What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it
My son was about to ask me 1 million questions about everything.
I tried to make jokes about the millions unemployed and out of work.
A man with 3 kids is always happier than a man with $3 million....
The man with $3 million always wants more.
Theres 3.3 million people in here so I figured id go ahead and post that im looking for one night stand.
Matter of fact, make it 2. I need one for each lamp.
ASTROLOGY.... Because millions of stars and planets have spent billions of years lining themselves up....
....just to let her know, that "she'll meet someone with nice eyes today."
Fungi have thrived on Earth for more than 400 million years
You know what they say... history favors the mold.
I just won a million bucks!
What am I gonna do with all these deer?
Did you know the Boeing 747 contains about 6 million parts?
The XFL was just sold to Dwayne Johnson and a couple of investors for $15 million...
..now that's a Rock bought 'em price.
What do you call a hoard of a million Latin-speaking gigantic sharks?
What do you call a T Rex who farted millions of years ago?
Ver Million is the character’s name btw
I won a million dollars
I didn't even spend a penny because i had to wake up and pee
Each year 100 million birds die in the US by crashing into Windows...
I guess you could call them Blue Screens of Death.
How can you get to one million karma in a day?
You can, but it has to be a cakewalk
God finally answered my prayer for winning the $10 million lottery.
What do you call a million dollar idea?
Did you hear about the Franciscan Friar who inherited 30 million dollars?
I asked God, “How long is a million years?” He said, “A minute.” I asked God, “How much is a million dollars?” He said, “A penny.” So I asked God for a penny and he said.,,
I won a million dollars playing the lottery and donated a quarter of it to my favorite charity.
What should I do with the remaining $999,999.75?
How do you make a million bucks?
I've told you a million times...
Did you know there are over 2 million Flat Earthers?
Yeah, they’re all around the world.
The most expensive diamond in 2017 sold for $71.2 million USD
to Hong Kong-based jewelry retailer Chu Tai Fook. Over the last few months as the protests in Hong Kong have become heated Mr. Chu has been on the side of the government which has caught the eye of the international gem dealers, causing him to become a bit of a pariah.
The diamond went up for sale his and the Chinese government wanted to ensure that world's most expensive gem got a fair price. Mr. Chu approached Southerby's who was hesitant to get involved in what could be deemed a political gem sale. Despite his protests none of the world's leading auction houses the answer was always the same, they would not do the auction. This is when president Xi Jiping got involved to ensure that some good news could come out of China.
Last week it was reported that Rick Harrison, from Pawn Stars, had approached Xi Jinping saying that he would hold the diamond but couldn't promise more than $500 USD from the sale of the pendant. This infuriated the Chinese president threatened to take down the reality TV star, but Harrison was adamant telling Mr. Pooh, "If Chu wished to pawn the star, makes no difference who you are"
"Dark joke" How do you get 11 million followers?
Run through Africa with a water bottle.
I'd like to point out that r/dadjokes is about 100 subs away from 2 million
My father told me a million times
Never to exaggerate.
If you buy an album and it goes platinum, you're technically one in a million.
My son learned about radioactive decay in chemistry class, he was real excited when he got home and had a million questions. He wanted to build a reactor in the back yard. I told him we couldn’t. “What, are you not smart enough?”
I’ll see myself out.
I’ve told my son 10 million times not to exaggerate
I make millions every day.
I like Tron quite a bit, but I like Megatron a million times more.
I was so happy when I won 765 million dollars, I donated a quarter of it to charity.
I don't know what I'll do with the rest of the $764,999,999.75 though.
My friend on IG reach the 1 million milestone and he asked me “How do my haters like me now?”
What do a million dog owners all over the world want to know?
I'm getting so old. When I was a kid they said Dinosaurs went extinct 65 million years ago.
Now they say it's been 66 million years.
I went on Deal or No Deal hoping to win a million dollars.
But that turned out to be not the case.
This may be TMI, but the English Wikipedia alone has 5.77 million articles
How do you make a $million in todays uncertain economy...?
What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?
I’m working on making my second million dollars
What do you call a lizard with a million dollars?
Her: You’re such a liar! You said you have between 10 and 15 million dollars.
Him: I didn’t lie. I have 25 bucks.
Who was the best hip hop artist 65 million years ago?