70 Puns

A list of puns related to "70"

What do you call a 70 year old Mexican?

A señor citizen

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👤︎ u/qd0_0bp
📅︎ Feb 09 2021
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Why was 69 afraid of 70?

Because they had a fight and 71.

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👤︎ u/NutDealer
📅︎ Jun 05 2020
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From my 70 year old dad: I hung up a map of the US in the kitchen and gave my wife a dart. I told her we would go on a two week vacation wherever she stuck the dart.

Looks like we’ll be spending two weeks behind the fridge.

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👤︎ u/pippingigi
📅︎ Dec 13 2020
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Unemployed Pilot (Dad still killing it at 70)

My dad just sent me this (couldn't help but groan, even as a dad myself):

I had a fella in painting and decorating the house for the last three days, I got chatting to him and it turns out he is actually a Ryanair pilot on PUP (Pandemic Unemployment Payment - social welfare in Ireland for those affected by Covid), he is decorating now to try and pay his mortgage, sad times but in fairness he did a great job on the landing😬👍

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👤︎ u/Garbarrage
📅︎ Jan 21 2021
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10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, and 90 walked into a bar

They were in tens.

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👤︎ u/callmefinny
📅︎ Nov 22 2020
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I got fired from my job this week, which is ridiculous when I'm putting in 70+ hours..

every single year

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👤︎ u/TommehBoi
📅︎ May 12 2020
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Broadway has a new show that combines magic with the tunes of a 70’s Swedish Pop Band

It’s called ABBA-Cadabra.

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👤︎ u/DinglebarryHandpump
📅︎ Jun 05 2020
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When I was 2 my sister was half my age, I’m now 70, how old is my sister?
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👤︎ u/starwars-kid
📅︎ Aug 11 2019
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Mathematically speaking biotech is almost 70% bitch
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👤︎ u/tidduu
📅︎ Jul 26 2019
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There are 70 ways to be happy 1 is coffee and the rest is

69

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👤︎ u/Kakashi_hatake_2903
📅︎ Feb 24 2020
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How did dancers in the 70s stay on their feet at a disco?

With the grooves in their sole!

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👤︎ u/spontaneous_spatula
📅︎ Dec 21 2019
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Text exchange with my 70-yo father. He’s still got it.

Me: Heads up, you have a package arriving today with your name on it. You have permission to open it today 😉🎄

Him: Ok. Is the tree a hint or just a christmassy thing? I don’t need a tree🌲

Me: Just a christmassy thing. We didn’t send you a tree.

Him: Great. I wouldn’t want to accuse you of tree, son 🤓

Me: Oooof

Him: I was trying to branch out into political humor but it didn’t take root so I guess I’ll leaf it there

Me: You don’t know when to quit, do you?

Him: I wooden know about that

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👤︎ u/idkflycasual
📅︎ Jan 17 2019
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My dad is an old hippie, this was his thoughts on the 70s

"I used to do drugs in the 70s, now I don't care what the temperature is"

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👤︎ u/breakyourfac
📅︎ Sep 05 2016
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Do you think 70's dance moves will ever come back into style?

Well...I know The Sprinkler will always come back around.

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👤︎ u/thegoodsock
📅︎ Dec 17 2018
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70% of people play with themselves in the shower do you know what the other 30% do?

I didnt think so...

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👤︎ u/Hco81
📅︎ Feb 22 2019
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Found in my neighbour's shop, in his late 70s and still punning strong
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👤︎ u/RaitonAndShard
📅︎ Aug 30 2018
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Did you hear about the fight between 70 and 72?

71

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👤︎ u/20Thatwiteguy02
📅︎ May 21 2019
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All the 70s solo female artists seem extremely vain to me.

They are a bunch of pre Madonnas.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Sep 04 2019
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Why can’t prostitutes count to 70

Because 69 is a mouthful.

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👤︎ u/gdubluu
📅︎ Apr 06 2019
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When my grandpa turned 70, he promised he would walk a mile every day for the rest of his life

It's been three years since then, and I have no idea where he is

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👤︎ u/crowningwalrus
📅︎ Dec 07 2018
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What did the 70s rock singer say when his son asked whether their suitcase was a carry on or a checked bag?

Carry on, my wayward son

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👤︎ u/localwheatdealer
📅︎ Apr 02 2019
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I went to my dentist the other day and he told me I had 70’s teeth.

Dentist: “They’re groOoOoOvy”

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👤︎ u/ShayShayRian
📅︎ Jan 25 2019
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What did the 70 year old fungus say?

I mold.

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👤︎ u/Pizzaface97
📅︎ Sep 20 2018
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Did you hear what happened to Brendan Urie at the 70s bar?

I'm told it was a Panic at the Disco.

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👤︎ u/theunholymaster
📅︎ Sep 04 2018
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I spent my night yesterday rediscovering a British ska band from the 70s

It was madness

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👤︎ u/grimApocalypse
📅︎ May 11 2018
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What kind of produce really enjoys 70’s pop music?

An ABBA-cado

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👤︎ u/kcl086
📅︎ Jul 25 2018
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My 70 year old Dad, is SO proud of his "bird house" (r/woodworking crosspost)

I was told /r/dadjokes would like this.

My dad says it's the biggest birdhouse in the world. http://imgur.com/lzKJ3w4

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👤︎ u/clineco
📅︎ Apr 09 2014
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"You've got more boogies than the 70s."

Said my husband to our daughter today.

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👤︎ u/AngrySmart
📅︎ Jul 09 2017
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70 years old and he's still got it

Decided to join my parents for dinner when my mother tells me she found my debit card in the washing machine. My dad says "you better watch out, you might get a call from the bank for money laundering"

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👤︎ u/mathmistress
📅︎ May 13 2015
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How do you turn a duck into a 70's soul singer?

Stick him in the microwave 'til its Bill Withers.

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👤︎ u/boobamajugs
📅︎ Oct 17 2014
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Why is 69 afraid of 70?

Cause they had a fight and 71

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👤︎ u/Draelix
📅︎ Aug 15 2020
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69 fought 70

71

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👤︎ u/10thousandsuntans
📅︎ May 17 2020
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why is 69 afraid of 70?

because they had a fight and 71

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👤︎ u/imprisonedbread
📅︎ Jul 30 2019
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Why is 69 afraid of 70

Because they had a fight and 71

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👤︎ u/LucasM__
📅︎ Jul 26 2019
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69 is afraid of 70. Because when they had a fight once, 71.

No sexual jokes.

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👤︎ u/Mighty__Tor
📅︎ Nov 03 2019
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Why is 69 afraid of 70?

Because they had a fight and 71

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👤︎ u/Tim7345
📅︎ Jul 27 2019
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I find most 70s solo female artists extremely vain.

They are a bunch of pre madonnas.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Jun 17 2018
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I dislike most 70’s female solo artists because they appear vain.

They are a bunch of pre Madonnas.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Apr 24 2018
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