π︎ 19
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︎ Jul 29 2013
My Mother-in-law is 80% Irish
π︎ 69
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︎ Jun 04 2021
Since the vaccines are kept at -80 celsius they inject them through...
π︎ 3
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︎ Jun 02 2021
What did Blackbeard say when he turned 80?
π︎ 34
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︎ Apr 23 2021
Back in the 70s and 80s, Iβd often dress up nicely, go out and order dinner for one, see movies alone, take long solitary walks...
Wow, Iβm really dating myself.
π︎ 22
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︎ May 22 2021
Spencer Silver, an Inventor of Post-it Notes, is Dead at 80
I wonder where they'll stick him
π︎ 2
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︎ May 15 2021
I just saw a 90-year-old guy fight an 80-year-old guy.
π︎ 5
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︎ May 07 2021
What is a chefβs favorite 80s movie?
π︎ 6
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︎ Apr 18 2021
2000βs kids are generation Z and 80βs-90βs kids are generation Y, if we keep going back we get to generation U.
If you have wine from that time is it genuine?
π︎ 2
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︎ Apr 08 2021
Why were people so interested in plumbing during the 80s?
Because it was totally tubular
π︎ 12
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︎ Mar 06 2021
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
π︎ 61
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︎ Dec 16 2020
*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...
He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:
-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!
Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.
-Ok, so... your current name is.. Β·chucklesΒ· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...
-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.
After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.
-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?
-Charles Fart.
π︎ 8k
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︎ May 06 2020
When I went to university in the early 80's I decided to do my thesis on procrastination.
I guess I should really get around to starting it.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 31 2021
Did you know that an ATM has 80 Million in it?
That's why it's called 80M.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
Recent studies have shown that roughly 80% of goth girls in our country's high schools enjoy reading parenting magazines.
Strangely enough, they mostly only read the daddy issues.
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 10 2021
Did you hear about the 80s singer who was utterly unyielding in attitude or opinion in spite of all appeals?
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 20 2021
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 09 2020
I was in an 80's band called the prevention
We were better than the cure.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Nov 25 2020
When Shaquille OβNeal gives you a birthday card, he always signs it with a reference to his favorite 80βs song.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, and 90 walked into a bar
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 22 2020
I lost 80 pounds.
Now I wonβt be able to pay for that new toaster I wanted.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 05 2020
Cop to me: I clocked your friend at over 80 MPH
Me to cop: You're lying! Nobody can punch that fast
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 15 2020
What do you call your mother's 80-year-old sister who is afraid of everything?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
My wife says I've been listening to a lot of 80s rock recently
π︎ 9
π
︎ Aug 31 2020
Are French speaking people celebrating 420 as well? Or do they just call it 80?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Apr 20 2020
In a recent poll, 80% of people in America said they would not open their homes to a sentient water basin that walked up to their door and asked for shelterβ¦
π︎ 104
π
︎ Apr 12 2020
I was in a punk band in the '80s called 'Missing Cat'
You might remember our flyers
π︎ 34
π
︎ Jun 22 2020
Where should you look up 80s white guy rappers?
π︎ 18
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︎ Aug 22 2020
I pulled over a truck going 80 miles an hour in a 55 zone. He had a cargo of axe-like tools used for shaping large pieces of wood.
π︎ 6
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︎ Aug 25 2020
Doctor: Your brain seems to have deleted all information about 80s music!
Me: Yikes! What is The Cure?
Doctor: Oh my God. It is worse than I thought!
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Jun 19 2018
Did you know that worm population has doubled in the past 80 years to due to the rising temperatures?
Yeah, they're calling it global worming.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jun 04 2020
"My ex couldn't name a single metal band from the 80s."
"Slayer?"
"No, I just shook my head."
π︎ 6
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︎ Jul 01 2020
People think just because I grew up in the ghetto back in the 80s, I should walk around carrying a big old boom box on my shoulder.
But I refuse to go with that stereotype.
π︎ 16
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︎ May 21 2020
I spent $80 on a belt that didn't fit
My wife said it was a huge waist
π︎ 98
π
︎ Dec 13 2019
I tried introducing young people to 80s music especially hall and oats
I didnβt know i was that out of touch
π︎ 3
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︎ Apr 26 2020
What do you call a fungal 80's movie star?
π︎ 6
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︎ Apr 13 2020
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
π︎ 4
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︎ May 23 2020
What do you call a semi driver rocking out to 80s music while carrying a load of grain?
Haulinβ Oats...
π€¦π»ββοΈπ€¦π»ββοΈπ€¦π»ββοΈ
Iβll show myself to the door.
-dad
π︎ 26
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︎ Dec 29 2019
There's a new rap artist who combines a modern hip hop sound with 80s retro pop.
π︎ 2
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︎ May 15 2020
So I went to my barber and told him "Instead of using scissors, use this old 80s hair metal band CD".
That is how I got my MΓΆtley CrΓΌe cut.
π︎ 9
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︎ Jan 20 2020
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Oct 22 2020
My grandma is 80% Irish.
π︎ 372
π
︎ Oct 30 2020
My grandma is 80% Irish.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
What does a pirate say when he turns 80?
π︎ 31
π
︎ Aug 30 2020
In a recent poll, 80% of people in America said they would not open their homes to a sentient water basin that walked up to their door and asked for shelter.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Nov 06 2018
What did the pirate say when he turned 80
π︎ 61
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︎ Nov 15 2019
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