School Assignment Puns

Her joke: “I’m going to turn 9 on Wednesday. It’s going to be quite a birthday”

Hi going to turn 9 on Wednesday. It’s going to be quite a birthday. I’m Dad.

They're all just essays

Hello there,

I am doing a science project on cleaning products and I need a catchy title, so I figured I would go with a pun. The problem is, I can't think of one! If you guys could help me think of a one-liner pun involving somethng cleaning related, I would be very grateful!

Thanks.

"T-o-d-a-y" apparently wasn't the response she was looking for.

Friend: "Ugh! I have so much homework tonight! And the worst part is that it's all in English!"

Me: "Thank goodness, because I was worried it would all be in Chinese, and then you couldn't do it."

“Ha­­! That’s not going to help,” she said.

“Sure, it does,” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

So this joke needs a little context: I go to school at USC in South LA.

We were turning in our homework assignments and people kept turning them in with the edges folded instead of stapled. My professor looks at us and says "If you guys need staples, there is a staples center about a mile from here." We just stared back at him and then slowly all started to laugh.

So, it's service week at my school and I decided to serve locally at a nearby elementary school. I was assigned to a 3rd grade class. On the second day, the whole class was setting up Google Classroom, and after completing it, one of the little buggers looked at me said with a huge smile

"I'm done!"

Being a man of culture, I naturally responded with

"Hi Done! I'm [Dakkadence]."

The little girl looked at me, groaned, and facepalmed. She whined

"That's my dad's joke!"

With kids getting such an upbringing, I'm slowly regaining my faith for the next generation.

Edit: A word.

[Sorry for the wall of text, I just wanted to share this with you]

Ok, so technically this was before I knew I was a dad at the time, and it happened a long time ago, so I'm paraphrasing it a bit (have to leave out some details. It's work related lol), but I'm really proud of it.

I was having this workplace dispute with this really snively guy who was being a bit of a prick about some work assignment he was really proud of. Long story short, he was worried about someone else taking credit for something and wanted me to talk to our boss about it for him (What does he think I am lol). Anyway, as I'm walking away I hear him coughing. So I turn around, and with this great big smile on my face, I'm like:

"Don't choke on your aspirations, mate."

Anyway, I thought it was a great line. I was smiling all the way back to my office. I don't know why it came to my mind at that moment, but it wasn't long before I'd meet my kids for the first time in years, and it was really great to reconnect with them.

Anyway, my kids are pretty popular (my son's a school teacher, so I don't want to embarrass him in front of the kids), and my daughter would be mortified to hear a dadjoke this terrible great so I'd appreciate if you didn't mention any details about me in the comments (might spoil their evening lol) it was just a nice little moment.

Anyway, just wanted to share the moment with you guys.

D. [To the mods, I know this is a kind of just a pun, but I thought it was worth posting here. I hope you guys understand.]

I was assigned to teach History, and I'm a 24 year old, among high schoolers

So they start asking me questions about myself and they asked if I went to college and I tell them:

"I actually went to school as a history major, but I dropped out when I realized there was no future in it.."

I say "get it.. like.. no future because it's.. histo^r^y ^nevermind.."

They just rolled their eyes

My friends and I were sitting and eating lunch in school while talking about an assignment we got.

Friend 1: What would be your dream job?

Me: I would like to be a chef.

Friend 2: A real dream job would be to test sleep beds.

Rest of group slowly starts groaning when we realise

Me doing a school assignment on the search for extraterrestrial life Dad: Why are you doing a project on Martians?

Me: They're not Martians but they might be Kepler 22b'ns

Dad: Any relation to baked beans?

When I was in high school, I babysat 2 boys (who at the time of this story, were aged 7 and 10) for some extra cash. One day I was eating dinner with the family when the younger brother said that he couldn't wait to be in the fourth grade like his older brother.

"It's not that great," said the older one. "Once you're in the fourth grade, you have to read a bunch of books for a summer reading log and write a report on one." (In my county, there are mandatory summer assignments, the most common ones are English assignments.)

Their dad said, "Summer projects are good! They help stimulate your brain over the summer! If you don't brush up on your education for those three months, you could lose all of your smartness and never get it back!"

Older brother: "Yeah right. And how did you find that out?"

Me: "Well, they do say that firsthand experience is the best way to learn."