Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".
A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts whenever I touch my face, knee and elbow." The doctor says,
"You've broken your hand."
My friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn’t afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
I punched Santa in the face
He called my daughter a "ho". 3 times!!!
I once saw a woman punch a Mall Santa in the face.
But he did call her a "ho" like three times.
What does the invisible man have in the middle of his face?
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, “If you cross this, I’ll hit you in the face.”
/r/Jokes/comments/jx9abu/…
Just went in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask.
I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"
She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter."
I'm still figuring out how to properly wear a face covering. Before I could master the art I was robbed of my beloved mask...
It was stolen from right under my nose.
I'm starting a business in airports selling bags with the faces of Sid James, Hattie Jacques, Kenneth Williams, Charles Hawtrey and Joan Sims on them.
It'll be called "Carry On Baggage".
If you get hit in the face, the home treatment is to hold a raw steak against it to reduce swelling...
...it does more than meats the eye.
Pooh's face in the last panel tho
I lined up everybody I ever wanted to punch in the face
And this is what I call a punch line
My girlfriend grabbed a hand full of coins and slapped me in the face.
About time she slapped some cents into me.
Dad: What’s the best way to affix a mask to your face? Me: I don’t know.
I bad to punch the mall Santa in the face...
He called my daughter a 'ho'! 3 times!!!
They refused to hire the boat assassin to be the face of the company
They had a feeling he'd be a sails killer
I came out of the bathroom with a sad look on my face and turned to my wife
"I guess my dad was right after all"
...
"I am full of shit"
I know people put mud on their faces for various benefits but I saw a sign the other day that said sewage treatment works
What did the Monk say when he saw Jesus’s face in fake butter
I CAN’T BELIEVE ITS NOT BUDDHA!
What did the chicken say to the Lobster who refused to wear a face mask?
They have the cutest faces... Hands down!
I hit a surprised person in the face
What did the monk say when he saw the face of Jesus in a margarine tub?
I can't believe it's not Buddah.
I was going grocery shopping this morning. They told me latex gloves and a face mask was enough. So i go in the store and what do i see?
The others are still wearing a t-shirt and pants!
My buddy, Evan, just got acquitted of all charges that he was imprinting his face in the foundation of a local housing project.
They couldn't find any concrete Evan dents.
I met a woman who makes face masks for people in need during the pandemic, but it looked like she was getting overwhelmed by all the work.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?"
The horse replies "My alcoholism is destroying my family..."
I was hanging on to the cliff face for dear life.
“Don’t look down!” said my friend above me.
So I started smiling.
I asked my friend if he would rather be hit in the genitals really hard, driven over a cliff and smacked in the face by a lesbian OR watch his favourite late night host. “That’s easy”, he replied...
My self-centered friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn't afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face ?
Why does your nose grow in the middle of your face?
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, “If you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face.”
That was the punchline...
Why is your nose is the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, “If you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face.”
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
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