What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it

Post office

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wizzecian007
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
My son was about to ask me 1 million questions about everything.

I said " Chucky Cheese"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to make jokes about the millions unemployed and out of work.

Sadly, they never work.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stormbreaker636
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A man with 3 kids is always happier than a man with $3 million....

The man with $3 million always wants more.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Theres 3.3 million people in here so I figured id go ahead and post that im looking for one night stand.

Matter of fact, make it 2. I need one for each lamp.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
ASTROLOGY.... Because millions of stars and planets have spent billions of years lining themselves up....

....just to let her know, that "she'll meet someone with nice eyes today."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Fungi have thrived on Earth for more than 400 million years

You know what they say... history favors the mold.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bamboo-harvester
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I just won a million bucks!

What am I gonna do with all these deer?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know the Boeing 747 contains about 6 million parts?

That's a plane fact.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
The XFL was just sold to Dwayne Johnson and a couple of investors for $15 million...

..now that's a Rock bought 'em price.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a hoard of a million Latin-speaking gigantic sharks?

MegaLodon.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vs424reddit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a T Rex who farted millions of years ago?

Ex stinked

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dq72
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Ver Million is the character’s name btw
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Null-and-PECK
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I won a million dollars

I didn't even spend a penny because i had to wake up and pee

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Each year 100 million birds die in the US by crashing into Windows...

I guess you could call them Blue Screens of Death.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EarthC-137
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
How can you get to one million karma in a day?

You can, but it has to be a cakewalk

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/private_unlimited
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
God finally answered my prayer for winning the $10 million lottery.

The answer was no.

πŸ‘︎ 224
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a million dollar idea?

An idEA

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-Reeddit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Franciscan Friar who inherited 30 million dollars?

He was an heir friar.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/archangel09
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked God, β€œHow long is a million years?” He said, β€œA minute.” I asked God, β€œHow much is a million dollars?” He said, β€œA penny.” So I asked God for a penny and he said.,,

β€œIn a minute.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I won a million dollars playing the lottery and donated a quarter of it to my favorite charity.

What should I do with the remaining $999,999.75?

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skol_vkings
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you make a million bucks?

With a whole lot of doe

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whywee
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I've told you a million times...

...to stop exaggerating

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iNameless
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know there are over 2 million Flat Earthers?

Yeah, they’re all around the world.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nftpc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The most expensive diamond in 2017 sold for $71.2 million USD

to Hong Kong-based jewelry retailer Chu Tai Fook. Over the last few months as the protests in Hong Kong have become heated Mr. Chu has been on the side of the government which has caught the eye of the international gem dealers, causing him to become a bit of a pariah.

The diamond went up for sale his and the Chinese government wanted to ensure that world's most expensive gem got a fair price. Mr. Chu approached Southerby's who was hesitant to get involved in what could be deemed a political gem sale. Despite his protests none of the world's leading auction houses the answer was always the same, they would not do the auction. This is when president Xi Jiping got involved to ensure that some good news could come out of China.

Last week it was reported that Rick Harrison, from Pawn Stars, had approached Xi Jinping saying that he would hold the diamond but couldn't promise more than $500 USD from the sale of the pendant. This infuriated the Chinese president threatened to take down the reality TV star, but Harrison was adamant telling Mr. Pooh, "If Chu wished to pawn the star, makes no difference who you are"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Poortio
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
"Dark joke" How do you get 11 million followers?

Run through Africa with a water bottle.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lilcrazy1995
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I'd like to point out that r/dadjokes is about 100 subs away from 2 million

My father told me a million times

Never to exaggerate.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ponderingfox
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
If you buy an album and it goes platinum, you're technically one in a million.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itswhatitisbro
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My son learned about radioactive decay in chemistry class, he was real excited when he got home and had a million questions. He wanted to build a reactor in the back yard. I told him we couldn’t. β€œWhat, are you not smart enough?”

β€œNo U”

I’ll see myself out.

πŸ‘︎ 176
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I’ve told my son 10 million times not to exaggerate
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I make millions every day.

I work at the mint.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisboishere
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I like Tron quite a bit, but I like Megatron a million times more.
πŸ‘︎ 120
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sutarmekeg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2017
🚨︎ report
I was so happy when I won 765 million dollars, I donated a quarter of it to charity.

I don't know what I'll do with the rest of the $764,999,999.75 though.

Edited

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend on IG reach the 1 million milestone and he asked me β€œHow do my haters like me now?”

By double tapping...

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/z233444
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What do a million dog owners all over the world want to know?

Who’s a good boy

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/420Slug
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm getting so old. When I was a kid they said Dinosaurs went extinct 65 million years ago.

Now they say it's been 66 million years.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/myquealer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I went on Deal or No Deal hoping to win a million dollars.

But that turned out to be not the case.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GinormousPenguin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
This may be TMI, but the English Wikipedia alone has 5.77 million articles
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DecentPlastic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you make a $million in todays uncertain economy...?

Start with $2million.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/manicmoose13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?

a gorillanaire

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MildBanana
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m working on making my second million dollars

I gave up on the first

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oinkmoomeow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a lizard with a million dollars?

A chamillionaire

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NickWilde992
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Her: You’re such a liar! You said you have between 10 and 15 million dollars.

Him: I didn’t lie. I have 25 bucks.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Who was the best hip hop artist 65 million years ago?

Velocirapper

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DDuub
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report

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