Twin brothers just had a birthday

One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.

(Trust me it works when you say it out loud)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Different_Ad953
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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My dad asked me to hand out invitations for my brothers surprise birthday party...

That's when I realised he was the favourite twin.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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My dumb way of greeting my little brother on his 20th birthday imgur.com/2hliHeR
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pr0crasturbatin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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I bought my brother a refrigerator for his birthday

I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bransnow282
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
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When I was 10 my Mom told me to take my brother to a movie so she could set up for his surprise birthday party.

That was when I realized he was her favorite twin, not me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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The birthday card my brother got me
πŸ‘︎ 934
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πŸ‘€︎ u/geraghty62
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2017
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My brother received board games for his birthday!

He got a Clue and a Life! He now owns a Monopoly of board games in his house!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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[Told by my dad during his birthday larty] Who's Freddy Mercury's long lost brother?

Bruno Mars

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πŸ‘€︎ u/okamipiano
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
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My Dad, driving back from my brother's birthday dinner

One Direction's 'Story of My Life' came on the radio. My mother asked who sang this song, and was surprised to find out it was One Direction. My brother and I commented that it didn't really sound like their other songs, and my Dad chimes in, "So I guess they went another direction."

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ticklebiscuit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
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Dadjoked my brother for his birthday

My brother turned 16 today, and for a party he invited 5 of his lady friends. One of them have him a set of Disney Princess bandaids. My wife and my brother are both big fans of the movie "Frozen"and my wife had something to say.

Brother: Look at these cool bandages! Wife: But they aren't Frozen bandages. Brother: Well I guess... Me: He can just put them in the freezer.

The entire party just rolled their eyes at me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yoshi_XD
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2014
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Outside wrapping my brothers birthday presents with my dad

Dad: I'm a pretty good wrapper for a dad

*I nod*

Dad: I said a hip hop the hippie to the hippie to the hip hip hop and you don't stop to rock it

. . .

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gravitationalBS
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2015
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My brother showed up for my 30th birthday party today. I just had my first baby three weeks ago...

He wanted to make coffee, so I had him work the percolator. He wanted to make sure the lid locked properly.

Me: "Yeah just make sure that when you seal the lid, it doesn't pop because sometimes when it pops it falls off the counter.".

Bro: "What do you mean?"

Me: "Just make sure not to pop, lock, and drop it."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/actualsnow
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2014
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Dad joked my brother on his 18th birthday.

I told him it wasn't a minor day for him.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Monadion
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2015
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Today is my brother's birthday...

... and he wanted to see where the presents from us (Me and my parents) were. My dad looked at him, outstretched his arms, and said "Here you are. Bask in our presence."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarioLink1998
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2014
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Why is today a soldier's least favorite day?

Because it's March Forth!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iorgfeflkd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2014
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I was at a restaurant tonight with family, when my dad started singing: "Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you..." (it was no one's birthday - we all looked confused)

"... Happy birthday, dear Menu"

points to "Jan 2014" printed on the base of the menu

"Happy birthday to you"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danieljr1992
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2015
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Sending this card to my father, the master of all dad jokes!

Saw this card in the store the other day and thought it'd be the perfect thing for him!

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FalseDmitri
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2015
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Audience

So we were having cake because it's my dads birthday and this is a conversation he had with my brother.

20 year old brother to dad: can you cut me another peice of cake?

Dad: you can do it yourself

Brother (jokingly): then what do I have you for?

Dad: so I have an audience winking at me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TomaHawk21
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
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Away at college I miss Daddy's jokes

My parents planned to visit for dinner for my birthday. My university is about 45 minutes away from home. Mom and I chatted on the phone over the weekend, but tonight at dinner my mom again mentioned:

mom: "your brother had his friends stay overnight this weekend!"

me: "yes I heard."

dad: "wow, they were that loud?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/so_many_buttons
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2014
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Corny dad in training...

My brother's best friend isn't a dad yet, but he sure will be up there as a corny dad when he is... Years ago we went to Applebee's to celebrate my brother's 21st birthday. My brother's friend wasn't 21 yet. While they were standing at the bar, my brother orders a beer. Then his friend proceeds to do this:

Bartender- "What are you having?"

