GPS stands for Grizzley Positioning System..,
On a roadtrip with dad.. GPS says "ahead- bear right".
Dad: "I don't see a bear- your Grizzley positioning system must be broken".
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︎ Dec 16 2013
I once dated a phlebotomist whom, when she tried to draw my blood, said "Be positive."
It was then I realized, she wasn't my type.
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︎ Feb 25 2021
I tested positive for my corvid-19 test
It really ruffled my feathers
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︎ Feb 15 2021
Sons.....
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︎ Feb 08 2021
I told my wife that I must always be positive. She asked βWhy must you?β
βItβs in my blood.β I replied.
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︎ Feb 14 2021
The cast from Pulp Fiction tested positive with Covid after going camping together:
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︎ Jan 20 2021
What sex position makes the ugliest babies?
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︎ Dec 15 2020
Recently, the Kansas City Chiefs acted quickly and had to pull their team barber out mid-cut because they learned he tested positive for COVID.
Guess you could say that it was a close shave
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︎ Feb 05 2021
Mate was feeling down so I told him there's a positive and negative to everything, you just gotta find it...
Poor fella can't even put batteries in right....
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︎ Jan 26 2021
I started a petition to swap the position of "a" and "n" in the alphabet.
No one took me seriously when I said jk lmao
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︎ Nov 30 2020
An actual joke from my 8 year old - Why canβt you trust atoms?
They make up everything.
I was proud.
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︎ Jan 28 2021
Did you know Pecans are one of the most positive type of nuts out there...
Else, theyβd be called Pecants
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︎ Jan 25 2021
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
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︎ Jan 15 2021
What do positively charged particles have in common with professional sumo wrestling teams?
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︎ Jan 21 2021
What makes boaters such positive people?
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︎ Jan 19 2021
What is a highlighter's favorite Twister position?
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︎ Jul 06 2020
If Father Christmas played soccer, what position would he play ?
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︎ Dec 21 2020
U have been tested positive for breathtaking
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︎ Oct 16 2020
Australian tennis star Bernard Tomic's sister, Ana, agreeing with her friend Ally about the positions of body parts
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︎ Dec 01 2020
This support group will help you recharge
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︎ Feb 06 2021
I met a transformer who only had positive thoughts.
He said his name was optimist prime
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︎ Nov 10 2020
I am positive that there is something wrong with Quasimodo's back
Or it could be just a hunch
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︎ Dec 08 2020
I've been working on not mansplaining and instead saying something positive. How has been going?
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︎ Dec 07 2020
I hate negative numbers in math.
Iβll stop at nothing to avoid them.
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︎ Feb 24 2021
Trump tested positive for COVID-19
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︎ Oct 02 2020
Stay Positive
Son is working on math. Currently working on negative numbers, which is below his level (pun intended).
Wife says, "He is really bored. If you can think of anything to say to help that would be great.
Me to son, βHey buddy, I know you are working on negative numbers and that is boring. Try to stay positive.β
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︎ Nov 09 2020
If Karen had a job, what would her position be?
Head of the chain of demand.
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︎ Sep 25 2020
What religious positions are open for women?
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︎ Aug 17 2020
I got my wife 4 pregnancy tests and they all came back positive
Sheβs now worried about how we are going to raise 4 kids.
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︎ Sep 27 2020
From my 10-year-old: "Daddy, what has it's bottom at the top?"
"I don't know, bud, what?"
"Your legs."
Well done, kid.
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︎ Oct 01 2020
Now is definitely not the right time to start surrounding yourself with positive people.
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︎ Aug 02 2020
What would you call a man from GdaΕsk?
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︎ Jan 27 2021
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
Edit: Thanks for all the positive reactions to this joke. Iβm glad I could make a few of you chuckle today.
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︎ Nov 12 2020
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type
As he died, he kept insisting "be positive", but it's hard without him.
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︎ Oct 21 2020
So I tested positive for covid antibodies.
My dad wanted to know about my uncle-bodies.
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︎ Oct 05 2020
/r/BlackFathers will now be a positive and supportive community for Black and POC fathers
https://i.imgur.com/GlXV2kE.gifv
Reddit admins have recently granted ownership of /r/BlackFathers to myself and a group of other Black/POC mods, and it is our intention to make this a positive and supportive community. This is a place where Black/POC fathers and their family, friends, and colleagues can find helpful resources, welcoming content, and a safe space to learn from each other and share our experience.
Content of all types are welcome so long as the subject/focus of the content is supportive of Black/POC fathers. We look forward to seeing you there.
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︎ Sep 18 2020
I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.
So I had to ground him. Heβs doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.
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︎ Aug 08 2020
Instead of medicine, my hippie girlfriend cured her hemorrhoid using only the "power of positive suggestion."
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︎ Sep 29 2020
My uncle died last week because the doctors couldn't figure out his blood type.
At least my uncle was being supportive as he kept on yelling, "Be positive!"
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︎ Feb 13 2021
My wife left her position as a Geologist to pursue her dream as a tennis coach...
...She went from studying faults to double-faults.
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︎ Sep 04 2020
I got called pretty today.
...well, actually, the full statement was βyouβre pretty annoyingβ, but I only focus on positive things.
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︎ Jan 16 2021
I was really excited when my wife bought me a book for my birthday called β69 Mating Positionsβ.
Turns out itβs about Chess strategies.
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︎ Aug 30 2020
I ate an optimist once...
But, I couldn't keep him down.
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︎ Dec 16 2020
An English professor was telling his class that a double negative makes a positive, but there was no case in which a double positive creates a negative.
From the back of the room a Physics professor said, "Yeah, yeah."
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︎ Aug 14 2020
My girlfriend said I'm pretty
Well, she actually said, "You're pretty annoying", but I choose to focus on the positive things.
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︎ Feb 23 2021
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