A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
A student baked a loaf of bread for foods class.
At the end of the class, his teacher returned the loaf and told him that he had gotten an A.
The student said: “Thanks, that’s just what I kneaded.”
Why did the student eat his homework?
Because, the teacher told him, it was a piece of cake.
A meteorology student did research on the necessity of temperature change when he was in college.
It was a degree requirement.
what did the school staff do when a student wore a shirt with a picture of a robber?
According to my sewing instructor, I'm easily the worst student she's ever had.
Oops... sorry, wrong thread !
My kid’s chemistry teacher was arrested in class yesterday. He was pouring out teaspoons of sodium chloride for each student, but because the class was rowdy, he kept losing his place and having to start over.
The police charged him with multiple counts of a salt.
If I was a smart but unscrupulous high school student, I would start a business doing other kids' homework for a nominal fee.
The name of the business?
"Nerdy deeds, done dirt cheap"
What do you call it when a traveling student is checking out a girl in another country?
I'm a teacher and every day I write a Dad Joke from this sub on the board. Today a student said this to me... I was about to go off... before I got the Dad Joke.
Student: "Sir, someone nutted on the floor!"
Me: *Begins to get angry* *Turns around... there's a hex nut on the floor*
Me: "Well played."
What do you call an IT teacher who has an inappropriate relationship with a student?
I was part of a class and i total , we were 100 students. I walked up to the front of the class , and wrote :"balloons" on the white board. So...
The other 99 read balloons.
So scientists says that students need to sleep 8 - 10 hours
Wife: "I accidentally fell asleep while grading my student's projects."
Me: "I guess everyone's getting Z's"
There are 10 types of engineering students
Those who understand binary and those who don’t.
Can I claim an Eastern European exchange student as a dependent to reduce my income below the phaseout threshold?
I’m hoping to get a stimulus Czech.
Why did the student take her math homework to gym class?
She wanted to work out her problems
Why did the student get a pear before his test?
He wanted to make sure he was pre-pear-ed!
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren’t very supportive. They kept telling him to “Get with the times...
I thanked my student loans for getting me through college.
I just don't know how I could ever repay them!
Thank you for getting me through college, student loan providers.
I don't think I can ever repay you.
You know I hate engineer students sometimes
For example I hate it when engineer students call themself engineers like you don't hear med students calling themself doctors or art students calling themself unemployed.
A nominee for director of the math department at my school was caught having an affair with her student...
What do you call a mycology student who loves to party
Are you a student loan?
Cause I'd like to have you around for the rest of my life.
If another word for student is 'pupil' ...
Do you call someone who's learning to manage sex workers a 'pimple'?
Teacher asked “What is the formula of water?” Student said “H I J K L M N O” teacher said “that’s not the formula of water”
Student said “you said the formula was H to O”.
Some students needed help calculating the number of food and drinks they'd need for a party. Their teacher responds...
"What's the equation? (occasion)"
Student: Can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: It’s may.
Student: No, it’s January
What did the student say after visiting the Thomas Edison Museum?
I enjoyed being enlightened
I'm a teacher and I like to do superhero impressions before class to put students in a good mood.
The other day I told them I was going to do an imitation of Batman, so I started off with:
"Argh… kryptonite, getting weaker…"
"THAT'S SUPERMAN!" a student in the back row yelled
"Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot", I replied.
Why did the architecture student get points off on his blueprint of a Soviet house?
Unnecessary Marx and Engels.
A taekwondo student walks up to the seller in a doughnut store. What did the seller say?
I asked my French exchange student if he went to the bathroom before we got into the car
Why did the Oklahoma student keep rushing everything?
One of my students told me that all of his classmates are turning into Batman because of Covid
They are all either wearing a mask or their parents are dead.
Studies show alcoholic law students...
...are more likely to have trouble passing the bar.
Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor?
The teacher told him not to use tables
In a Student v.s. Teacher competition
What did the student do after smoking weed ?
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said it’s a piece of cake!
My sewing instructor just told me that I’m the worst student she has ever seen.
You know I hate engineer students sometimes.
For example I hate it when engineer students call themself engineers like you don't hear med students calling themself doctors or art students calling themself the next hitler
My sewing instructor thinks I’m the worst student she has ever seen.
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