I am finally ready to accept applications for my deer cloning business...

It's for anyone looking to make a quick buck.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shercroft
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Just been to a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies !!!!

Is that a trick question.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley

He was in Denali.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumbwaeguk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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I could never accept a two-year sentence. I just don’t have that much to say.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/equiinferno
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of nuts only accept credit card payments?

Cashews

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/soloazn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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We accept an argument as a form of payment, here....

At the Whine and Dine.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ipoopedapickleout
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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If you move to a Polynesian country and wonder if the natives will accept you, just know there will be

Samoans

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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Why didn’t the man book an appointment with the doctor who said she only accepts patients with personal gifts?

He was asimptomatic.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sinnoh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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What country does not accept cash or credit cards ?

The Czech Republic

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Please accept my Heart Felt thanks.
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrShaunce
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you accept random Facebook requests?

Asking for a friend.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you accept the cookies?
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sonujohny
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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I tried to get my wife to accept my apology after saying her skin was like leather

But she's not suede

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cinema_King
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend just couldn’t accept my obsession with horoscopes

In the end it Taurus apart

πŸ‘︎ 175
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lewwap
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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People who died penny less didn't accept change
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainCarterX1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
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Why did the fish accept its death after losing its respiratory organs?

Because it lost the gill to live.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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PSA Don't accept friend requests from Hormel.

Could be spam.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeltaGolfDelta
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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Im gonna start making batting cage business that only accepts pennies, dimes,quarters, half dollars, and dollar coins

Gonna call it Nickel-less Cage

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boxymcboxbox
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Nothing runs a pun like bad spelling, accept poor grammar's.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neversaiddie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
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What country has the leaders that are slowest to accept change?

Egypt. They’re in denial.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Epiphany81964
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Farmers Only needs to accept this name change immediately.
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MonkeyPunchBaby
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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He accepts credit cards.
πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Got my father-in-law. Now he accepts that I'm ready to be a dad.

My mother-in-law and father-in-law are named Mary and Jeff. As we left their house last night on Christmas Eve, I hugged my mother-in-law and said "Merry Christmas", then hugged my father-in-law and said "Jeff Christmas".

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyNamesNotTaylor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2014
🚨︎ report
What vampire does everyone accept, but basically ignore?

DracEULA.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chivalrybean
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2015
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Girlfriend accepts that I'm always right and we were talking about future kids

Me: "I dunno how I'll feel about it"

Her: "Whatcha mean?"

Me: "I'm not sure how I'll feel about kids who will only be half right"

Her: "..."

Me: "But it's okay I guess because they'll be half left too"

Her: "Oh my goodness"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aztechunter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2015
🚨︎ report
Don't accept shampoo...

Demand real poo...

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I don't get why the sperm bank won't accept my trousers...

...they took my friend's jeans. Why not mine?

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drondol
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
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Why can't flat earthers accept the gravity of the situation.

Because they sphere the world isn't flat after all

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haas-ta
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad wanted to pay by check at a place that didn't accept checks.

He told the employee, "I'll be paying with check"

Employee: "sir, we don't accept check"

Dad: "no, I'm paying in check"

Employee: "sir, we don't accept..."

Dad: "check... Card. My debit card says check card on it"

No one laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/finchrat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the royal family accept candy from Donald Trump?

Because it wasn't king-size.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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[OC] 1 out of 3 homeowners won't accept a free kitchen remodel.

Let that sink in.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HusbandAndWifi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
The other day someone just would not shut up about how I need to accept the giant robot masters into my heart.

Damn right-wing Evangelionists.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gunter_Penguin
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
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Why didn't the guy accept the mummy's business proposition?

He thought it could be a pyramid scheme!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rageengineer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2013
🚨︎ report
I'm opening up a junkyard that only accepts Kias...

For $2000, I'll teach you how to work the demolition equipment and we'll destroy a car.

It'll be a Soul crushing experience.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/captkrisma
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the cashier say when I was upset that the store didn't accept my checks as payment?

"Nothing personal."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrayingMantis
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2017
🚨︎ report
How did the sperm convince the egg to accept him?

Come on baby, sex cells.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/D4ND4
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2014
🚨︎ report
Whatever you do, don't accept friend requests from Lizzie Borden

You will get hacked

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/debonair-yeti
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2017
🚨︎ report
do not accept a Facebook friend request from...

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. If you do, his name will become your name, too.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2017
🚨︎ report
A store that I was shopping at wouldn't accept my check.

"Nothing personal" they said.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaoszombie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
🚨︎ report
MIT's Computer Science PhD application only accepts text files. That's really ASCII a lot, in my opinion.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/markjamesyork
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2016
🚨︎ report
Mum: Do you think Starbucks will still accept this old coffee coupon?

Dad: It's worth a shot.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rholding
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2016
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They didn't accept checks

My dad sees a sign at a restaurant that says they won't accept checks.

"Oh, good thing we're Slovak."

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bread-Dog
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2013
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Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?

(got this from my dad, in a chain email no less.)

Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas , but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.

Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.

The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

This is done by the chip monks!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2014
🚨︎ report
Don't accept shampoo...

Demand real poo!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2017
🚨︎ report

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