It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
A Man in a hotel has trouble finding his room, goes down to the front desk and asks ' Excuse me, can you tell me what room I'm in please ? '
Certainly Sir, said the receptionist...this is the Lobby.
What did the baby say when he saw his food in front of him?
Purée!!!
(I literally just came up with this and am a new dad. Please be gentle)
I can't remember the name of this African river in front of me.
I must be going see Nile.
I was cold and hungry, so I put my feet in front of the heater
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, “Dad get out of the way!”
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
I am trying to figure out whether that fuel tanker in front of me is full or not.
Your gas is as good as mine.
I just had a new wash basin delivered to our house for our guest bathroom, but my wife decided that she hates the design so much she won't even let me bring it in off the porch. It has been sitting by our front door for a week, A ENTIRE WEEK.
I was left a package this morning. On the front in big red letters it said, "PLEASE DO NOT BEND"
I thought to myself, how the f**k am I supposed to pick it up?
Person in front of me ordering coffee asked "can I have a large house?"
And I said "not without a large mortgage"
I would get into trouble as a kid, if I swore in front of an adult.
Now as an adult, I get into trouble for swearing in front of a kid.
If Emily gets depantsed in front of her friends...
She’s em-bare-assed on 2 levels
There is a couple, that always waits in front of orphanages before they open.
They're better known as the early adopters.
Found a way to stop my dog from barking in the front garden....
I put it in the back garden.
Written on the side of a hearse in front of a hair salon...
Will Curl Up And Dye For You
A ‘divine’ healer in his ‘miracle’ ministry called, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed for, please come forward to the front."
With that, John got in line and when it was his turn the Pastor asked, " John, what do you want me to pray for you?"
John replied, "Pastor, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The Pastor put one finger of one hand on John's ear, placed his other hand on top of John's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the Pastor removed his hands, stood back and asked: "John, how is your hearing now?"
John answered, "I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the "Magistrate Court."
My neighbor spent all day laying sod in his front garden, then last night, someone stole it!
He’s outside now, looking forlorn…
Every morning, I wake up to find someone has dumped a box of play doh in front of my door.
I don’t know what to make of it.
My son has a teacher who never farts in front of the class
What do impostors do In front of therapists?
My neighbor planted dogwood trees in his front yard
I’m not a huge fan of the bark
[META] Dad jokes should be clean, not just groan-inducing. That's what makes it a Dad joke, we can tell it to the kids in front of Mom and not get in trouble (other than maybe for the punchline).
I needed to get some silverware for dinner and my wife was standing in front of the drawer. So I sang this to her:
🎶"Give me three forks,
Give me three forks sweetie,
Give me three forks from the drawer.
Give me three forks,
Give me three forks baby,
And I won't ask you for four." 🎵
A man who runs in front of a car gets tired,
a man who runs behind a car gets exhausted.
A chef is in his living room, and someone knocks on his front door...
...he yells, "the door's open! Cumin in!"
A wife came home and finds her husband sitting in front of a game of chess....
...with a raw egg propped up on the other side.
She asks: "What are you doing?"
He responds: "Well this pancake recipe says I need one beaten egg..."
"So... you decided to play it in a chess game?"
"Well yeah, but the darn egg keeps winning!"
What do you call a guy with one arm and one leg, who sits in front of your door?
A magician stood in front of a crowd and claimed that he could disappear. He counted, “Uno..dos..” and was suddenly gone.
He disappeared without a tres.
Cutting in front of a Volkswagen on the highway
Every time I travel to a new city, I like to take a picture of myself in front of the tomes of books...
I just have to take shelfies!
Friday was roasting saturday and sunday brutally yet they never occurred a word. Wednesday, being a harmonist, asked them why they stayed mum for which they replied, "because we are weakened in front of you guys".
At the grocery store the other day, the bagger asked the woman in front of me, "Paper or plastic?" She responded, "It makes no difference to me. You choose." The bagger explained that he isn't allowed to, and that she had to choose. This upset her quite a bit, which was confusing to me.
I thought it was common knowledge that baggers can't be choosers.
What do you call a person that takes a nap in front of a car?
“From a neighbor who posts dad jokes on little signs in his front yard. Started during the isolation to cheer up the community”
“COVID19 DAY20
Ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I’ll let you know”
A mafia boss hired a hitman to take down a few pines in his front yard
The hitman asked: 'what do you want me to do after the job is done?'
The mafia boss replied: 'I want you to go bury tree bodies.'
I kept wondering why the ball was floating in front of me
I'd rather have a full bottle in front o' me...
Than a full frontal labotomy
My son was sitting in front of a fan on a hot day...
I said "whatever blows your hair back"
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
If you run in front of a car
You will get tired. And if you run behind a car, you will get exhausted
Don't Stand in front of a running car!
You'll get Tired!
Don't stand behind them either!
You'll get exhausted!
If you run in front of a car...
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