Math dad jokes always get me
š︎ 6k
š
︎ Jan 29 2023
I'd also like to thank my legs for always supporting me
š︎ 470
š
︎ Jan 25 2023
Eyelashes are supposed to prevent things from going into your eyes but whenever I have something in my eye it's always an eyelash
š︎ 5k
š
︎ Dec 20 2022
my husband's always giving me the cold shoulder
Wish he would choose a different cut of meat for once
š︎ 312
š
︎ Jan 13 2023
Always better to start things before it gets too Late.
š︎ 117
š
︎ Jan 31 2023
I've always been told in life to give everything 100%
I'm a bit scared for my blood donation this afternoon though.
š︎ 376
š
︎ Jan 21 2023
My wife was always getting upset with me because Iām directionally impaired.
So I packed up and I right.
š︎ 195
š
︎ Jan 22 2023
I always tell my wife that she must have been born at IKEA
...because she always says the Swedish things.
š︎ 342
š
︎ Jan 05 2023
My dad always liked to hide candy bars in his shirt.
Said it was smart to always have a few "TWIX" up your sleeve.
š︎ 52
š
︎ Jan 29 2023
As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there *isn't* something trying to kill you...
š︎ 96
š
︎ Jan 19 2023
At least I was always puncture-al.
š︎ 31
š
︎ Jan 18 2023
Always good to look on the son-y side of life.
š︎ 65
š
︎ Jan 26 2023
Why does a golfer always bring 2 pair of pants?
In case he gets a hole in one.
š︎ 52
š
︎ Jan 26 2023
A friend and I used to race snails and I always won. In desperation, he took the shells off all his snails. He thought it would make them faster.
But it only made them more sluggish.
š︎ 252
š
︎ Jan 15 2023
I always have trouble with Roman numerals until I get to 159
š︎ 94
š
︎ Jan 21 2023
Slasher films always seem to be so successful.
I'm amazed at how they make such a killing.
š︎ 32
š
︎ Jan 28 2023
What always starts with W and ends with T?
š︎ 420
š
︎ Nov 19 2022
Sundays are always a little sad
But the day before is a sadder day.
š︎ 19
š
︎ Jan 31 2023
How come Pavlov always had such lush, luxurious hair?
š︎ 175
š
︎ Jan 06 2023
Why is Indiana Jones always depressed?
š︎ 32
š
︎ Jan 28 2023
People say russian cars are always Stalin I say they're just Putin them in the wrong gear
š︎ 8
š
︎ Jan 27 2023
Why are snakes and fish always measured using the metric system?
Because they don't have feet
š︎ 37
š
︎ Jan 22 2023
What celebrity is always ready for cereal?
Reese with her spoon š¤£
š︎ 13
š
︎ Jan 31 2023
When I used to live on a Pacific island, Barry Gibb used to be my window cleaner and always scared the life out of me...
That Bee Gee with the squeegee really gave me the heebie jeebies in Fiji.
š︎ 24
š
︎ Jan 21 2023
Alexander Graham Bell is always given a huge amount of praise for inventing the first telephone
The credit should really go to whomever invented the SECOND telephone.
š︎ 33
š
︎ Jan 08 2023
I know it's a weird hill to die on but I've always been a critic of strange marks over letters in funny languages.
š︎ 23
š
︎ Jan 24 2023
There is always someone for you
š︎ 42
š
︎ Dec 23 2022
I have a good friend from Prague who always beats me at chess.
š︎ 21
š
︎ Jan 24 2023
I always knock and wait 30 seconds before opening the refrigerator door...
In case there is a salad dressing.
š︎ 51
š
︎ Jan 05 2023
What word is always spelled incorrectly?
š︎ 15
š
︎ Jan 20 2023
What did the youngest piggy in the family always get stuck wearing?
š︎ 26
š
︎ Jan 12 2023
Iām crying because my girlfriend left me and she always kept the house spotless
š︎ 11
š
︎ Jan 31 2023
My father passed away from blood loss, we didn't know his type. But I haven't let it get me down, because I'll always remember his dying words...
š︎ 72
š
︎ Jan 10 2023
Why did Depeche Mode always request Babybel in their dressing room while on tour?
So they could each have
Their own
Personal
Cheeses
š︎ 41
š
︎ Jan 16 2023
What kind of birds always stick together?
š︎ 51
š
︎ Jan 15 2023
I've always wanted to learn the staff..
But I could never stick with it
š︎ 8
š
︎ Jan 16 2023
I always say "1/2" instead of "one half"
Because fractions speak louder than words
š︎ 201
š
︎ Dec 05 2022
I've always wanted to be a comedian when I grow up.
But I was afraid and had this feeling that everybody would just laugh at me.
š︎ 16
š
︎ Jan 20 2023
What body part always loses?
š︎ 38
š
︎ Jan 07 2023
My wife keeps asking me why I always get pickles 50% off...
I told her it's great dill.
š︎ 9
š
︎ Jan 23 2023
What kind of doctor is always on call?
š︎ 216
š
︎ Nov 30 2022
I always say "muchos" to Spanish people.
š︎ 505
š
︎ Nov 15 2022
Why is Pride month always in June?
Because it comes before the Fall.
š︎ 46
š
︎ Dec 01 2022
Many authors have tried to replicate A.A. Milne's writing style, but they're always regarded as inferior to the original.
You can easily tell when it's a sham Pooh.
š︎ 8
š
︎ Jan 18 2023
"Hey, what's the name of that guy I always see at the Dry Cleaners?"
š︎ 2
š
︎ Jan 22 2023
As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there "isn't" something trying to kill you...
š︎ 10k
š
︎ Sep 20 2022
What always starts with w and ends with t?
š︎ 3k
š
︎ Sep 04 2022
what celebrity is always ready for a bowl of cereal
š︎ 32
š
︎ Jan 18 2023
You should always knock on the fridge before opening.
In case there's a salad dressing
š︎ 21
š
︎ Jan 10 2023
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