Maybe a repost, apologies in advance, but man this is surely a first class pun!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 58
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AmanMegha2909
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife has been cold to me lately, so I figured a hobby might make her more receptive to my advances. I figured why not stamp collecting? Well, I learned an important lesson...

Philately will get you nowhere

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I just thought of this today as I was driving... I’m sorry in advance πŸ˜‚ I saw this sign the other day, and it had rounded edges

It was kinda pointless...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BooperdDooper48
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been planning meals in advance a lot lately..

..and it has given me food forethought.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Without a heads up in advance.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Account_Priv
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Why were people in the middle ages so medival and when did people advance from being mid-evil to advanced-evil?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tflightz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Sorry in advance, dark mode users!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 42
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LogangYeddu
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said that I won’t advance in my career because I procrastinate too much.

I said, β€œOh yeah? Just you wait.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 08 2018
🚨︎ report
A new study is showing surprising advances in primate evolution: Dr. Thomas Ink, a researcher in southern Africa has found certain groups of apes 'brewing' alcohol by leaving old fruit to stand in water pools then drinking from it and becoming inebriated.

Dr. Ink has dubbed these 'Monkey Bars'.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pparten
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Just learned that "Schutzhund" is a German term for advance dog training.

"Albrecht, why did you schutzhund in the house?!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cam_tripp14
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I apologize in advance for this
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/arkamasylum
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 02 2018
🚨︎ report
[MEME] I’m sorry in advance
πŸ‘οΈŽ 120
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hawk2119
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I just read a patent application for a device that advances through a book while you read it.

It was a real page-turner.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mhwal
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you do when a drunk sheep is making unwanted advances on all the ladies at your local bar?

Notify the baa tender.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Finneagan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I was advised to post these here. I apologize in advance.

What did members of the Politburo wear to keep cool in the summer?

A: Lenin suits

What did the Soviet General Secretary say when he slipped and fell on ice in front of the Kremlin?

A: That'll leave a Marx!

What did the Commissar say to the workers on the collective farm when they slacked off?

A: Stop Stalin and get to work!

What did the Chinese President say when he stubbed his toe?

A: Mao! That hurts!

An officer in the Iranian army is talking to a subordinate.

The officer says, "Private, I think it's gonna rain."

The private says, "You think so, sir? The sky is completely clear and the sun is shining."

20 minutes later it starts to rain, a total deluge ensues.

The private says, "That was an amazing prediction, sir!. It did rain!"

The officer looks at the private, pats him on the shoulder and says, "Private, Ayatollah you so."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/crookedletter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
The Solar Panel goes home one night, rejecting his wife’s advances.

He says, β€œI’m sorry honey. I’ve just got no energy at night.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RedFoxyMoron
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 31 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call dinner that's been pulled out of the freezer a day in advance?

A well thawed out plan.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Hephsters
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 16 2017
🚨︎ report
I went to get my face casted a month in advance so I could be put on display in a wax museum.

I think I was getting ahead of myself.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/theamiabledude
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 13 2018
🚨︎ report
It's Ash Wednesday today. (Sorry i couldn't resist, and i live 1 day in advance due to timezone difference)

http://imgur.com/a/d9f8Y

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/squeeworm
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Advances in medical science has made vasectomies painless and easy

Compared to what the procedure used to consist of, there's a vas deferens.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Pi-Guy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 23 2015
🚨︎ report
My wife told me I won’t advance in my career because I procrastinate too much.

I said, β€œOh yeah? Just you wait.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife thinks I won’t advance in my career because I procrastinate too much.

I said, β€œJust you wait.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife thinks I won’t advance in my career because I procrastinate too much.

I told her, β€œJust you wait.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 47
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me I won’t advance in my career because I procrastinate too much.

I said, β€œOh yeah? Just you wait!”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.