A Man in a hotel has trouble finding his room, goes down to the front desk and asks ' Excuse me, can you tell me what room I'm in please ? '
Certainly Sir, said the receptionist...this is the Lobby.
A man walks into an open casket funeral and approaches the widow at the front. He asks: "Mind if I say a word?". "No, go ahead" she replies.
"Bargain" the man says.
"Thanks" the woman replies. "That means a great deal."
Three men were onboard a ship playing dice on deck when the oldest man angrily jumped off the front of the boat. The younger man said..
You keeled my father. Prepare two die.
*I sent this to my brother and he replies: Was his name Inyougo?
^(What a freaking professional)
What did the baby say when he saw his food in front of him?
Purée!!!
(I literally just came up with this and am a new dad. Please be gentle)
"Honey, who might bee at the front door?"
My friend lost the front part of his foot. Now I don’t like him anymore.
I’m lack-toes intolerant.
I can't remember the name of this African river in front of me.
I must be going see Nile.
My roomba went out my front door and a pack of bears attacked it, an eagle carried it away to the ocean, and a shark finished it off.
I was at a hotel and asked the front desk to switch my pillow out with one filled with feathers...
I was part of a class and i total , we were 100 students. I walked up to the front of the class , and wrote :"balloons" on the white board. So...
The other 99 read balloons.
My Roomba accidentally went out the front door, and the neighborhood animals immediately started attacking it.
I was cold and hungry, so I put my feet in front of the heater
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, “Dad get out of the way!”
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
A guy brings his friend to see his new lake house. When they get there, they see a goose on the front steps.
The friend says "hey, is he yours?"
The guy replies "yep, kept him after I found him alone by the lake. He can't communicate with any of the other birds."
His friend looked confused. "Is he mute?"
"No. I think he speaks porch geese."
I just had a new wash basin delivered to our house for our guest bathroom, but my wife decided that she hates the design so much she won't even let me bring it in off the porch. It has been sitting by our front door for a week, A ENTIRE WEEK.
I was left a package this morning. On the front in big red letters it said, "PLEASE DO NOT BEND"
I thought to myself, how the f**k am I supposed to pick it up?
For the past few days, I wake up to see someone has dumped a bunch of LEGO blocks on my front porch.
I don’t know what to make of it.
People weren't happy with me for leaving the front door at work open overnight.
I walked into a chilly reception.
Found a way to stop my dog from barking in the front garden....
I put it in the back garden.
Written on the side of a hearse in front of a hair salon...
Will Curl Up And Dye For You
A ‘divine’ healer in his ‘miracle’ ministry called, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed for, please come forward to the front."
With that, John got in line and when it was his turn the Pastor asked, " John, what do you want me to pray for you?"
John replied, "Pastor, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The Pastor put one finger of one hand on John's ear, placed his other hand on top of John's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the Pastor removed his hands, stood back and asked: "John, how is your hearing now?"
John answered, "I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the "Magistrate Court."
My wife went into labor today, so I read the front page of /r/DadJokes to her as a distraction from the pain. Unfortunately, she didn’t laugh once, was clearly not amused and I have no idea why...
It must have been the delivery...
My son has a teacher who never farts in front of the class
[META] Dad jokes should be clean, not just groan-inducing. That's what makes it a Dad joke, we can tell it to the kids in front of Mom and not get in trouble (other than maybe for the punchline).
I came home to find out that one of my kids tore both the front and the back pages of our dictionary.
Things just went from bad to worse.
Why was singer waiting at the front door?
He didn't have the right key and didn't know when to come in
I am having a really bad day, somebody ripped the front and back pages out of my dictionary.
It just goes from Bad to Worse!
I think the front of my foot has gone dead-asleep.
Now they are a bunch of coma-toes.
I needed to get some silverware for dinner and my wife was standing in front of the drawer. So I sang this to her:
🎶"Give me three forks,
Give me three forks sweetie,
Give me three forks from the drawer.
Give me three forks,
Give me three forks baby,
And I won't ask you for four." 🎵
I went to my parents house for dinner and when I walked through the front door my mom asks,"Are you hungry?"
So I told Her,"No.I'm half German and half Irish."
My cell signal always drops when I work the front desk at work and I can't get calls.
Cutting in front of a Volkswagen on the highway
what did the vertebrae said when it stepped into the front door?
OK here we go. Soap this gets to the front page...
Every time I travel to a new city, I like to take a picture of myself in front of the tomes of books...
I just have to take shelfies!
While riding down the road today, a fish jumped out of a boat that was being towed, and smashed into the front of my car.
It wasn't all bad though, I love grilled fish.
A toilet, a urinal and a very drunk sink are all at the front of a club, fighting and arguing with the bouncer to allow them and their extremely intoxicated friend inside.
Repeatedly shouting “Let that sink in!”
At the grocery store the other day, the bagger asked the woman in front of me, "Paper or plastic?" She responded, "It makes no difference to me. You choose." The bagger explained that he isn't allowed to, and that she had to choose. This upset her quite a bit, which was confusing to me.
I thought it was common knowledge that baggers can't be choosers.
“From a neighbor who posts dad jokes on little signs in his front yard. Started during the isolation to cheer up the community”
“COVID19 DAY20
Ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I’ll let you know”
I kept wondering why the ball was floating in front of me
My Roomba accidentally went outside our front door, and the neighbourhood animals immediately started attacking it.
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