Beforehand Puns

Richard Prior

Exactly

I have to go to the doctor for tests later and it's required that i drink 5 million gallons of water beforehand.

Dad: "Have you been drinking?"

Me: "I've been trying, but it's pretty difficult without a valid ID."

At the GF's parents' place on the day, and we'd been drinking a bit beforehand.

All laying on the floor filling it out, when her dad pipes up with "THIS JUST ISN'T MAKING ANY CENSUS!"

edit: her

My parents were coming over for dinner, and about thirty beforehand I realize I am out of toilet paper.

So I texted my dad...

ME: Hey pops, can I borrow a roll of toilet paper? I forgot to grab some after work yesterday.

DAD: You can have have a roll. I don't really want it back.

I don't know how he does it.

I was at work rotating the organic pears we were selling at $1.49/lbs when a woman shopping in the arms of her blind husband. She made mention of wanting pears so I said cheerfully "We have Organic Bartlett Pears from Rainer Washington on sale for $1.49/lbs". Her face glowed with excitement as she thanked me. Her husband moved his head to my direction and said with the biggest shit eating grin "Thanks for letting us know. They weren't noticeable beforehand."

I groaned loudly as my boss laughed. "Did I just get dadjoked? I think I got dad joked." The blind man chuckled and said "Yes... Yes you did."