The COVID19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
Damn that's a sticky situation
What do you call the situation when you're trapped in a room full of friendly dogs?
FBI has just announced about a mole on their organization. They are consulting Harry Potter about the situation
since he is good at catching snitches
What do you call a dog with knowledge or perception of a situation or fact?
Making light of the situation
A punny take on the coronavirus situation using movies/tv series as puns
People who aren't impressed by pictures of a Black Hole clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation.
A truck carrying Worcestershire sauce crashed the other day. The dispatcher asked for the situation
The officer replied: “It’s hard to say”
I cannot and will not ever use a plastic knife in any situation
My son borrows money from me every week, so I told him, “I don’t think you understand the seriousness of your debt situation.”
He said, “Oh please. You should really give me a bit more credit.”
He made a pun out of an autocorrect situation
An ether/oar situation...
Being cooped up in the house for so long has led me to attempt new hobbies. As an example, I'm currently studying how to adapt French phrases to describe the situation.
You could say it's my maison d'être.
Did you hear about the situation in which a black, 17 year old excavator robbed a small convenience store?
It was a minor minority minor miner notoriety.
I don’t think you understand the gravity of this situation
If we would explain the the current US political situation to the 2010 us at a fantasy fare, they would jokingly call it some batshit magic 'Hocus POTUS'...
A man should always carry a knife. It can cut your food, open beer bottles, be a screwdriver, or even be used as a toothpick. It works great for cleaning your fingernails, and it's quite useful in an emergency situation
like when you have to change someone's mind.
I don't think he understands the gravity of this situation.
We've got a domestic situation here
Don't worry the situation is under control
They had an overstock situation at the spice shop
They had way too much thyme on their hands.
Just imagine.... a world without hypothetical situations
The situation certainly was not uncontrollable
A berry dangerous situation
What is the difference between an embarrassing social situation and a fake dad?
Nothing, they're both faux pas.
My current driving situation
As one grows older, one has to look on the positive in situations. For example, the other day I fell down the stairs, and I thought to myself:
"That's the fastest I've moved in years!"
Am I the asshole in this situation?
So a bit of background here, I am fully dependent on my carer. Where he goes, I go. What he eats, I have to eat too. And because of that, if he wants to eat the wrong thing, I suffer.
I have no control over what he feeds us and I can't always tolerate the foods he likes. If he eats food that is too spicy, I yell at him. Like a lot. I've even made him cry a few times. But the thing is, I can't control myself. Every time I talk, it is shit for everyone in my vicinity, especially him. That's why I need him as a carer. I really tried to not give him shit for a couple weeks by not talking at all but he thought it was so bad that I did that he took me to the doctor to force me to keep giving out instead of bottling it all up.
I don't know what to do. I'm literally the end point of his digestive system. Am I the asshole?
Well, I always try to be positive about the situation.
Getting a hold of the situation
It is a real do-or die situation.
The KSI and Deji situation was such a
What does the acrobat do when he doesn't like the situation?
Wile E. Coyote never immediately fell off the cliff because he didn’t understand the gravity of his situation.
If dogs responded to awkward situations it would be Big Woof
The best of a shitty situation.
Plumbing was a great solution to a shitty situation
Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino is the biggest jerk in the world.
Sorry, I'm going off on a tan gent.
What do you call a situation where two celebrities are fighting?
When Vietnamese people marry each other, it’s a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.
I judge bad situations on how my siblings react
Today is a cry-sis crisis
I seem to be in a prechairious situation...
What do you call a step dad who makes awkward comments in social situations?
How could you call the political situation in Brasil right now?
The worst-case Bolscenario.
When the parachute failed I became deeply aware of the gravity of my situation.
Why can't flat earthers accept the gravity of the situation.
Because they sphere the world isn't flat after all
Whenever a situation presents itself, I like to help out...
Which way did you come in?
What is the only other situation in which you can say, “I see the sea!”, besides actually looking at the sea?
Had fun watching Little League baseball last night until I got into a sticky situation.
We have a sticky situation here.
Allways had a hard time with my pets dying in situations related to their names
But I suppose I shouldn't have called all my lemmings Cliff
I like awkward social situations...
They have a certain... je ne faux pas.
You could say that the situation with Russia is getting a little bit...
