Does anyone know puns about cobras?
Because I serpently don't.
I know puns are corny...
..but without them, I'm just a husk of a man.
My wife beamed at me and said, “I had no idea our son would go that far!” Tearing up, I stammered, “I know!"
"The trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter!"
You want to know where dads store all the dad jokes?
They store it in dad-a-base.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️
you know what drives old people up the wall?
I identify as a man, my birth certificate says I’m a man, everybody I know says I’m a man...
and yet according to Kraft Dinner, I’m a 4-person family
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25 You know why?
The trees around the house are starting to bud. I said to my wife, "Honey, do you know what happens when the trees leaf out?"
A look of hopeful curiosity washed over her as she fell into my trap. "No, what?"
"Very SHADY things."
It must've reminded her that she had something else to do that was very important.
You know it's a great dadjoke when you say something and your family groans, but the stranger dad behind you laughs.
I was out looking at beds with the family.
Wife: "I really like this bed."
Me: "I like it too, but I think this one is bedder."
Know what my grandfather said to me, right before he kicked the bucket?
"How far ya think I can kick this bucket?"
Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same
Did you know if you and your buddy fart at the same time it makes you Egyptian?
Because you have a Tutankhamun.
Note:I thought of this today I really hope the joke lands.
Hey daddy- how do you know when a drink is sick?
It becomes cough-y.
-My 11 year son a few moments after I had coffee go down the wrong pipe and had a bit of a coughing fit.
proud dad noises
For those who don’t know what a power plant is
I’ve just bought a Van Gogh coffee table... I know it’s genuine because . . .
it has a bit of veneer missing.
Do you know what MREs are made of?
No one does, they are Mr. Es.
Know why they use knots instead of miles in the ocean?
Because they've got to keep the ocean tide.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Did you know habaneros can grow in the snow?
You would think they would get cold, but they are just a little chili.
I don't know how it got pregnant I used a rubber.
Do you know how to get a farm girl to like you?
Little know fact - Jesus was fully prepared to be crucified.
You know what makes a pirate angry?
George Clooney has a twin brother. Do you know what his name is?
Did you know dolphins never make mistakes?
They do everything on porpoise.
Everyone knows that Switzerland's flag is a big plus.
But damn.
Japan's flag is spot on.
You know that it's always the boys raised by single moms that end up with Dad Bods.
They always wanted a father figure.
I know these puns and the sub they came from deserve to be huckleburied in an unmarked grave. But please grant me Clemensy.
Did you know the first French Fries weren't cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece
There was a murder on a train do you know if the suspect was caught?
No, he covered his tracks.
(Thought of this this morning go easy on me!)
Want to know what paper is
Did you know that Dogs, regardless of breed, cannot operate complex medical equipment?
Did you know you can't use 'Beef Stew' as a password?
Apparently it's not stroganoff
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet
Boxers don’t have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is?
They don't fancy each other.
You know, the CEO of IKEA was elected the prime minister of Sweden. Wanna know what he’s doing right know?
Did you know humans can be struck by lightning?
I was shocked when I found out
I texted my daughter, "Did you know that superglue can also be used for cleaning!"
"Your computer keyboarddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
My friend: "do you know him?" Me: "No, but he looks like a Luke"
My friend: " That was close! He is Luke with an F, but how did you know?"
Me: "It was just a Fluke"
Do you know what’s wrong on so many levels?
Having sex on an elevator.
I admit it’s a repost, but this pun is just a sin... Please let me know if you get it!!!
I know a family of Artists but I am not sure how they make so much Money
Do you know what the opposite of ladyfingers is?
You all know Albert Einstein was a genius. But did you know his brother Frank
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is
We all know that Albert Einstein was a genius...
But very few people know his brother Frank was a monster.
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