Did you hear about the cow that could produce 1,000 gallons of milk every day?
She was legendairy.
Don't bother reading that "ultimate" workout blog. "You won't believe" their advice is just to walk 1,000 meters a day.
Saved you a klick.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1,000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numerals.
I M LIVID
If I had $1,000,000, I’d donate a quarter of it to charity.
Then I’d have $999,999.75.
Did you hear about the cow competition worth 1,000,000 dollars?
The higher up you can get your cow the higher the score you get.
The steaks are rising.
I had $1,000 extra in my pay last month, this month I was $1,000 short. When I reported it to payroll they asked me why I didn't say anything when I got paid too much.
I told them, I'll tolerate one mistake but not two.
me: wanna hear a joke about $1,000
her: sure
me: K
My wife was really pissed when I told her I spent $1,000 on a new wallet......
I told her not to worry I’ll definitely get my money out of it.
My French friend borrowed 1,000 gallons of water from me...
He wrote me an IO eau.
Tried to count to 1,000 in my car yesterday, but only got to 500 before I wrecked
I hit the median
Just arrived in Minnesota: the land of 10,000 lakes and 1 bad pun..
If someone gave you $1,000,000 to replace their fuse...
would you refuse?
What do 1,000 people say when they're confused?
Kilowatt
Thieves stole a truck with 1,000,000 doses of viagra reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
I wrote a 1,000 page novel about a custodian.
It was a sweeping epic.
My son's teacher asked him to submit a 1,000 word essay...
He couldn’t be bothered and handed in a picture instead.
I'm looking to sell my Delorean. It’s in Great condition, low mileage..
Only driven from time to time!
Horse walks into a bar
Bartender said to the horse , what’s with the long face.
I must have herd that 1,000,000 times as a kid never got old.
Math Conversions
1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
Credit to my economics professor
New weights and measures
- The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds17. 52 cards = 1 decacards18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin22. 10 rations = 1 decoration23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League27. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision
If I had $1,000,000, I’d donate a quarter of it to charity.
Then I’d have $999,999.75.
