I got a mail saying that I won a million dollars because I could read Maps backwards

I thought to myself, "That's just Spam".

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it

Post office

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wizzecian007
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you measure the heaviness of a 2.4 million Scoville chilli pepper?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend called me and said he lost the million dollar prize because he couldn't think of a neighbor to Saudi Arabia...

I said, "Oman!"

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I just won a million bucks!

What am I gonna do with all these deer?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
The XFL was just sold to Dwayne Johnson and a couple of investors for $15 million...

..now that's a Rock bought 'em price.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a hoard of a million Latin-speaking gigantic sharks?

MegaLodon.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vs424reddit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a T Rex who farted millions of years ago?

Ex stinked

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dq72
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I won a million dollars

I didn't even spend a penny because i had to wake up and pee

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
How can you get to one million karma in a day?

You can, but it has to be a cakewalk

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/private_unlimited
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a million dollar idea?

An idEA

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/I-Reeddit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked God, β€œHow long is a million years?” He said, β€œA minute.” I asked God, β€œHow much is a million dollars?” He said, β€œA penny.” So I asked God for a penny and he said.,,

β€œIn a minute.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I won a million dollars playing the lottery and donated a quarter of it to my favorite charity.

What should I do with the remaining $999,999.75?

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skol_vkings
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you make a million bucks?

With a whole lot of doe

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whywee
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I've told you a million times...

...to stop exaggerating

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iNameless
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I like Tron quite a bit, but I like Megatron a million times more.
πŸ‘︎ 119
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sutarmekeg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2017
🚨︎ report
My son learned about radioactive decay in chemistry class, he was real excited when he got home and had a million questions. He wanted to build a reactor in the back yard. I told him we couldn’t. β€œWhat, are you not smart enough?”

β€œNo U”

I’ll see myself out.

πŸ‘︎ 182
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
🚨︎ report
If you buy an album and it goes platinum, you're technically one in a million.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itswhatitisbro
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My brother won 5 million dollars on the lottery, then promptly spent it all on a solid gold, jewel-encrusted garbage can.

What a waste!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I was so happy when I won 765 million dollars, I donated a quarter of it to charity.

I don't know what I'll do with the rest of the $764,999,999.75 though.

Edited

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you make a $million in todays uncertain economy...?

Start with $2million.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/manicmoose13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm getting so old. When I was a kid they said Dinosaurs went extinct 65 million years ago.

Now they say it's been 66 million years.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/myquealer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do a million dog owners all over the world want to know?

Who’s a good boy

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/420Slug
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I went on Deal or No Deal hoping to win a million dollars.

But that turned out to be not the case.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GinormousPenguin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?

a gorillanaire

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MildBanana
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a lizard with a million dollars?

A chamillionaire

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NickWilde992
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Her: You’re such a liar! You said you have between 10 and 15 million dollars.

Him: I didn’t lie. I have 25 bucks.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ntuso
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you make a million bucks in the airline industry?

You start with a billion.

Source: Old airline industry Dad joke. Worked in the airline technology sector for a while.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I’ve told you a million times

I never exaggerate

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Smichman123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2018
🚨︎ report
The first million people to send me a million dollars, will get a copy of my guide.

Of how to become a millionaire from Reddit.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StevenBosc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad, encouraging me after my water polo match defeat, "Son you are one in a million."

The other six are the Zeroes.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/unlucky_genius
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you fit a million elephants into Safeway?

Take the 's' out of 'safe' and the 'f' out of 'way'.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FuriousStyles13
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2017
🚨︎ report
What's the first thing you'd do with a million dollars?

I'd buy a new butt cause mine has a crack in it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/damnitjake
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2017
🚨︎ report
A man just told me I could make millions selling cow manure for a living.

Well I think it's bullshit...

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jskoker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2013
🚨︎ report
Why'd they ask the mushroom to the party? (Heard from my dad a million times)

Because he was a fungi!!

Why'd the ask him to leave?

Because there wasn't mushroom!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JustASillyGirl13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
🚨︎ report
Snackchat meets Linterest: Some of these startup ideas are pun in a million. twitter.com/PunlimitedCor…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smart89aleck
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2013
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jacobrossk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2011
🚨︎ report
How do you lift a million pounds of stainless steel?

Very carefully.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jle909
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2016
🚨︎ report
My father's goto joke-I've heard it a million times.

An old-slow snail decides one day that he has had enough of the townsfolk belittling him for his pace. He spends about three-days making his way over to the Car-Dealership so that he can buy himself a sports car.

While at the dealership he asks the salesman if they will customize his Corvette for him. The Salesman replies, "Sure! What can we do for you!?"

The snail replies, "I would like you to paint a big, red "S" on the side of my car?"

The salesman says, confused, "Of course we can."

The customization is done and the Salesman turns to the Snail and says, "We're all finished, but I have to ask---While looking through your information I couldn't find any reason why you would want an 'S' on your car---Your first or last name doesn't start with 'S', So--Why the heck did you want that 'S' on your car?!"

The Snail turns to him and replies gently- " For years I have been tormented by the people of my town, and now I'll get to fly by them in my fancy sports-car, and they'll all say: 'Wow! Look at that 'S' Car go!"

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zjaws88
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2013
🚨︎ report
I've told you a million times, do not exaggerate.
πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cunt_Bucket_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2016
🚨︎ report
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times...

don't exaggerate!"

A standard growing up with my old man.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/canadasecond
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2013
🚨︎ report

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