I made the decision to not date the girl with skin lesions on her face too hastily...

The decision was rash.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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What do you call hastily done noodles at the last minute?

Cramen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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What do you call a guy hastily trying to influence U.S. elections?

Rushin’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jordy_fresh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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What animal on the Savannah runs everywhere hastily, i.e. it doesn't walk?

The anti-lope.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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The man and the silver screw.

There once was this fella was born with a silver screw in his belly button. His parents, and later himself, searched far and wide trying to find someone that knew how this happened and how to remove it. As he grew older he cared less and less about the "how" and more about the removal. One day in his never-ending search he encountered a wizened woman who said that she knew of a place where you could go and a mysterious force would be able to remove the screw. But, before she provided the location she asked him if this was REALLY something he wanted done and if he knew all the consequences of his desire. The man hastily said that he was 10000% sure and more than well informed of the consequences. So, she gave him the location of the cave and the instructions on how to gain the help of the mysterious force. He was to go to the cave and sleep nude in the cave over night and by the morning his request would be fulfilled. He made his way to the spot with all due haste and followed the instructions to the letter. He did this and fell into a sound sleep. During the night a heavy fog rolled into the cave and a shining silver screwdriver floated into the cave with it. It floated down to the man and gently removed the screw. When the man woke up in the morning and saw the screw on the ground beside him he quickly reached down and felt his belly button. The screw was gone! He sprung up with great joy but the minute he landed after his leap of joy his butt fell off. He froze in horror and started to scream "Why did my butt fall off?" over and over.

The moral of the story is "Don't mess with things you don't understand or you will lose your butt."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jj8o8
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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A pony walks into a tavern...

He walks over to the bar and sits down with a heavy sigh.

Bartender: "Hey buddy, why the long fa-"

Pony: "Cut the shit. We've all heard that one. Glass of scotch. Warm. No ice."

The bartender hastily complies and the pony promptly downs it in a single shot.

Pony: "Ahhh I needed that."

Bartender: "Imagine so. You look like you've had a long day."

Pony: "Nah. I'm just a little hoarse."

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
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Overheard on the NYC subway

This was maybe two weeks ago. I'm riding the subway to work when this young girl, maybe 6 or 7, looks up at her dad and says, β€œDaddy, what time is?”

She then hastily and very seriously adds, β€œAnd don't say β€˜Party time’!”

It was all I could do to not laugh out loud. Nice job, dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Deus_Lo_Vult-
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2018
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Grandfather

So I was talking to my bobpa (grandfather in my family) as a kid and I said "if I'm good, will you give me a quarter" My grandfather hastily replied "that's exortion! When I was your age, I was good for nothing "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobDaLob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2017
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We were in the Baltimore Aquarium.

There is a room dedicated to sea anemones, a big space with low light coming from these glass tanks full of beautiful, fragile creatures. My son and I stood admiring them for a moment, and I commented, "Well, at least they'll never be lonely here."

"Why is that, Dad?"

"With anemones like these, who needs friends?"

A loud universal groan went up and I hastily retreated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oldforger
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2015
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Dad joked my math class

My math teacher was explaining why there were mistakes on an answer key for our test review. He told us that the teacher that made it did so hastily.

I responded with "who knew teacher name was a Russian"

Groans all around.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twerkswithwolves
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2014
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