Brother's friend- "I'll have a beer....that'll be a root beer." ::winks at bartender and shoots his finger::

Bartender- ::SILENCE::

πŸ‘︎ 132
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πŸ‘€︎ u/becmurr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
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I've peaked. I'll never say something this perfect again.

Celebrating my brother's birthday with a pizza party. Jokes were already starting about how much pizza I had eaten that night when my dad decided to change the subject and share a story about how he learned to speak Portuguese. Then I said, "I'm fluent in morepizzaplease."

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πŸ“…︎ May 15 2017
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Dadjoked my dad on his birthday

*Last night, my brother was cutting up the cake said that "Happy Birthday Chris" across it. He cuts between the C & H in Chris and takes the C piece..."

Dad: "Hey! I was going to eat my name piece!"

Me: "Well... I guess its hris now!"

...No one laughed but my dad, but his hearty guffaw made up for it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darthjuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2014
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My dad got us during the hockey game.

We were watching hockey over the weekend when my little brother noticed that one of the guys on the Caps (we're from the DC area) was using the same model stick that he had just gotten for his birthday.

"Hey that's my stick!" said Lil Bro excitedly.

And then my dad jumped in: "Well we better go get it back. That thing was expensive!"

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2013
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He tells me this every birthday...

I'm a triplet, and when my step-dad sends me and my brothers birthday cards, he writes in each one, "You're my favorite; don't tell your brothers."

πŸ‘︎ 135
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πŸ‘€︎ u/matty_mcdee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2013
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Classic dad joke at dinner last night...

My name is Paul and I cooked dinner for the family last night for my son's birthday. We were talking about the food and my brother-in-law (who is also a dad) turns to me and says "yes, it's cooked to paul-fection!"

Many groans were had.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/magicmaestro
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2015
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double time

my dad was telling me about my brother's new Sony Smartwatch when my mom said: "the problem is, Sarah (brother's girlfriend) bought him a beautiful expensive watch for his birthday, and guess which one he wants to wear? Not the one he should be wearing!"
Dad: He's double timing her

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elizanonymous
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2014
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My sister's inverse dad joke

My dad woke my brother up this morning on his 18th birthday by saying, "Good morning, now you can get a job!" After retelling this story and making everybody at the dinner table laugh he said "Yup, I guess I'm just Mr. Dad jokes." To which my sister replied "Hi Mr. Dad jokes I'm your daughter."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shade_demon2141
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2014
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Visiting for dinner

It's dad's birthday & we're wrapping up a nice family dinner when my brother asks, "can someone call me a taxi please?"

Without conscious thought my dad instantly replied," you're 'a taxi please'."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrlavalava
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2015
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Subtle.

It's my mother's birthday today.

Me: Hey Dad, I got cards for me and [brother] so you don't have to buy us any.

Dad: I got one for mom lol.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/that-writer-kid
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2014
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Girlfriend didn't appreciate this one...

We're at her dad's birthday, and I was sitting in the living room with her, her dad, and two of his three brothers. We had just started eating (pizza and pasta) when my girlfriend's third uncle arrives. I had two slices on my plate, one pepperoni, and one garbage (olives, onions, meat, basically everything on it). Uncle #3 comes in, greets everyone, and says "How's the pizza tasting?" to which I replied

..."it's garbage."

I think she wants to be single but they all appreciated it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BearsChief
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2015
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Every time during the that time of the month.

We are about to go to lunch for my brothers birthday and as we are walking out the door I felt it. I just started my period.

Me: Wait Dad! Don't leave yet! I think I just started my period.

Dad: Well, it's time to raise the red flag boys.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lindsey_loo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2013
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Do nephew jokes count too? My brother has an (almost) 3 year old with a hilarious sense of humor.

He was just finishing eating some of his mom's leftover birthday cake and his dad asked, ”do you want some milk to wash that cake down?”

”sure”

Dad hand him a cup of milk which he promptly dumps onto his plate and starts scrubbing.

Another one: my brother had just finished unloading the dishwasher and his son starts clappingmand says, ”good job daddy, I'm so proud of you, you unloaded the dish washer all by yourself!”

My brother accused me of reading Calvin and Hobbes to him on the sly when he told his son it was bath time and he started licking himself and said, "I'll just lick myself, that's what tigers do."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/13EchoTango
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
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Today is my brother's birthday...

Today is my brother's birthday.

Dad sent me a text this morning saying "Happy Birthday."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaveIsLame2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
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