What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it
π︎ 33
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︎ Jan 09 2021
My son was about to ask me 1 million questions about everything.
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 06 2020
I tried to make jokes about the millions unemployed and out of work.
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 20 2020
A man with 3 kids is always happier than a man with $3 million....
The man with $3 million always wants more.
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 17 2020
Theres 3.3 million people in here so I figured id go ahead and post that im looking for one night stand.
Matter of fact, make it 2. I need one for each lamp.
π︎ 12
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︎ Oct 27 2020
ASTROLOGY.... Because millions of stars and planets have spent billions of years lining themselves up....
....just to let her know, that "she'll meet someone with nice eyes today."
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 06 2020
Fungi have thrived on Earth for more than 400 million years
You know what they say... history favors the mold.
π︎ 11
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︎ Sep 26 2020
I just won a million bucks!
What am I gonna do with all these deer?
π︎ 6
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︎ Sep 13 2020
Did you know the Boeing 747 contains about 6 million parts?
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 19 2020
The XFL was just sold to Dwayne Johnson and a couple of investors for $15 million...
..now that's a Rock bought 'em price.
π︎ 24
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︎ Aug 07 2020
What do you call a hoard of a million Latin-speaking gigantic sharks?
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 24 2020
What do you call a T Rex who farted millions of years ago?
π︎ 8
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︎ Jul 06 2020
Ver Million is the characterβs name btw
π︎ 10
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︎ May 10 2020
I won a million dollars
I didn't even spend a penny because i had to wake up and pee
π︎ 5
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︎ Jun 27 2020
Each year 100 million birds die in the US by crashing into Windows...
I guess you could call them Blue Screens of Death.
π︎ 36
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︎ Apr 13 2020
How can you get to one million karma in a day?
You can, but it has to be a cakewalk
π︎ 50
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︎ Feb 10 2020
God finally answered my prayer for winning the $10 million lottery.
π︎ 224
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︎ Dec 03 2019
What do you call a million dollar idea?
π︎ 10
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︎ Mar 25 2020
Did you hear about the Franciscan Friar who inherited 30 million dollars?
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 21 2020
I asked God, βHow long is a million years?β He said, βA minute.β I asked God, βHow much is a million dollars?β He said, βA penny.β So I asked God for a penny and he said.,,
π︎ 7
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︎ Mar 16 2020
I won a million dollars playing the lottery and donated a quarter of it to my favorite charity.
What should I do with the remaining $999,999.75?
π︎ 25
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︎ Oct 22 2019
How do you make a million bucks?
π︎ 22
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︎ Dec 06 2019
I've told you a million times...
π︎ 10
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︎ Dec 17 2019
Did you know there are over 2 million Flat Earthers?
Yeah, theyβre all around the world.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jan 21 2020
The most expensive diamond in 2017 sold for $71.2 million USD
to Hong Kong-based jewelry retailer Chu Tai Fook. Over the last few months as the protests in Hong Kong have become heated Mr. Chu has been on the side of the government which has caught the eye of the international gem dealers, causing him to become a bit of a pariah.
The diamond went up for sale his and the Chinese government wanted to ensure that world's most expensive gem got a fair price. Mr. Chu approached Southerby's who was hesitant to get involved in what could be deemed a political gem sale. Despite his protests none of the world's leading auction houses the answer was always the same, they would not do the auction. This is when president Xi Jiping got involved to ensure that some good news could come out of China.
Last week it was reported that Rick Harrison, from Pawn Stars, had approached Xi Jinping saying that he would hold the diamond but couldn't promise more than $500 USD from the sale of the pendant. This infuriated the Chinese president threatened to take down the reality TV star, but Harrison was adamant telling Mr. Pooh, "If Chu wished to pawn the star, makes no difference who you are"
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 12 2019
"Dark joke" How do you get 11 million followers?
Run through Africa with a water bottle.
π︎ 9
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︎ Jul 28 2019
I'd like to point out that r/dadjokes is about 100 subs away from 2 million
My father told me a million times
Never to exaggerate.
π︎ 14
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︎ Oct 23 2019
If you buy an album and it goes platinum, you're technically one in a million.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 17 2019
My son learned about radioactive decay in chemistry class, he was real excited when he got home and had a million questions. He wanted to build a reactor in the back yard. I told him we couldnβt. βWhat, are you not smart enough?β
βNo Uβ
Iβll see myself out.
π︎ 176
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︎ Oct 29 2018
Iβve told my son 10 million times not to exaggerate
π︎ 14
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︎ Sep 05 2019
I make millions every day.
π︎ 5
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︎ Jul 01 2019
I like Tron quite a bit, but I like Megatron a million times more.
π︎ 120
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︎ Jul 12 2017
I was so happy when I won 765 million dollars, I donated a quarter of it to charity.
I don't know what I'll do with the rest of the $764,999,999.75 though.
Edited
π︎ 2
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︎ Jun 14 2019
My friend on IG reach the 1 million milestone and he asked me βHow do my haters like me now?β
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 17 2019
What do a million dog owners all over the world want to know?
π︎ 4
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︎ Jul 29 2019
I'm getting so old. When I was a kid they said Dinosaurs went extinct 65 million years ago.
Now they say it's been 66 million years.
π︎ 11
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︎ Jun 13 2019
I went on Deal or No Deal hoping to win a million dollars.
But that turned out to be not the case.
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 02 2019
This may be TMI, but the English Wikipedia alone has 5.77 million articles
π︎ 7
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︎ Dec 29 2018
How do you make a $million in todays uncertain economy...?
π︎ 25
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︎ Dec 16 2018
What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?
π︎ 11
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︎ Apr 17 2019
Iβm working on making my second million dollars
π︎ 11
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︎ Apr 13 2019
What do you call a lizard with a million dollars?
π︎ 11
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︎ Apr 17 2019
Her: Youβre such a liar! You said you have between 10 and 15 million dollars.
Him: I didnβt lie. I have 25 bucks.
π︎ 11
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︎ Sep 23 2018
Who was the best hip hop artist 65 million years ago?
π︎ 13
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︎ Oct 11 2018
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