Maybe a repost, apologies in advance, but man this is surely a first class pun!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmanMegha2909
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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My wife has been cold to me lately, so I figured a hobby might make her more receptive to my advances. I figured why not stamp collecting? Well, I learned an important lesson...

Philately will get you nowhere

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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I just thought of this today as I was driving... I’m sorry in advance πŸ˜‚ I saw this sign the other day, and it had rounded edges

It was kinda pointless...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BooperdDooper48
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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I've been planning meals in advance a lot lately..

..and it has given me food forethought.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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Without a heads up in advance.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Account_Priv
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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Why were people in the middle ages so medival and when did people advance from being mid-evil to advanced-evil?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tflightz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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Sorry in advance, dark mode users!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LogangYeddu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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My wife said that I won’t advance in my career because I procrastinate too much.

I said, β€œOh yeah? Just you wait.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
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A new study is showing surprising advances in primate evolution: Dr. Thomas Ink, a researcher in southern Africa has found certain groups of apes 'brewing' alcohol by leaving old fruit to stand in water pools then drinking from it and becoming inebriated.

Dr. Ink has dubbed these 'Monkey Bars'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pparten
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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Just learned that "Schutzhund" is a German term for advance dog training.

"Albrecht, why did you schutzhund in the house?!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cam_tripp14
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
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I apologize in advance for this
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arkamasylum
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
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[MEME] I’m sorry in advance
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hawk2119
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2018
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I just read a patent application for a device that advances through a book while you read it.

It was a real page-turner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mhwal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
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What do you do when a drunk sheep is making unwanted advances on all the ladies at your local bar?

Notify the baa tender.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Finneagan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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I was advised to post these here. I apologize in advance.

What did members of the Politburo wear to keep cool in the summer?

A: Lenin suits

What did the Soviet General Secretary say when he slipped and fell on ice in front of the Kremlin?

A: That'll leave a Marx!

What did the Commissar say to the workers on the collective farm when they slacked off?

A: Stop Stalin and get to work!

What did the Chinese President say when he stubbed his toe?

A: Mao! That hurts!

An officer in the Iranian army is talking to a subordinate.

The officer says, "Private, I think it's gonna rain."

The private says, "You think so, sir? The sky is completely clear and the sun is shining."

20 minutes later it starts to rain, a total deluge ensues.

The private says, "That was an amazing prediction, sir!. It did rain!"

The officer looks at the private, pats him on the shoulder and says, "Private, Ayatollah you so."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crookedletter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
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The Solar Panel goes home one night, rejecting his wife’s advances.

He says, β€œI’m sorry honey. I’ve just got no energy at night.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedFoxyMoron
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
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What do you call dinner that's been pulled out of the freezer a day in advance?

A well thawed out plan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hephsters
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2017
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I went to get my face casted a month in advance so I could be put on display in a wax museum.

I think I was getting ahead of myself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theamiabledude
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
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It's Ash Wednesday today. (Sorry i couldn't resist, and i live 1 day in advance due to timezone difference)

http://imgur.com/a/d9f8Y

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πŸ‘€︎ u/squeeworm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2017
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Advances in medical science has made vasectomies painless and easy

Compared to what the procedure used to consist of, there's a vas deferens.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pi-Guy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2015
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My wife told me I won’t advance in my career because I procrastinate too much.

I said, β€œOh yeah? Just you wait.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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My wife thinks I won’t advance in my career because I procrastinate too much.

I said, β€œJust you wait.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife thinks I won’t advance in my career because I procrastinate too much.

I told her, β€œJust you wait.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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My wife told me I won’t advance in my career because I procrastinate too much.

I said, β€œOh yeah? Just you wait!”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report

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