A guy once paid 10,000 Bitcoin for a pizza when it was still cheap...

That pizza shop must be swimming in dough.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xtrendence
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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Did you hear about the neighbors floor made out of 10,000 pennies?

Looks like a hundred bucks!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theflintseeker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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As soon as you find someone who has 10,000 bees, marry him or her.

That’s how you know he or she is a keeper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingInTheNorth57
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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Judge: I order you to pay $10,000.

Mario: Why? Judge: It's a fine. Mario: No, itsa not.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?

A neighbor-toothed tiger.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hisdudeness9829
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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Did you hear about the Indian that drank 10,000 cups of tea?

He almost drowned in his T-Pee

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DCshotgun17
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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Just arrived in Minnesota: the land of 10,000 lakes and 1 bad pun..
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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What did the world eater say when he woke up from his 10,000 year slumber?

β€œArmageddon hungry!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maddycowdisease
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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My wife turned to me and said, all life is like hope. It's precious, a gift. It flourishes in the desert, in the snow, even in the Marianas Trench, 10,000 meters below the waves. Life and hope exist where we least expect it, yet it is so fragile it can be destroyed in a moment.

I said, "That's deep"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VerySmallEel
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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A large bee hive can have over 10,000 bees. Where do all those bees go to use the bathroom?

The BP station.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisgoggs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
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The worlds largest bounce house is now touring the U.S.A. At 10,000 square feet, the house is large enough to live in.

The rent is pretty expensive but that's mostly due to inflation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/masterof80smetal
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
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Flying out of town and am currently 10,000 feet in the air

Some might say I've peaked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stupendoes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
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What do you call a Japanese man with $10,000?

A Mill-yen-aire.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZaGodfaza
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2017
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Oh baby I hear the blues are calling...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Pennybags
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2018
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One day, Kermit the Frog was a little short on cash, so he went to the bank to speak to a loan officer...

When he got there, a woman extended her hand.

"Good afternoon, sir," she said. "My name is Patricia Wack. How may I help you today?"

Kermit replied, "Hi-ho, Patricia! I'm Kermit the Frog, and I would like to borrow some money."

They walked over to her desk and sat down.

"Certainly, Mr. Frog--"

"Oh, just call me Kermit."

"Okay... Kermit. How much money would you like to borrow?"

"Ten thousand dollars."

Mildly surprised, Ms. Wack looked intently at Kermit.

"Do you have any references?"

"Well, I suppose I could use my father, Keith Richards."

Ms. Wack froze for a second, then...

"THE Keith Richards?"

"Oh, yes. In fact, he told me he's friends with your manager, which is why I came in here."

"Okay... Do you have any collateral?"

"Excuse me?"

"Collateral. Something of value, like a car, or a boat..."

"Oh, yes! I do have something. I have this."

Kermit reached into his briefcase and placed a small figurine on the desk. Patricia looked curiously at the object, then at our amphibious friend.

"What's this?"

"It's a Hummel."

"A what?"

"A Hummel. They're supposed to be quite valuable. Well, at least this one is to me."

She picked up the Hummel and stood up.

"If you don't mind, I would like to show this to the manager."

"Oh, no! I don't mind at all!"

So, Patricia took the Hummel to the manager's office, knocked on the door, and walked inside.

"Patricia! What can I do for you?"

"Mr. Wilson, there's this... frog named Kermit at my desk, and he wants to borrow $10,000, but he has only this for collateral."

Mr. Wilson looked at the Hummel, then out to her desk.

"I don't see anything out of order here."

"But, Mr. Wilson--"

"Look, it's a knick-knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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I was working at a car dealership and someone asked me "how much cargo space?"

I said to them 10,000$ but car go road

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πŸ‘€︎ u/masesarkidd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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My Dad's worst (and coincidentally most-often-told) joke. I miss him.

