off the counter.".
Bro: "What do you mean?"
Me: "Just make sure not to pop, lock, and drop it."
I told him it wasn't a minor day for him.
... and he wanted to see where the presents from us (Me and my parents) were. My dad looked at him, outstretched his arms, and said "Here you are. Bask in our presence."
Because it's March Forth!
"... Happy birthday, dear Menu"
points to "Jan 2014" printed on the base of the menu
"Happy birthday to you"
Saw this card in the store the other day and thought it'd be the perfect thing for him!
So we were having cake because it's my dads birthday and this is a conversation he had with my brother.
20 year old brother to dad: can you cut me another peice of cake?
Dad: you can do it yourself
Brother (jokingly): then what do I have you for?
Dad: so I have an audience winking at me
My parents planned to visit for dinner for my birthday. My university is about 45 minutes away from home. Mom and I chatted on the phone over the weekend, but tonight at dinner my mom again mentioned:
mom: "your brother had his friends stay overnight this weekend!"
me: "yes I heard."
dad: "wow, they were that loud?"
My brother's best friend isn't a dad yet, but he sure will be up there as a corny dad when he is... Years ago we went to Applebee's to celebrate my brother's 21st birthday. My brother's friend wasn't 21 yet. While they were standing at the bar, my brother orders a beer. Then his friend proceeds to do this:
Bartender- "What are you having?"
Brother's friend- "I'll have a beer....that'll be a root beer." ::winks at bartender and shoots his finger::
Bartender- ::SILENCE::
Celebrating my brother's birthday with a pizza party. Jokes were already starting about how much pizza I had eaten that night when my dad decided to change the subject and share a story about how he learned to speak Portuguese. Then I said, "I'm fluent in morepizzaplease."
*Last night, my brother was cutting up the cake said that "Happy Birthday Chris" across it. He cuts between the C & H in Chris and takes the C piece..."
Dad: "Hey! I was going to eat my name piece!"
Me: "Well... I guess its hris now!"
...No one laughed but my dad, but his hearty guffaw made up for it.
We were watching hockey over the weekend when my little brother noticed that one of the guys on the Caps (we're from the DC area) was using the same model stick that he had just gotten for his birthday.
"Hey that's my stick!" said Lil Bro excitedly.
And then my dad jumped in: "Well we better go get it back. That thing was expensive!"
I'm a triplet, and when my step-dad sends me and my brothers birthday cards, he writes in each one, "You're my favorite; don't tell your brothers."
My name is Paul and I cooked dinner for the family last night for my son's birthday. We were talking about the food and my brother-in-law (who is also a dad) turns to me and says "yes, it's cooked to paul-fection!"
Many groans were had.
my dad was telling me about my brother's new Sony Smartwatch when my mom said: "the problem is, Sarah (brother's girlfriend) bought him a beautiful expensive watch for his birthday, and guess which one he wants to wear? Not the one he should be wearing!"
Dad: He's double timing her
My dad woke my brother up this morning on his 18th birthday by saying, "Good morning, now you can get a job!" After retelling this story and making everybody at the dinner table laugh he said "Yup, I guess I'm just Mr. Dad jokes." To which my sister replied "Hi Mr. Dad jokes I'm your daughter."
It's dad's birthday & we're wrapping up a nice family dinner when my brother asks, "can someone call me a taxi please?"
Without conscious thought my dad instantly replied," you're 'a taxi please'."
It's my mother's birthday today.
Me: Hey Dad, I got cards for me and [brother] so you don't have to buy us any.
Dad: I got one for mom lol.
We're at her dad's birthday, and I was sitting in the living room with her, her dad, and two of his three brothers. We had just started eating (pizza and pasta) when my girlfriend's third uncle arrives. I had two slices on my plate, one pepperoni, and one garbage (olives, onions, meat, basically everything on it). Uncle #3 comes in, greets everyone, and says "How's the pizza tasting?" to which I replied
..."it's garbage."
I think she wants to be single but they all appreciated it.
We are about to go to lunch for my brothers birthday and as we are walking out the door I felt it. I just started my period.
Me: Wait Dad! Don't leave yet! I think I just started my period.
Dad: Well, it's time to raise the red flag boys.
He was just finishing eating some of his mom's leftover birthday cake and his dad asked, ”do you want some milk to wash that cake down?”
”sure”
Dad hand him a cup of milk which he promptly dumps onto his plate and starts scrubbing.
Another one: my brother had just finished unloading the dishwasher and his son starts clappingmand says, ”good job daddy, I'm so proud of you, you unloaded the dish washer all by yourself!”
My brother accused me of reading Calvin and Hobbes to him on the sly when he told his son it was bath time and he started licking himself and said, "I'll just lick myself, that's what tigers do."
Today is my brother's birthday.
Dad sent me a text this morning saying "Happy Birthday."