In a hairy situation with your car? Maybe a sticky situation with your truck? Service with a wink and twinkle in their eye (xpost from r/funny)
First real life dad joke situation!
Dad : do you want your blanket?
Daughter : I want my Frozen™ blanket.
Dad : Its a little cold for a frozen blanket, don't you think?
What do you call an alligator that appears from now where to escalate situations?
Dad Jokes defuse tense situations
I was home earlier than normal, and dad was in basement.
Dad: "Who's there, I'm armed."
Me: "I'm legged."
Both: Laugh. Tension gone
I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation (x-post from /r/facebookwins)
So let me tell you a little about my situation. It's currently about -12°F outside and my HVAC just broke. So, I decided to build a fire, but it turns out I can't use my fireplace because it needs a new flue, and I'm sorry if this is the wrong subreddit for this
but I just need t(w)o vent(s) right now.
A friend of my dad's got caught in a rough situation in a footwear outlet
Friend: Ugh, I was just in there to buy a new pair of sneakers. I didn't need to know the life story of that guy and why he was robbing the store, you know?
Dad: Friend, I love your shoes. ...But I wouldn't want to be in your shoes
Nothing is too serious of a situation for him
My dad's dad (grandfather) was on the hospital bed, dying of cancer when the nurse came and asked, "How do you feel?" He promptly replied, "With my hands."
I like to think I'm very fast at coming up with a dad joke in response to a comment or situation...
What did the mailman say when his Mail truck caught fire? That he needed to address the situation
My coworkers were discussing hypothetical situations
Coworker 1: Would you rather be blind or deaf for the rest of your life?
Coworker 2: Deaf, because you can always get cochlear implants.
Me: Oh, so in this scenario we can cheat deaf?
What's one word to describe a situation in which there is an explosive device in a male cow?
More of a mom joke in this situation.
Dad: I guess listening is a lost art.
Mom: What's a lost art?
Making light of an unfortunate New Years Eve situation.
My girlfriend and I are hosting a party when I suddenly start suffering from stomach pain and diarrhea. Feeling crappy, I decide to lay down. My girlfriend comes into the bedroom to see how I'm doing. Looking sad, I tell her I'm sorry for being a party pooper.
No matter the situation, this is his answer...
Waitress: How was the meal?
Dad: It was awful... AWFUL GOOD
Smiles for 10 minutes in delight
In risky situations: Looks like we're cooking beef in hash oil...
Because the steaks are high!
He doesn't get to use it often, but when the situation presents itself, he has this one ready
International traveler: We bought ______ at the airport, duty free.
Dad: Duty free, huh? No shit!
The most ridiculous situation ever, capped off with an epic dad joke
A few years ago, my dad and I were building an addition onto his house. He rented a tool from the hardware store and had to return it, so he asked me to come with him and we would get some breakfast. There was a Burger King nearby, so we decided to stop there to eat.
When we go to the drive-through, we realize the restaurant was closed down, so he drove around the building to get back on the highway. As we were passing the dumpsters, he stopped the car, backed it up, and pointed towards the ground near the dumpster. I looked for a few seconds, trying to see what he was pointing at.
Then... I saw it.
It was a giant, 12+ inch black dildo, standing upright next to the dumpster. It propped itself up on its fake dildo balls, gently swaying in the breeze.
I was astonished. I couldn't even imagine what events in the universe had to line-up so as to end up with that giant dildo meticulously placed next to the dumpster at a closed-down Burger King. I couldn't even begin to fathom why it was there.
My dad, with perfect timing, then shouted "GAY TIMES WILL BE HAD TONIGHT!" and sped out of the parking lot.
We ended up going to Denny's.
My dad and I were talking about the Kenyan hostage situation
I brought up how people were being let go if they could recite a muslim prayer. He said "If I was there I would say 'I cant recite a prayer but Allah convert right now'"
I was telling my dad that I'm good at handling tough situations, he responded with this:
"Just remember: whenever you're in a tight spot and don't know what to do, ask yourself: What Would Scooby Doo?" I groaned loudly in response and he giggled to himself for a good 3 minutes.
This is my Dad's go-to joke for almost any situation
What's green and sits in the corner?
A naughty frog!
A friend of mine is constantly borrowing money. I said to him, “I don’t think you understand the seriousness of your debt situation.”
He said, “Oh please...you really should give me a bit more credit.”
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