When I was in the Navy, I was on the deck of a destroyer one day, and I saw a the periscope of an enemy submarine surface nearby. So, quick as a flash, I whipped off my hat and dropped it over the periscope. As the periscope was covered, the submarine didn't realise it had reached the surface, so it kept rising... and when it got to 10,000 feet, we shot it down with the anti-aircraft guns.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmilytheDodo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2015
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What are a pirate's top 9 favourite letters of the alphabet?

The I, the R, and the seven C's.

Just had to post something to celebrate breaking 100,000 karma in 10 days less than 7 years as a Redditor.

Thank you everyone!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ouyin2000
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
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[MOD POST] Hunting for an additional moderator. Read and apply within.

EDIT: I am now closing applications and will make a decision in the next day or so. Thank you to everybody who applied - the general enthusiasm and support is wonderful to see.

( as this is a self post, I receive no karma - however I would appreciate it if you upvoted purely for visibility <3 )

Hey everybody,

The /r/dadjokes community is now over 85,000 subscribers strong. That's pretty great. Pretty super great.

Thus far, over the entire existence of this sub, I have been the only mod. Quietly watching, taking your feedback, removing a post here, approving another there - doing my best not to interfere too much. I'm going to be honest, it hasn't been that hard.

You lot are generally a pretty nice bunch, give or take a few of the more vocal lunatics. There isn't usually a lot of work to be done, or issues that need resolving.

That said, I'm not awake all the time. I can't lurk on Reddit all the time. I don't have all-seeing eyes.

So it's about time I gave another pair of eyes moderator status and entrusted those eyes with a duty of care.

Let's get down to the chase; here's what I'm looking for in an additional mod:

  • You live in a very different timezone to Syd, AU - GMT+10
  • You have a good sense of humour
  • You're not in this purely to grow your 'net rep
  • You're interested in being fair, and maintaining fairness
  • You maintain civility in yourself and your responses at all times
  • You have a bit of time every day to go through reports, spam, and post comments
  • You understand that your moderatorship will initially be a trial, and can be revoked at any time if you aren't being magical and rad
  • Some general CSS/subreddit formatting knowledge wouldn't go astray, but is not required

Here's what I am not looking for:

  • Strong, cemented opinions about what constitutes a dad joke and what doesn't - everybody's dad and humour is different
  • An overzealous post remover - I am not looking for an enforcer, the title moderator implies moderation
  • A(nother) dictator - it is my preference that this subreddit be gently guided, and not forcibly ruled, we let the community find itself and we listen to what they say

If you wish to apply for the title and duty of being a moderator to /r/dadjokes, simply state your case (why you should be selected, what benefits or experience you bring, etc) in a comment reply to this thread. I will then get in touch with the most worthy seeming applicants. Upvotes and downvites will not be taken int

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tali3sin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2013
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So a frog walks into a bank

He walks up to Patricia Wack, the teller and says the following " My names Kermit Jagger, son of Mick Jagger I know the manager here and I would like a $10,000 loan for a vacation". The teller replies "That's all well and good but we are going to need some collateral" "Got it right here" says the frog and pulls out a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about 1 inch in height perfectly formed. Confused by all of this the teller goes to the back of bank to the manager and says "there is a frog out there claiming to know you, says he is the son of Mick Jagger and wants a $10,000 loan and for collateral he gave us this." And shows him the elephant. The manager replies "It's a nick nack patty wack, give the frog a loan his old man is a rolling stone."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dikchops7
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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I hear they're coming out with a new program to fight Fitbit addictions...

...It's a 10,000 step program.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mataxu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2017
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Every time we pass a cemetery..

Dad: How many people do you think are dead in there?

Me or someone who hasn't heard it already: I don't know, 10,000?

Dad: All of them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Huv
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2014
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Every time my dad tells this it gets just a little more elaborate. But this is how I remember it.

Paul has a shitty life, his wife constantly berates him, his job sucks, his boss is a bully, his car is a shitty 85 ford pinto with a cracked windshield and is in bad need of a new transmission and to top it all off he's chubby, balding, and he has a small penis.

