Finding half a one
Nomaste
“Now this takes me back”
It was an axeident waiting to happen
True dad that man!!
... guess you could say he sleighed it
“Good” he said, “because I’m counting on you”.
European
Ack! I have so many egrets!
The doctor said it's because I'm an anti-faxxer.
Your a 'peeing
You could say that he is relished among the cooking community, and truly a seasoned veteran
"You need to learn to use the bell," she said, "I know how to use the bell," I replied..."I just cant ride a bike."
We are going through a Rocky patch!
They feared he may have bitten off more than he could chew
Because she seamstressed
It was a blessing in disguise.
One may say that the tables have turned.
Don't worry, he's still in the cast
I said, "No, platinum"
“Don’t worry about it” his friend said, “it’ll be worth it in the long run”
Fowl play was suspected
I’m sure he’d be okay with a card that said ‘Happy Birthd’, eh?
We're called LinkedIn Park.
See you next year
He's been a wafer so long now
He was gutted
Me: I saw the name Evelyn the other day, spelled E-I-B-L-E-A-N-N.
Mum: I always used to think the name Siobhan was pronounced See-Ob-Han too.
Dad: I knew a farmer once with a weird name, it was spelled E-I-E-I-O
We saw this nice button up, dressy sort of shirt that I liked. I said "why don't you get that?" and she said "It's nice but I cant pull shirts like that off." To which I replied "You don't need to, this one's got buttons." I was quite pleased with myself.
Daughter: Something smells around here
Me: Yeah, it's your nose.
There's no whey they could have that much protein
You curdnt make a worse joke
Gordon rennet
I'm gonna loose my rind soon
Ewe, these puns are udderly ridiculous
You're milking it for all its worth
There's been a real montery lack of jokes recently
There's a real lactose of jokes recently
These jokes are starting to grate on me now
These jokes aren't gouda
Are you gonna put these on rennet?
I can't breelieve you're still making jokes
Dad, it's your turn, though you should have made a joke whey back
edayumDayumDAAAYUM
How much cheddar is the bill gonna be?
Hope these jokes made you truckle!
I took one of the chocolates without him noticing and placed it upon my head. I then turned to him with a very stern face and said "Dad i need to talk to you about something"
dad: "what son?"
me: "I am actually really afraid for my life"
dad: "what are you talking about?"
me: "i think someone has been payed to kill me"
dad: "what , why?"
me: "I guess you could say someone has" tilting head forward to reveal the chocolate "placed a bounty on my head"
He cried a little with laughter and said he missed having me around (he recently moved country with my mum) because mum dosn't make those kind of jokes. It was a beautiful father son bonding moment.
My dad accidentally drops a pea off his plate,
Hey look an escape-pea!
We were watching the England Italy game and Raheem Stirling made a good run to the box, the commentator then says "great effort by Stirling there" to which my dad responded "shouldn't that be a Sterling effort?"
We are going through a Rocky patch!
It's fucking in-tents!
