Wise Guy Puns

Noah knows

"Sorry about the rough landing, it wasn't the captain's fault, it certainly wasn't my fault, it was the asphalt"

getting ready for dinner

mom: looking at empty glass oh! this is used.

dad: it certainly isn't mines.

Scene- Frito lay guy unloading truck at the local grocery store.

Dad- walks up to the frito guy, puts his hand on his shoulder and says to him, "they only call you when the chips are down"

Frito guy- laughs all the way back to the truck

My grandpa would always tell me this story about his uncles in WWII. "My uncle was actually captured by the Germans and kept in a pow camp. They would try to break the prisoners spirit by making them to mindless things. One in particular they would make the prisoners stand in a line and all move their heads like a clock back and forth and say, 'tick tock tick tock.' My uncle was always a wise guy so he would rebel in the simplest way. He would only go, 'tick tick tick.' One day the guard finally caught him and said, 'don't vorry. Ve have vays of making you tock.'"

"Don't drink it, it's alcohol-free!"

welp thanks for the tip, wise guy.