Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...
...an ether/oar situation...
What does Wonder Woman do before she goes to bed?
Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.
There needs to be a balance.
A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.
Why don't professional boxers have sex before a fight ?
Thy probably don't like each other.
I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.
It’s my jingle bell rock.
What did batman say to robin before they got into the bat mobile?
FIRST DATE: Her dad: "I want her home before midnight."
Me: "But you already own her home."
Dad: -turning to daughter- "If you don't sleep with him, I will."
Credit to u/psybermonkey15
Before the clock strikes midnight on december 31st be sure to lift your left leg
That way you will start off the new year on the right foot
How can you prove that the "I" before "E" except after "C" doesn't always apply ?
I have only two new years resolutions this year. One: get back to the weight I was before the accident.
Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'
Before crowbars were invented
^(most crows drank at home by themselves.)
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
At least he got laid before he died
Embarrassed by the Four Seasons fiasco, Giuliani makes a statement before Parliament.
To boldly go where no man has gone before
Pre- means before. Post- means after. To use both prefixes together,
I never tried using a gun ever before...
I'm planning to give it a shot, though.
Have you ever seen Mount Rushmore before it was carved?
Its beauty was unpresidented.
What does a runner eat before a marathon?
Here’s a little early access to a pun I made. I’m not sure if this joke has been said before but I hope not. I love making up puns
I normally knock on the fridge door before I open it...
Just in case there’s a salad dressing
Given that a case of the sniffles means staying home from school, we give my daughter a daily allergy medicine. My wife was giving her breakfast before school, and when I walked out, I asked if she’d had her medicine yet.
My daughter said yes, and I replied, “So you’re de-Claritin that you’ve had it already?”
What did Adam say the night before Christmas?
What do sprinters eat before a race?
I found a knife at the bottom of my ornament box (no idea why) so I picked it up and announced “‘twas the knife before Christmas!”
Dang it, Mt Rushmore was so beautiful before it was carved out...
Its natural beauty was honestly unpresidented
I got my chips before I put my money into the vending machine
I guess it's out of order.
He was sentenced to drinking spruce tea or leaving for 6 months because he was teaching the youth how to be passive-aggressive. His disciple Playdoh wrote half a screenplay about him before giving up and finding a real job.
Just cost me a $1 to put air in my tyre, when before it used to be free.
I guess, that's inflation.
A father hands a burger to his son before vanishing
Before he leaves, the father says, “It’s a bison burger”
I'm a teacher and every day I write a Dad Joke from this sub on the board. Today a student said this to me... I was about to go off... before I got the Dad Joke.
Student: "Sir, someone nutted on the floor!"
Me: *Begins to get angry* *Turns around... there's a hex nut on the floor*
Me: "Well played."
The new funeral home in town will not let me view my loved ones before their burial, sadly.
If you order a bust be made before you do anything important, let’s be honest.
You’re just getting a head of yourself.
Before I start, I need to see if this thing works.
"Everyone named Michael stand up."
Assorted people stand up
"And that concludes the mike check."
Not many people know what Mount Rushmore looked like before it was carved
Its beauty was unpresidented
I fell asleep before New Years
Then Woke up in another year
If you get hurt before you are 18, it’s just a minor injury.
My wife was making gravy for dinner, and she added some corn starch, but it got too thick. To thin it out she added some water, but then it was too thin again. It went back and forth a few times before I said...
Ahh. I get it. It’s a viscous cycle.
Make sure that your left leg is up before the clock hits midnight tomorrow.
That way you start 2021 on the right foot.
Before crowbars were invented...
...most crows drank at home by themselves.
You should always knock on the fridge door before opening it
Just in case there's a salad dressing
Before they invented crowbars
Most crows just drank at home
Before Mount Rushmore was cut in
It’s natural beauty was unpresidented
What do sprinters eat before a race?
What do sprinters eat before a race?
I always knock on the fridge before I open the door...
Just in case there is a salad dressing.
I'll see myself out....
Just before midnight tonight, I’ll lift up my left leg.
That way, I can start the new year on the right foot.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
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