The only thing good in Paul's life is his friend Artie. Artie isn't the brightest bulb in the world, but he's always been there for Paul in the tough times. On October 5, 1953 Artie stood up for Paul against his bully in 7th grade. Artie got his ass handed to him at that time, but so did Paul. That incident resulted in a life long friendship. Paul and Artie went to the same High School together. They traveled around Europe that one summer in college. Artie was Paul's best man at his wedding. Everyone thought speech Artie gave was terrible, But Paul loved it Artie was his best friend.

Artie's life wasn't much better either, he never had the smarts for that great Job. In fact he was stuck in a dead end job as a construction labourer. Artie's car was pretty shitty too. Artie never married, but he was happy in the knowledge that at least he didn't end up with Paul's shitty wife.

For Paul's 46th birthday Artie was pretty broke, so all he could get his friend was a single lottery ticket. Artie being the sentimental guy that he was picked the date of the start of their friendship, and their respective ages (46, 45). Paul loved the present, and thought that the two of them should go to the Legion that friday to split a round of beers and listen to them call out the numbers.

On Friday they are both sitting there at the Legion having a laugh over a couple of beers when the cute lottery girl comes on the t.v. to read out the numbers. Paul pulls out the ticket and spreads it out on the beer stained table in front of them. The lottery girl starts reading out the numbers, 45, 10, 05. Both of Paul and Artie's hearts start beating, thats 200$ already. 53, Holy crap thats like a 10, 000 ticket. They both start losing their shit. 46....... Paul feints. He just won the jackpot. 37million dollars.

Two minutes later Artie finally revives Paul. Paul and Artie celebrate the night away, buy round after round for the people at the Legion and get absolutely shittered. They close out the bar and as the ugly lights come on they stumble blitzed, singing, onto the street arm in arm with the winning lottery ticket in hand and start the long walk back to Paul's place.

Halfway home, Paul comes to two drunken

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clearwind
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2014
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Expensive car stereo

My dad told me the stereo in his car was almost $10,000 but it was worth it because it came with a free car.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jasonrj
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2013
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A Dad stopped me in the middle of a thick crowd to lay this one on me

Yesterday was Opening Day (baseball) at Target Field (Minnesota). The first 10,000 or so fans received a free blue zip-up hoodie with "Twins" emblazoned on the front. It's a damn fine hoodie.

It's also packed on the stadium concourse. 40,123 attendees that day. As my husband and I are making our way through a dense crowd along the right field concourse, an older gentleman stops me in my tracks with this big grin and says, "Wow, that's a great sweatshirt! Where'd you get it?"

He was holding one in his hand.

His other hand was holding that of his wife, who was rolling her eyes pretty hard. I imagine that was neither the first nor last time he'd made that joke yesterday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bachrock37
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2015
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My wife can even make dad jokes!

I was telling her about a $10,000 scissor lift that ferrari dealers have to buy to work on the Ferrari Enzo.

Me: "To even change the oil, the dealer has to buy that lift to get the car up to working height."

Wife: "That sounds like some expensive overhead."

Me: High five

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ponyflash
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2014
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My father just posted this on Facebook.

MURDER AT COSTCO STORE

Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $10,000.

The Husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Costco supermarket. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the shop's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the premises.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...

(You're going to hate me for this.........)

'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 Costco

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fluffyxsama
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2014
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As soon as you find out someone has 10,000 bees, marry them.

That’s when you know that they’ll be a keeper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noel_Fletcher
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
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As soon as you find someone with 10,000 bees, marry them.

That’s how you know they’re a keeper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oxidationpudding
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
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As soon as you find out someone has 10,000 bees, Marry them.

They are a keeper...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snoopy_gauhar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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Mario in court

Judge :I order you to pay 10,000$ Mario: why Judge: it’s a fine Mario : no itsa not

I didn’t come up with this just thought it was funny

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elliott268
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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